请英文高手来翻译几则笑话，一定要是高手才近！急，在线等！

急！！求英文笑话...带中文翻译...~

第一个
A wise teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything that your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home."

一个聪明的老师在学期开始的第一天给所有的学生家长发了这样一条信息：“如果您们能够承诺绝不相信任何你的孩子所说的关于学校的事，我就也会承诺不会相信他说的关于家里的事。”

第二个

A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it. Inside was a genie. The genie said," I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only." The man thought about his first wish and decided, "I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account. POOF! Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him. He asked for his final wish, " I wish I was irresistible to women." POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates.

有一天，一个男人在沙滩上散步，发现了一个半掩在沙子中的瓶子。他决定打开它。里面住着一个精灵。精灵说，“我允许你许三个愿望，只有三个愿望哦。”男人想了想他的第一个愿望，然后决定说，“我想要将一百万元钱汇到我的瑞士银行账户上。”“嘣！”于是男人又许愿要一辆红色的法拉利。“嘣！”一辆车出现在了他的眼前。他开始许他最后一个愿望：“我想要所有的女人对我无法抗拒。”“嘣！”他变成了一盒巧克力。

第三个，
There was ice on the road, and the doctor's car hit a tree and turned over three times.To his surprise, he was not hurt. He got out of the car and walked to the nearest house.He wanted to telephone the garage for help.The door was opened by one of his patients.
"Oh,Doctor,"she said, "I have only just telephoned you. You must have a very fast car. You have got here very quickly indeed. There has been a very bad accident on the road outside. I saw it through the window. I am sure the driver will need your help."

由于路面上有冰，医生的车撞上了树，然后又滚了三滚。让他惊讶的是，他竟然没有受伤。他离开了车，走到了最近的一家房前，想打电话给汽车修理厂寻求帮助。没想到开门的人竟是他的一位病人。
“哦，医生，”她说，“我刚刚才给你打了个电话。你一定有一辆速度很快的车。事实上，你来得也太快了吧。我打电话给你是因为我刚刚透过窗子看到马路上发生了一起非常严重的交通事故。想说那个司机一定非常需要你的帮助。”

希望可以帮到你，如果还要的话，我还有很多。

do you know the gender of Rudolph the reindeer ?你知道鲁道夫（圣诞老人的驯鹿的名字）是雄的还是雌的？
how could i know!我怎么知道！
but i do.it is definitely female.我倒知道。它肯定是母的
reasons?理由呢
coz Saint Claus is male!因为圣诞老人是男的

空调
the air condition
一富人在一餐厅吃饭，
a rich's havin' food at a restaurant.
他吃的满头大汗！
and so hot that sweat all over.
他把那服务员叫来！
so he called the waiter here,
让他把空调开开
and let him open the air condition
不一会他又觉得特冷，
however only for a little while,he felt cold
他又把服务员叫来，又让他把空调关了！
since he called the waiter again,and shut the condition off.
待回儿他有喊太热，又把服务员叫来又让让他开空调！
a while he sed it's too hot again,called the waiter,opened the air condition.
一会儿又喊冷！
after a while cold again.
嗨，这时候旁边坐的一先生把服务员叫去！
say,at right this moment a sir beside him called the waiter away,
那人神经病，一会开一会关，看把你们折腾的
that psycho,trun and shut around,look at u,kid.how poor.
不要紧，不要紧，是我在折腾他！
nah,nah,no matter,it's me joke with him.
我们这里根本没装空调！
'cause we got no an air condition here at all.

鲜花生气
angry flowers
有一天一个老师就问一个同学
one day a teacher asked a studnet
这为同学课文上说：“蜜蜂给花园增添了生气，是什么意思？
say mate,the text says "bees make the garden more lively",wot does that's supposed mean?
不就是蜜蜂偷了花粉，鲜花生气了呗！
yea,isn't it 'cause bees steal the pollen,and take the flower's life instantly?
你胡说，
baloney
我怎么胡说了，要不是鲜花生气，哪儿来的鲜花怒放啊？？
why?if the flower's life's instantly not been taken away,how could "lively flowerin'" happen??
口是心非
say yes but mean no
一天
one day
2个块头特大的码头工人休息的时候在一起吃饭，
two big strong waterfront guys're havin' food together meanwhile the reat time.
其中一个人开口了
one of the 2 sed
诶，伙计，你喜欢头发上满头是油的胖女人吧？
hey dude,u like fatty women with oil all over their heads?
嗨，当然不喜欢。
uhh,of course not.
你觉得哪个鼻子又扁眼睛又小的的女人怎么样？
and wot u think of that woman with a flat nose and small eyes?
十分讨厌
drat.
那你不是喜欢有口臭的女人吧？
then u won't like women with bad breaths,do u?
根本不可能！
definitely impossible!
那既然如此，你为什么勾引我老婆！
since these,why u tempt my woman!
一点儿也不浪漫
no romantic at all
一天
one day
文文对他的女友抱怨
wenwen complained to her sis,
我那个男朋友啊，一点都不浪漫！
that my boy,no romantic at all!
你看那天，我嘴里头 叼了一朵玫瑰花在门口等他，
see, that day,i's waitin' for him out the door with a rose holded in my mouth
那他怎么说？
then wot did he say?
天啊，宝贝儿你把花瓶给吃了？
oh my,babe,u've eaten the vase?

Air
A rich man in a restaurant,
He ate sweating profusely!
He put the attendant called!
Let him open the air-conditioned open
Within a short while, he also felt that special cold,
He again called waiter makes him put off the air conditioner in!
To be back to his children cried too hot, again letting his attendants called air conditioning!
While shouting cold!
Hey, this time sitting next to a waiter has taken the call to!
The man neuropathy, one will be open for a pass, look to your dire straits
It does not matter, does not matter, yes, I toss him!
We are here simply do not install air conditioning!

Flowers angry
One day a teacher asked a student
This student text said: "The addition of angry bees to the garden, what does this mean?
Is not stealing bee pollen, flowers, chanting angry!
You are talking nonsense,
How do I nonsense, and flowers either angry, where the flowers in full bloom come ah? ?

Duplicity
Day
2 large block header when the rest of the dock workers with food,
One of them spoke up
Ah, man, do you like hair oil, fat and his head is a woman, right?
Hey, of course, not like it.
Which do you think of another flat nose and small eyes, like how the woman?
Very disgusting
That you do not like to have bad breath a woman, right?
Impossible!
That being the case, why do you seduce my wife!

Not at all romantic
Day
Wen Wen complained to his girlfriend
I have a boyfriend that ah, is not romantic!
You see that day, I head Diao mouth of a rose at the door waiting for him,
Then how can he say?
My God, honey child you vase to eat?

以上几个翻译一看就知道哪个强了，只要看第二个笑话的翻译就知道了，除了13we2,其他都是直译，外国哪有鲜花怒放这说法，说Angry谁知道哦，翻成英文不是就该用英文的表达么。

Air conditioning
A rich in a restaurant,
He ate the full head big sweat!
He put the attendant called!
Let him to drive air conditioning
Soon he feels very cold,
And he called the waitress, and let him off the air!
He shouted to return son, and the clerk is too hot to let him open air conditioning again!
A shout cold!
Hi, Mr. A flank sat the attendant called away!
The man, a neurologist at the moment, open your revs
It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, I was over him!
We here don't installed air!

Flower angry
One day, a teacher asked a classmate
This text for the classmate say: "the bees to add a garden, what meaning be?
Bee pollen is stolen, flower angry bai!
Your blah,
How do I blah, but where is angry, the flowers blossom?

Duplicity
day
2 the dockers bigger rest when have dinner together,
One mouth
Aye, dude, you like the hair hair is oil fat woman?
Hi, of course not.
Do you think which nose and eyes and small flat the woman?
Very annoying
You don't like the woman?
Impossible!
The case, why do you tempt me wife!

Don't romantic
day
To his girlfriend complain computation
My boyfriend, not romantic!
You see, my mouth diao head rose waiting for him at the door,
Then what did he say?
Oh, honey, you put the vase to eat?

---

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