请帮忙翻译一下，小简单的，翻译成英文，重奖

简单的英语小笑话(带翻译）~

1、Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：这个座位是空的么？ 女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。  
2、Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. 男孩：我可以给你买杯饮料吗？ 女孩：你不如直接把钱给我得了。 
3、My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!  Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 
我的狗不识字。布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
4、My Wife Will Exchange Them。A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.   ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson.  ″Makes no difference ″replied customer.   ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk.  ″Any″ he responded. 
″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″ 
反正我太太明天会来换的。一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。 “您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。 “没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。 “那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。“什么颜色都成。”他回答。 “号码呢？” “您就随便给我拿一副吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天都会来换的。” 
5、A  physics Examination，Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.  The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunder rolls?   
Nick‘s answer: Because  our eyes are before ears.   
一次物理考试。在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。  
6、Jim’s History Examination。Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him  things that happened before the poor boy was born.   
吉姆的历史考试。舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。 
7、he is really somebody。-- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.   
他真是一个大人物。-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？-- 墓地守墓人。

扩展资料：
笑话具有篇幅短小，故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有高下之分。
人类历史上，人自从有了语言，就已经出现了开玩笑的语言，最早，人们以口相传，后来有了文字，许多笑话便被记载下来，编书成册。但还有很多笑话，是流传于民间的，就当今社会，每天都有很多笑话出现，有心人如果收集，我想将来一定会有价值。
同时丰富了笑话的宝库。随着近十年网络和手机的飞速发展，随之出现了网络笑话，网络流行语，给力大全，手机笑话，雷人语句，笑料联盟等，促使笑话发展到一个新的阶段。
参考资料：百度百科：笑话

A smart housewife
A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!"

精明的家庭主妇

一位精明的家庭主妇听人说有一种炉子用起来可以比她现在用的炉子省一半的煤。她听了大为兴奋，说：“那太好了！一个炉子可以省一半的煤，那么如果我买两个炉子的话，不就可以把煤全都省下来了吗？”

1、"XYZ" 是 " Check your zipper." 的意思。在美国, 填表选项时多用打「X」来表示(国内则用打勾表示)。这个选项的动作就叫"Check", 也就是这里的XYZ 的 X所代表的。Y 是 Your, Z 就是 Zipper 啰!
XYZ means Check your zipper. In USA , people use X for chosing(which we use a tick).So, X means check,Y means your and Z means zipper!
2、 这句话的意思是：老兄啊! 检查一下你的拉炼吧。
That sentence means: dude! Check your zipper!
3、爱尔兰总统 魏茨曼.C的名言：奇迹有时候是会发生的，但是你得为之拼命的努力。
C.Weizmann said : miracle happens, but you have to fight for it/
4、每个人都有创造奇迹的潜能，当你能破译神秘的字符；当你发现了苹果落地的秘密，那么奇迹已经产生。
Ever body is able to build a miracle , when you found the meaning of some strange letters or you saw the truth of the felling of an apple, the miracle is on the way.
5、拼命的努力意味着忘我和狂热，这是吸引奇迹发生的不二法宝，欢迎阅读《秘密》。
To fight with life means to forget yourself and work with passion, this is the way to build up a miracle. Welcome to read <secret>
6、天才在没有成功之前往往都被人视为怪胎，生存在夹缝中，遭人耻笑和践踏。
Wizards had been seen as monsters before they succeeded. They live in the crack of life and been mocked and steped by others.
7、我们喜欢这样的怪异的字体，尤其是那个M，象一颗倔强的牙齿。
We like this kind of weird letters, especially the M, just lick a strong tooth.
8、立刺的字体效果能让人感觉到天才的成长之路其实也是荆棘遍布。
Thorny letters can make people think wizards’ grow up is with thorns.
9、对男人而言，能眼中发光的不一定是金子，还有美女的诱惑。
For men, gold is not the only thing that can catch their eyes. So do the beauties.
10、玩是孩子的天性，不要扼杀。
Play is the instinct of children, don’t stop them form playing.

好家伙。。。翻译了好久。。。请一定给分。。。

1, "XYZ" is the "Check your zipper." Meant. In the U.S., with a dozen filling options and more "X" to indicate (tick that country is used). This option moves called "Check", where XYZ is the X stand for. Y is Your, Z is the Zipper Hello!
2, this sentence means: brother ah! Check your zippers it.

3, Irish president. C's words: Miracles sometimes occur, but you have to work terribly.
4, each person has the potential to create miracles, when you can decipher the mysterious character; When you find the secret of Apple's ground, it has produced miracles.
5, desperately trying to mean ecstasy and enthusiasm, which is the preferred destination for attracting miracle magic, please read the "secret."

6 days before without success often are regarded as freaks, live in the cracks, being ridiculed and trampled.
7, we like this weird fonts, especially the M, like a stubborn tooth.
8, Li prickly genius font effects can make people feel that the road is actually the growth of thorns all over.

9, on the men, to the eyes of light is not gold, but also the temptation of beautiful women.

10, playing the child's nature, not to kill.

Money is the measure of love, the only standard?

Water conservation, and his girlfriend a bath from the beginning

1, "XYZ" is "Check your zipper.". In the United States, completing the option is multi-purpose play "X" (domestic) with a tick. This option is called "Check" movement, namely the XYZ here represent X. Y is Your Zipper, Z is!
2, this means: dude! Check your zipper.

3, President of Ireland, WeiCiMan. C saying: miracles sometimes occur, but one has to work terribly for them.
4, everybody has the potential to create miracle, when you can break the mysterious character, When you discover the secret of the apple and then miracle has generated.
5 and desperately hard means unselfish and fanaticism, this is to attract the miracle, welcome to read the secret.

Genius without success in June, often seen as before, live in squeezed, sneered at and trampled.
Seven, we like this weird font, especially the M, like a stubborn teeth.
8 and the effect of font can let a person feel the genius of growth path is actually thorns.

9 for men, and can not be gold eyes shine, and beauty.

10 and play is the nature of the child, and do not kill.

Money is the only standard to measure of love?

Save water, shower began from girlfriend and issue.

人工翻译 好辛苦啊 分给我吧

1, "XYZ" is "Check your zipper.". In the United States, completing the option is multi-purpose play "X" (domestic) with a tick. This option is called "Check" movement, namely the XYZ here represent X. Y is Your Zipper, Z is!

2, This means: dude! Check your zipper.

3, President of Ireland, WeiCiMan. C saying: miracles sometimes occur, but one has to work terribly for them.

4, Everybody has the potential to create miracle, when you can break the mysterious character, When you discover the secret of the apple and then miracle has generated.

5，Desperately hard means unselfish and fanaticism, this is to attract the miracle, welcome to read the secret.

6,Genius without success in June, often seen as before, live in squeezed, sneered at and trampled.

7, We like this weird font, especially the M, like a stubborn teeth.
8，The effect of font can let a person feel the genius of growth path is actually thorns.

9，For men, and can not be gold eyes shine, and beauty.

10, Play is the nature of the child, and do not kill.

Money is the only standard to measure of love?

Save water, shower with your girlfriend.

1, "XYZ" is the "Check your zipper." Meant. In the U.S., with a dozen filling options and more "X" to indicate (tick that China is using). This option moves called "Check", where XYZ is the X stand for. Y is Your, Z is the Zipper Hello!
2, this sentence means: brother ah! Check your zippers it.

3, Irish president. C's words: Miracles sometimes occur, but you have to work terribly.
4, each person has the potential to create miracles, when you can decipher the mysterious character; When you find the secret of Apple's ground, it has produced miracles.
5, desperately trying to imply ecstasy and enthusiasm, which is the preferred destination for attracting miracles magic, please read the "secret."

6 days ago without success often are regarded as freaks, live in the cracks, being ridiculed and trampled.
7, we like this weird fonts, especially the M, like a stubborn tooth.
8, Li prickly genius font effects can make people feel that the road is actually the growth of thorns all over.

9, on the men, to the eyes of light is not gold, but also the temptation of beautiful women.

10, playing the child's nature, not to kill.

Money is the measure of love, the only standard?

Water conservation, and his girlfriend a bath from the beginning

1."XYZ" is the "Check your zipper." mean. In the United States, fill in the form option when playing "X" to denote (domestic use tick). This option is now called "Check", that is, the XYZ's X represents. Y is Your, Z is the Zipper and Hello!
2.Meaning of this statement is: Brother ah! Check your zippers it.
3.Irish president. C's words: Miracles sometimes occur, but you have to work terribly.
4.Everyone has the potential of a miracle, when will you be able to decipher the mysterious character; when you find Apple's secret, then a miracle has produced.
5.Desperately trying to mean ecstasy and enthusiasm, which is the preferred destination for attracting miracle magic, please read the "secret."
6.Genius without success before often regarded the monstrous, survival in were laughing at and trampled upon.
7.We like this weird fonts, especially the M, like a stubborn tooth.
8.Li prickly genius font effects can make people feel that the road is actually the growth of thorns all over.
9.Of the men, to the eyes of light is not gold, but also the temptation of beautiful women.
10.Play is the child's nature, not to kill.
11.Money is the measure of love, the only standard?
12.Water conservation, and his girlfriend a bath from the beginning.

---

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