谁有英语小笑话，要搞笑的，还带翻译。最好是小学水平的。

小学水平的简短英语小笑话~

Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行".

.A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,'Get the kid.'

这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”


2.Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?

Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.

Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?

Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.

妈妈：弗雷迪，你的脸为什么那么红？

弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑，为的是阻止一次打架？

妈妈：你做的对，谁和谁在打架。

弗雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。

1、Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：这个座位是空的么？ 女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。  
2、Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. 男孩：我可以给你买杯饮料吗？ 女孩：你不如直接把钱给我得了。 
3、My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!  Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 
我的狗不识字。布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
4、My Wife Will Exchange Them。A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.   ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson.  ″Makes no difference ″replied customer.   ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk.  ″Any″ he responded. 
″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″ 
反正我太太明天会来换的。一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。 “您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。 “没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。 “那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。“什么颜色都成。”他回答。 “号码呢？” “您就随便给我拿一副吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天都会来换的。” 
5、A  physics Examination，Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.  The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunder rolls?   
Nick‘s answer: Because  our eyes are before ears.   
一次物理考试。在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。  
6、Jim’s History Examination。Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him  things that happened before the poor boy was born.   
吉姆的历史考试。舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。 
7、he is really somebody。-- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.   
他真是一个大人物。-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？-- 墓地守墓人。

扩展资料：
笑话具有篇幅短小，故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有高下之分。
人类历史上，人自从有了语言，就已经出现了开玩笑的语言，最早，人们以口相传，后来有了文字，许多笑话便被记载下来，编书成册。但还有很多笑话，是流传于民间的，就当今社会，每天都有很多笑话出现，有心人如果收集，我想将来一定会有价值。
同时丰富了笑话的宝库。随着近十年网络和手机的飞速发展，随之出现了网络笑话，网络流行语，给力大全，手机笑话，雷人语句，笑料联盟等，促使笑话发展到一个新的阶段。
参考资料：百度百科：笑话

1、提早大抢购 Early Big Shopping
An offender was brought to trial before a judge. The judge asked him, "What is the crime you have committed?"
The offender said, "I went shopping too early during the New Year."
The judge said, "This is not a crime! Is there a mistake, perhaps? So how early did you go shopping?"
He answered, "The shop was not yet open for business, and I was already inside."
有个犯人被带到法官面前审案，法官问他:“你犯了什么罪？”
犯人说：“因为我在新年时，太早去采购了。”
法官说：“这不是罪呀！可能是弄错吧？那你多早去采购呢？”
他说：“商店还没开门，我就已经进去了”。

2、我是来装电话的 What a big deal
A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone."
一个年轻人刚刚开始做生意，就租了一个漂亮的办公室。一天，他坐在办公室里，看到有一个人在外面，于是他就装作生意很忙的样子，拿起电话胡吹乱侃，还不停的甩出几个大数字，好像在谈一笔大买卖。
到了最后，他终于挂了电话，问来访的人，“有事儿嘛？”那个人回答，“我是来给你安装电话的。”

3、我已经努力好多年了 I've been trying to do that for years
A man went to the police office wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You will get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no." said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years."
一个人来到警察局想和昨天潜入他家偷盗的贼聊聊，警察告诉他说，“你在法庭上会有这个机会的。”
“不，不，不”，这个人说，“我就是想知道他是如何做到潜入我家并且还能不惊醒我的老婆，我已经努力好多年了都没能做到这点。”
4、

　　1.有一天，一只黑猫救了一只白猫，你猜白猫对黑猫说什么？白猫说：“喵~~~
　　One day, a black cat saved a white cat, white cat black cat said to you guess what? The cat said:" well ~ ~ ~
　　2.有一人独自在森林中冒险，

　　There is one person alone in the forest adventure,

　　突然发现自己被食人族重重包围。

　　Suddenly find themselves surrounded by cannibals.

　　于是对天空大喊：

　　Hence yell to the sky:

　　“我死定了，上帝救救我！”

　　"I'm dead, God save me!"

　　只见天空出现一到光

　　I saw a light appeared in the sky

　　传来一个声音：

　　A voice:

　　“还不一定，

　　" Not necessarily,

　　再你捡起地上一颗大石头，

　　You take a big stone,

　　把带头的酋长砸死。”

　　The lead of the cacique dead."

　　于是他捡起地上最大的一颗石头，

　　He picked the biggest stone,

　　狠狠的砸向酋长，

　　Hard at the emirates,

　　正好把酋长砸死。

　　The chief was killed.

　　族人全都呆了一呆，

　　People all stopped,

　　接著怒目相向，

　　Then angry,

　　这时天上又传来一阵声音：

　　Then heaven heard a noise:

　　“现在你才真的死定了。”

　　" Now you will die."

　　3.小英向小明借笔，结果小明不借。

　　Little Britain to Xiaoming borrow, lend the ming.

　　小英：借一下会死喔……

　　Xiaoying: borrow will die ... ...

　　于是小明把笔借给了小英……

　　Then he took the pen to videos ... ...

　　过了不一会，小明死了……

　　A short time later, he died ... ...

Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?
Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.
Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?
Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.
妈妈：弗雷迪，你的脸为什么那么红？
弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑，为的是阻止一次打架？
妈妈：你做的对，谁和谁在打架。
弗雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。

垃圾

---

阳春市17186316008： 英语小笑话,越短越好,3.4句话,带翻译 - ？
无虎莱阳：[答案] 我这有几个英语小笑话: 校园幽默四则 1. Two Birds Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The ...

阳春市17186316008： 英语笑话带翻译,简短些,最好三至四句话!又快又好的加15分~ - ？
无虎莱阳：[答案] TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher:Tom,why are you late for school every day? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,＂... 一盒小火柴 妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴.汤米回来后,妈妈问他,“你买的是好用的火柴吗?” “是的,...

阳春市17186316008： 英语小笑话(翻译)我要英语小笑话20个带翻译 - ？
无虎莱阳：[答案] He Won Tommy:How is your little brother,Johnny?Johnny:He is ill in bed.He hurt himself.Tommy:That's too bad.How did that happen?Johnny:We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won.他...

阳春市17186316008： 英语爆笑小故事小笑话 带翻译 - ？
无虎莱阳：[答案] 故事发生在一个酒吧里. 某天,一位男子走进酒吧问道:“这的人,有谁有罗特韦尔犬?” “是的先生,我有呢!”一名骑车男子站起来答道,“它怎么了?” 男子伤心地说“是这样的,我的小吉娃娃刚才杀死了你的狗……” “我不信,我的狗这么...

阳春市17186316008： 英语小笑话!3个,20字左右.带中文翻译.快 - ？
无虎莱阳：[答案] 【烛光】团队为您 1.He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That'... ＂ 醉酒 一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家.这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题.他向父亲发问...

阳春市17186316008： 要一个超级搞笑的英语笑话带中文翻译, - ？
无虎莱阳：[答案] Two Pieces of CakeTom:Mom,can I have two pieces of cake,please?Mom:Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!两块蛋糕汤姆:妈妈,我可以吃两块蛋糕吗?妈妈:当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!Mother:M...

阳春市17186316008： 急!求英语笑话带翻译的,三到五分钟,两个人对话的,初二水平,谢谢! - ？
无虎莱阳：[答案] 1、周而复始 老王在树下休息,老李走过来对他说:“嗨,为什么不去上山砍柴?” 老王说:“砍柴干什么?” 老李说:... 惊呼:“赵局长”跑啦!——那个块头最大的.快抓住“钱处长”——小心它咬手.那墙角里黑乎乎的,莫非是“孙科长”?“李...

阳春市17186316008： 谁能告诉我50个英语小笑话,还要带上中文啊,最好是上面一句英文,下面一个中文,这样类型的重复但不是重复句子啊,就是把一个小笑话分解一下,一... - ？
无虎莱阳：[答案] Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小.但除此之外呢,那就...

阳春市17186316008： 谁知道有什么英文笑话或故事(要有中文翻译) - ？
无虎莱阳：[答案] He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did ... Lewinsky, or the weather, we enjoyed just hanging around each other without any one of us trying to outsmart the others. Still, ...

阳春市17186316008： 谁有短的英语幽默小笑话?要短的英语幽默小笑话,但是不要太短有个5、6行的就行(带翻译). - ？
无虎莱阳：[答案] Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.“You'er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Her...