帮我批改一下这篇作文，急
in that day 去掉
银牌 silver medal
第四行 Sunyang 前加that Sunyang 后was 去掉
第五行逗号去掉加because
第七行 and she had no regret
although 和 but 选一个去掉
能不能帮我批改一下这篇作文
Nowadays,there are more and more people addicted themselves to computer using,as if they can't live without the computer.This is not good news.People who rely too much on computers are now finding themselves forgetting how to spell some words easily.Resolving with problems by computers is so convenient,leading increasing number of people releasing their hands together with their brain.The priority problem is that the more they rely on computers,the more chances for practice they are wasting.And people will gradually lose the ability to finish the things in person.The other vital problem is that many people prefer to surf the internet rather than go outside with friends.They working online,chatting online,shopping online,their daily life only needs the accompany of the computer.They don't realize that their social life is affected.These people will find it difficult to communicate with others face to face.To protect our life from not being destroyed,we are here appeal everyone not to rely too much on computers.
题目是Don't rely too much on computers.
我估计起码要扣一半的分，有些离题。
文章有些悲观了吧？
不过要是我的话
我会打高分的
扣5分
比一年级写得还烂，全扣分！
可以
高手帮我批改一下作文(六级的)
直接用anytime在后面即可。即为：i will do everything i can to support you,any time.16.最后一句，best wishes to you,from your best friend.再加姓名。总的来说，这篇文章完全是中文思维写好后翻译过去的，不是从英文的角度去思考的。所以，很多中式英语。语句不通顺。希望能改进。谢谢。
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澄城县17552805998： 帮忙批改一下这作文 - ？
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澄城县17552805998： 谁能帮我改下这篇作文?要写旁批,总评!(不是我写的,我要帮别人改) - ？
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澄城县17552805998： 高手帮我批改一下这篇英语作文帮我看看下面这篇作文,给我些具体意见,Dear editor,I'm writing to tell you about the discussion we've had about whether ... - ？
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澄城县17552805998： 谁来给我批改一下英语作文?急~~~~Everybody knows,the social intercourse is very important in student's life.Some people think that the social intercourse ... - ？
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澄城县17552805998： 帮忙批改下这篇雅思大作文吧,Some people think university education should prepare students for employment while others think it should help students ... - ？
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澄城县17552805998： 请帮我改一下这篇作文,Ture happinessEverybody has his or her's great happiness.Some people think that life is onlymoney and power.Some people even ... - ？
融陈黄栀：[答案] 改过的Ture happiness Everybody has his or her great happiness.Some people think that life is only money and power.(Some people even took their own life)?because of(of去掉) they get poor or they fail in their career.But I don't think so.Of course ...
澄城县17552805998： 求人帮我修改下这篇英语作文!Directions:For this part you are allowed 30 minutes to write a composition on Why do I Learn via Internet?(我为什么参加网络... - ？
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融陈黄栀：[答案] 第一段第二句我觉得可以写成 The student union of our school will organize an activity in recent days and you can join us as volunteers.第二段第一句 This activity will not only let you do something mean...
