帮忙修改一下这篇英语作文，谢谢

帮忙修改一下英语作文，并提供一篇范文，谢谢~

One day my mom told me she wouldn't pick me up to home anymore, so I had to walk home alone. I remembered it was almost 18:00 clock when my final class was over. And it was terribly dark outside which made me incredibly afraid. But I had no chioce. I walked on my way to home carefully, hoping nothing bad would happen. Suddenly, a noise came up. A robber? I thought. However, it was only a small cat hanging out on the street actually. I told myself to calm down and be brave. Soonly I started to run fast and wanted to go home as soon as possible. Ultimately, I came into my house. At the mean time, I realized I must thank my mom for his wise dicision. I learnt how to be brave because of her. That was my wonderful experience.
自己改的 稍微加了点词 祝这位同学学习进步~

Recently we had a in-class debate about if it would be better to purchase the entry tickets to the attractions at the travel agency in advance than purchasing at the admission office. Everybody brought up an opinion.
Those who are for purchasing ahead of visiting said that pre-purchased tickets are usually cheaper than what you will have to pay at the entrance. Moreover it saves you the time of lining up for buying the tickets at the admission office, and thus allows you to visit more viewpoints. Furthermore, the pre-purchasing would provide information about the number of visitors to the admission office in the first place, so that they would be able to inform the coming visitors of whether the number of tourists have reached the capacity. A better control system will improve the quality of the service they provide.
However, many classmates argued that some may not like to visit some of the attractions as the tour package includes all the admission fees. It will be a waste to spend money on what you would not enjoy. Besides, the tickets are expensive.
In my opinion, ... I don't follow... What is your main point?
1. it should be optional (not required) for the tourists to pay for the entry?
2. tourists should pay for the entry tickets in advance of their visit at the travel agency?
3. once you have chosen the package tours, you have to pay for all the admissions even though you might not be going to visit some of them.
Which one of these is your point?
Also, there's no "through tickets." you can either say admission fees or entry fees or tickets.

The story mianly tells us the writer changed himself by having a gap year. As a result, he is no longer the person who he used to be and he learnt a lot during that year.
From my point of view,I argue that graduted senior students should experience a gap year .The reasons are listed below. First of all ,teenagers has just gone through the examination which was relevant to their lives, so they definitely ineed to release pressure.Lastly ,it is necessary for teenaers to discover their dreams and realize what career they belong to.
As for me , I have been dreaming about visiting Beijing for years and eventually i made it in last summer holiday . This place appealed me owing to its history.Suddenly i understood that everything would change and move forward step by step if you do not change youself .I believe that i can build a better world. i showed great enthusiam to every challenge i faced after that tour.

一些建议，形容一段时期之中使用DURING而不是FROM。句子长必须是不得不长，否则尽可能使用词组或者词汇代替。定语从句一定要画龙点睛，而不是充篇用来堆砌~当你确定了就不要用MAY BE之类的词汇。IS/ARE就很好~单复数前后保持一致，包括加S，语法格.最重要的一点，当你用英语进行写作，你必须去思考是否一个外国人会这样说，这样说是不是自然，是不是喧宾夺主。其中，What is more ,not only can traveller expand their horizon ,but teenagers gain social knowledge as soon as possible 这句话我没看懂，也没推测出你想表达的。就暂时删除了哈~还有，你去北京的时候为什么会发出如果我不改变，所有事物都前进的感慨。。。纯手工，希望采纳。

第一行who后面的he去掉，第三行在teenager后面加s，记住可数名词在句子中一定是前面加冠词或者变复数 第六行traveller后加s 第七行teenagers写错了 第二段最后一句话把teenagers改成a teenage 注意人称单复数前后一致 第三段第一句不知道想表达什么意思

注意单复数的变化，作文要写的有层次，这点你写的还不错
语法方面有时候也跟语感有关，没事多读英语的短文，课文也行，读出声，一定要多读，就会有语感

我用Ginger修改的，里面所有的错单词，语法我没看。
The story mainly tells us the writer change himself and
he is not a person who he used to be.
After he had a gap year and he learnt a lot from that year.
From my point of view, I strongly in favor of a teenager who just graduated from senior high
school should experience a gap year .The reason for this may be listed as follows.
First of all , teenagers had just gone through the examination which was in
relation to all one's life , may in need of reducing pressure and doing what he want to . What's more , not only can
travelers expand their horizon , but teenagers gain social knowledge as soon as
possible .Last but not least , it is necessary for teenagers seek for his dream
and realize what he want to be in the future .
As for me , Beijing
was the first place I hope to go
sightseeing and eventually I realize my dream in the summer holiday . The place
of interests appeal to me owing to its history and story, and I suddenly know
that everything would change and go forth step by step if you don't change yourself
.I am convinced that I could create a better world. I showed great enthusiasm
of every challenge I face after that tour.

真的，你英语果然很有问题，首段动词没有用过去式，第二段应该是l am in favor of 等等…错误太多，而且长句少用，显的繁琐！我高考作文满分，希望能帮助你…加我吧！903532807

这篇作文是以Knowledgeable的身份写给一个叫梅的人的朋友的回信，同学们希望这一段我觉得可以稍微改动一下Then you should tell Mei to go to parties

---

牧野区15927473056： 急求英语达人帮忙修改作文~请英语达人帮忙修改下作文,谢谢!Dear jhon,I have been your family teacher for nearly a month.in this period of time we get ... - ？
毋味武活：[答案] Dear Jhon, I have been your family teacher for nearly a month.In this period of time we get along well(with改为well),I have ... (a删除) great progress which shows your mind is brilliant enough to be qualified for your schoolwork in your math and English in the...

牧野区15927473056： 能帮我改改这篇英语作文吗,极其的感谢~~~Dear dad: As the Thanksgiving Days is coming, through all my life, I supposed you must be the first man I ought to ... - ？
毋味武活：[答案] Dear dad: As the Thanksgiving Days is coming, I think you must be the first man through all my life I ought to express my gratitude. You did so much for me not only in material but also in psychology....

牧野区15927473056： 帮我修改一下英语作文,谢谢,有什么毛病都指出来Working Individually or Working in a team There are basically two ways to get work .One is to work ... - ？
毋味武活：[答案] There are basically two ways to get work .get 有点多余.probilms应该为problems is benefits for 应该为is benefiicial have a habit of think 改为have a habit of thinking get correct conclude应该用reach co...

牧野区15927473056： 帮我修改一篇英语作文我现在高一,写了一篇英语作文,请英语高手帮我修改一下,谢谢!首先请看中文意思:今天,我从我的语文老师那里听到了一篇文章... - ？
毋味武活：[答案] 我给你改了一下,发现一些问题,并作出相应的修改,仅供参考.我只想说你的作文有点中国式的英语,而且一些词虽然意思对了但是用的场景不合适.还有时态的问题等,不过才高一写出这样的作文就不错了! I heard a story from my Chinese ...

牧野区15927473056： 请专业人士帮我修改下这篇英语作文作文,我需要的是增加语法!和改病句.一定要改正所有的错误并且流畅We all know a story similar to this: Two Men and ... - ？
毋味武活：[答案] 尽己所能地改了,满头大汗哪!希望对你有帮助! We all know the story about two men and a bear. The story goes like this:A thin man and a fat man were close friends.They promised to help each other when in trouble.One day,they were walking in a ...

牧野区15927473056： 帮我修改一下下这篇英语文章,帮我修改一下,看看有什么句子不够好的,帮我改改,越多越好.谢谢了!we made an activity survey last week.we asked all ... - ？
毋味武活：[答案] We carried out an activity survey last week. We asked all students in Class 12, Grade 8. And we drew a chart using the survey results. In our chart, most students watch TV everyday. Some students watch TV twice a week. And others watch it four times a ...

牧野区15927473056： 帮忙修改一下这篇英语作文 要求:没有语病,有分的哦I went to guangzhou to visit my uncle and aunt.We played happily there.The first day,we got to the airport ... - ？
毋味武活：[答案] We played happily there.;we had a great time.更好2,用of 3.Then it was dark.We found a hotel and sleeped there.改成(then it was land,we found a hotel to rest)4,用过去,与前一句一致5,语法对6.this trave...

牧野区15927473056： 我的一篇英语作文有没有帮我修改一下的 大神谢谢了 - ？
毋味武活： Club is a place where people get together for the discussion of various problems and for spending the leisure time. Club is the meeting place of the students for many activities. There are many clubs in educational institutions like literary club, ...

牧野区15927473056： 帮忙改下英语作文,谢谢!改的通顺些 - ？
毋味武活： It is polite to contribute your seat to weak people on bus .In my opinion, seat-giving is a social morality not under obligation.There will be no point to offer one...

牧野区15927473056： 有哪位高手能帮我在线修改一下这篇英语作文,是专四的哦,Do movie and television affect our life There is much talk about whether we should see many ... - ？
毋味武活：[答案] There is much talk about whether we 我感觉应该是talking However,I think that,their advantages far outweights disadvantages.... it may bring us more positive effects.另外,这句话最好放在结尾时说出来,也就是顺便提一下就行了. 你应该把下一段提到of ...