英文学得比较好的进来帮帮忙啊~ 我需要把下面这段文字翻译一下~是个笑话~

急！！求英文笑话...带中文翻译...~

第一个
A wise teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything that your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home."

一个聪明的老师在学期开始的第一天给所有的学生家长发了这样一条信息：“如果您们能够承诺绝不相信任何你的孩子所说的关于学校的事，我就也会承诺不会相信他说的关于家里的事。”

第二个

A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it. Inside was a genie. The genie said," I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only." The man thought about his first wish and decided, "I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account. POOF! Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him. He asked for his final wish, " I wish I was irresistible to women." POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates.

有一天，一个男人在沙滩上散步，发现了一个半掩在沙子中的瓶子。他决定打开它。里面住着一个精灵。精灵说，“我允许你许三个愿望，只有三个愿望哦。”男人想了想他的第一个愿望，然后决定说，“我想要将一百万元钱汇到我的瑞士银行账户上。”“嘣！”于是男人又许愿要一辆红色的法拉利。“嘣！”一辆车出现在了他的眼前。他开始许他最后一个愿望：“我想要所有的女人对我无法抗拒。”“嘣！”他变成了一盒巧克力。

第三个，
There was ice on the road, and the doctor's car hit a tree and turned over three times.To his surprise, he was not hurt. He got out of the car and walked to the nearest house.He wanted to telephone the garage for help.The door was opened by one of his patients.
"Oh,Doctor,"she said, "I have only just telephoned you. You must have a very fast car. You have got here very quickly indeed. There has been a very bad accident on the road outside. I saw it through the window. I am sure the driver will need your help."

由于路面上有冰，医生的车撞上了树，然后又滚了三滚。让他惊讶的是，他竟然没有受伤。他离开了车，走到了最近的一家房前，想打电话给汽车修理厂寻求帮助。没想到开门的人竟是他的一位病人。
“哦，医生，”她说，“我刚刚才给你打了个电话。你一定有一辆速度很快的车。事实上，你来得也太快了吧。我打电话给你是因为我刚刚透过窗子看到马路上发生了一起非常严重的交通事故。想说那个司机一定非常需要你的帮助。”

希望可以帮到你，如果还要的话，我还有很多。

do you know the gender of Rudolph the reindeer ?你知道鲁道夫（圣诞老人的驯鹿的名字）是雄的还是雌的？
how could i know!我怎么知道！
but i do.it is definitely female.我倒知道。它肯定是母的
reasons?理由呢
coz Saint Claus is male!因为圣诞老人是男的

A man keep a pig, but gradually he began to hate this pig, is seeking to put this pig away, but every time the pig all know the way home, so rejected many times without success. One day, the strong wind was blowing, it was raining hard, the man drive around a lot of curved son, pig lost to a very remote places. The night the man call family, ask a way: "the pig to go home?" Family replied: "yes." The man became very angry, and shouted: "call it answer the phone, I'm lost, not come home!"

A man raised a pig, but gradually he began to hate the pig, they try various devices to take the pig to throw away, but each time the pig know the way home, so rejected many times without success. One day, big winds, heavy rain, the man drove around a lot of times, the pig is lost to a very remote places. The night the man to call family, said:" the pig home?" The family replied:" yes." The man became very angry, and shouted:" call it to pick up the phone, I'm lost, unable to return home!"

A man started to dislike the pig he raised,so he thought of lots of ways to get rid of it,but the clever pig was always able to go back.
One special day,heavily rain and strong wind,the man drove his car and took as many turns as he could,and finally,he threw the pig at a very remote place...
At night a call reached the man's,it's the man:''were the pig home?''he shouted,"yeah," "Get him answer me,I'm lost!"
望采纳。。。

A man raised a pig, but gradually he began to hate the pig, they try various devices to take the pig to throw away, but each time the pig know the way home, so rejected many times without success. One day, big winds, heavy rain, the man drove around a lot of times, the pig is lost to a very remote places. The night the man to call family, said:" the pig home?" The family replied:" yes." The man became very angry, and shouted:" call it to pick up the phone, I'm lost, unable to return home!"

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