英语搞笑小品

搞笑英语两人小品对话~

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。 男: This seat empty?（这个座位是空的吧？）
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）【我立马走人】
男：Haven''t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）
女：Yes. That''s why I don''t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）【我不想和你有任何交集】
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）
女：Sorry. I''m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼)【^_^头疼也是可以预约的】
男：Can I have your name?（我能知道你的名字吗？）
女：Why? Don''t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）
男：I''m a photographer. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
女：I''m a plastic surgeon. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）【长的真丑】
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）
女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）【你能离开就是对我的仁慈】

　　12分钟好象有点长，我这里有我参加“星星火炬英语风采大赛”的剧本。参考一下额
　　Time ancient times. Character Mister Dongguo, wolf, hunter, old
　　apricot tree, Lao Niu, old farmer." In wilderness the mist and dust is
　　billowing, shouts the acoustic shock day. In shouted that, " fight wolves!pursues (a wolf belt arrow wound to go on stage)
　　wolf: I originally am
　　come from the north wolf, but in today the arrow was injured (wolf
　　lamely to run) [ Mister Dongguo to carry on the book pouch, on the one
　　hand walks on the other hand self-effacingly recites poetry.)
　　Guo: From a pot of wine among the flowers
　　I drank alone. There was no one with me --
　　Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
　　To bring me my shadow and make us three.

　　(Between the flower a pot liquor, drinks alone without the intimate.
　　Raises glass invites the bright moonlight, becomes three people to the
　　shade) (suddenly to discover on road crowd of ants, heart of the
　　mercy, has lifted a foot does not endure to lay down)
　　Guo: (Reads)
　　walks not injuries the cricket 蚁命 manner to have to have the mercy
　　heart (cautiously to bypass ant, after continues to lead the way)
　　(field shout big quake)
　　Guo: What happened next? The United States
　　military has joined battle with Iraq? (Wolf runs has come up) the
　　wolf: The adult saves a life, behind had a hunter to have to peel my
　　skin, rescued me!
　　Guo: Good good, is the person to want to be sincere
　　(was saying behind, dismounts the package, all but actually came out
　　the inside book)
　　Guo: You first hide in this package (wolf lamely
　　sneak in package) (Mister Dongguo to carry book pouch, continues to
　　walk) (on hunter) the hunter asks
　　Guo: Ask scholar's, has seen the
　　wolf which was injured to pass a moment ago?
　　Guo: Not.
　　Hunter: Thanks
　　gentleman. After (under hunter) (waits hunter to walk far, Mister
　　Dongguo put wolf from book pouch has gotten down)

　　Guo: The hunter walked, you in a big hurry escape the
　　wolf: Is
　　not I does not want to walk, I really am tired hungry
　　Guo: What then
　　you do want to eat?
　　Wolf: I must eat your meat! ! (Reveals fierce and antagonistic
　　expression)
　　Guo: Why then you do want to eat me? I have graciousness
　　and you

　　Wolf: Because you me stuffily in book pouch too long
　　Guo:
　　Really is the good intention not good newspaper. Is not good, I must
　　go ask the person to figure out! (Said, brings wolf to go) (to walk to
　　an old tree under)
　　Guo: Sets up eldest sister, I rescued the wolf, the
　　wolf have actually had to eat me. You to me comment this principle!
　　Tree: Should eat! (Wolf self-satisfied has smiled) the tree: Your
　　humanity endlessly cutted the piece of trees, continually our these old trees do
　　not let off, burns us with the fire. Why can't the wolf eat you? Ate
　　you to be able few individual to damage the nature (under old tree,
　　wolf slowly approached Mister Dongguo) (by now on cow)
　　Guo: Holds on a minute, lets me ask Niu eldest brother Guo: Eldest
　　brother Niu, my good intention has rescued this wolf, now it actually
　　must eat me. Should you said? Cow: This! Our Lao Niu gives birth to
　　must do this for your humanity to do that, drinks or our milk. But we
　　only eat the worst fodder every day, rest the worst cowshed, you also
　　had to dig up our cowhide to make money. The old wolf should eat you.
　　Wolf: (Sneers). Looked you also have any flattery (under cow) (on
　　farmer) Guo: And so on one and so on, the distant place has come an
　　old farmer. Asks him to figure out, if he said you should eat me, I
　　have complied with. Wolf: Good, I give you last the opportunity. Guo:
　　The old uncle, I has rescued this wolf, it actually ungratefully must
　　eat me. You said this makes sense? The farmer asks the wolf: Why did
　　you want to eat your savior? Wolf: He too has been stuffily long me in
　　the book pouch, almost suffocates me (farmer to take up book pouch,
　　about about looks at) the farmer: Was this book pouch such small, how
　　many installs the book all not to be able to install, how installed
　　under you? Or you demonstrate to me have a look? Wolf: The
　　demonstration (said on the demonstration, earth-boring auger has
　　leisurely gone in) the farmer to settle on the time, grips tightly the
　　book pouch mouth, ties up with the string. The wolf on is stranded in
　　the inside farmer: Silly scholar, the wild animal eventually is a wild
　　animal, could not change natural disposition. Is the person surely not
　　to be able to be excessively benevolent! Guo: (Nod name is) indeed
　　indeed, declines office due to old age the uncle to teach the farmer:
　　Then the present, we "solved" it (say. Two people treat the book pouch
　　to pummel, the farmer also uses the hoe to pound the wolf. The wolf
　　sends out the sorrowful bugle call in inside, one could not not then
　　have the sound of something astir) (farmer and Mister Dongguo shook
　　hand, separates from each other)

　　The curtain falls, all actor goes on stage.
　　时间 古代。
　　人物 东郭先生、狼 、猎人、老杏树，老牛、老农。”
　　荒野中烟尘滚滚，喊声震天。
　　内喊：“打狼啊，追啊
　　（一狼带箭伤上场，）
　　狼：我本是一只来自北方的狼，无奈今天中箭受了伤
　　（狼一瘸一拐跑下）
　　〔东郭先生背着书囊上，边走边摇头晃脑地念诗。）
　　郭： From a pot of wine among the flowers
　　I drank alone. There was no one with me --
　　Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
　　To bring me my shadow and make us three.
　　（花间一壶酒，独酌无相亲。举杯邀明月，对影成三人）
　　（忽然发现路上一群蚂蚁，顿起慈悲之心，已举起的一只脚不忍放下）
　　郭： （念）走路莫伤蝼蚁命
　　为人要有慈悲心
　　（小心翼翼地绕过蚂蚁，继续前行）
　　（后场喊声大震，）
　　郭：又发生了什么事？美军又与伊拉克交战了吗？
　　（狼跑过上来）
　　狼：大人救命，后面有个猎人要剥了我的皮，救救我吧！
　　郭：好吧好吧，做人要厚道
　　（说着，卸下背后的包，把里面的书都倒了出来）
　　郭：你先躲在这个包里吧
　　（狼一瘸一拐地钻进包里）
　　（东郭先生背着书囊，继续走）
　　（猎人上，）
　　猎人问郭： 请问秀才，刚才看见一只受伤的狼过去了吗？
　　郭：没有啊。
　　猎人：谢谢先生。
　　（猎人下）
　　（待猎人走远后，东郭先生把狼从书囊里放了下来）

　　郭：猎人已走，你快快逃命去吧
　　狼：不是我不想走，我实在是又累又饿
　　郭：那你要吃什么？
　　狼：我要吃你的肉！！（露出凶狠表情）
　　郭：那你为何要吃我？我有恩与你

　　狼：因为你把我闷在书囊里太久了
　　郭：真是好心没好报。不行，我要去找人评理！
　　（说完，带着狼向前去）
　　（走到一棵老树下）郭：树大姐，我救了狼，狼却要吃我。你给我评评这个理！
　　树：该吃！
　　（狼得意的笑了）
　　树：你们人类无休止地乱砍乱伐，连我们这些老树也不放过，用火来烧我们。狼为什么不能吃你呢？吃了你就能少个人来祸害大自然了
　　（老树下，狼慢慢逼近东郭先生）
　　（这时牛上了）
　　郭： 且慢，让我去问问牛大哥
　　郭：牛大哥，我好心救了这只狼，现在它却要吃我。你说该不该？
　　牛：该！我们老牛生下来就要为你们人类干这干那，喝的还是我们的奶。可我们每天只吃最差的草料、睡最差的牛棚，你们还要扒了我们的牛皮去赚钱。老狼该吃你。
　　狼：（冷笑）。看你还有什么好说的
　　（牛下）（农夫上）
　　郭：等一等，远处来了一位老农夫。找他评理，要是他说你该吃了我，我就遵从。
　　狼：好，我就给你最后一次机会。
　　郭：老伯，我救了这只狼，它却忘恩负义地要吃我。你说这有道理吗？
　　农夫问狼：你为何要吃了你的救命恩人？
　　狼：他把我闷在书囊里太久了，差点闷死我
　　（农夫拿起书囊，上下左右看了看）
　　农夫：这书囊这么小，装书都装不了多少，怎么装的下你？要不你示范给我看看？
　　狼：示范就示范
　　（说完，慢慢悠悠地钻了进去）
　　农夫看准时间，把书囊口扎紧，用绳子绑好。狼就被困在里面了
　　农夫：傻秀才啊，野兽终究是野兽，改不了本性的。做人千万不能过分仁慈！
　　郭：（点头称是）的确的确，多谢老伯教诲
　　农夫：那么现在，我们就把它“解决了吧”
　　（说罢。两人对着书囊拳打脚踢，农夫还用锄头砸狼。狼在里面发出哀号声，不一会便没了动静）
　　（农夫与东郭先生握了握手，分道扬镳）

　　幕落，全体演员上场。
　　剧本是我自己写的，希望给你帮上忙啊

中小学英语剧本文章列表
[中小学英语剧本]龟兔赛跑 佚名 12-06
[中小学英语剧本]Pull up the turnip 佚名 12-06
[中小学英语剧本]远 离 网 吧Keep Away From the Net 佚名 12-06
[中小学英语剧本]The Ugly Duckling 佚名 12-06
[中小学英语剧本]《白雪公主》英语童话剧 佚名 09-18
[中小学英语剧本]AprilFool'sDay 佚名 04-03
[中小学英语剧本]玛菲女儿《吐蕃来使求娶文成公主》（独幕剧） 小吗啡（… 12-08
[中小学英语剧本]英语短剧： The Tortoise and the Hare（龟兔赛跑） 尚丽娟（… 11-27
[中小学英语剧本]英语短剧：The Fox and the Tiger（狐假虎威） 尚丽娟（… 11-27
[中小学英语剧本]英语童话剧：白雪公主<剧本> 佚名 11-27
[中小学英语剧本]儿童英语剧本Little Red coat 佚名 11-27
[中小学英语剧本]英语表演剧本--小狮子找食物 佚名 11-27
[中小学英语剧本]英语小品剧本-----小红帽 佚名 11-27
[中小学英语剧本]英文小品The Ants and the Picnic 佚名 11-10
[中小学英语剧本]Jungle Story 张宇 11-10
[中小学英语剧本]The Three Bears 张宇 11-10
[中小学英语剧本]Little Red Riding Hood 张宇 11-10
[中小学英语剧本]Cinderella 张宇 11-10
[中小学英语剧本]Little Duck 佚名 11-10
http://www.coffbar.com/Article/midpre/midpren/Index.html

Teacher:
When
you
yawn,
your
supposed
to
put
your
hand
to
your
mouth!
Pupil:
What
?,
and
get
bitten!
Teacher:
You
aren't
paying
attention
to
me.
Are
you
having
trouble
hearing?
Pupil:
No,
teacher
I'm
having
trouble
listening!
Why
were
you
late?
Sorry,
teacher,
I
overslept.
You
mean
you
need
to
sleep
at
home
too!
Teacher:
Class,
we
will
have
only
half
a
day
of
school
this
morning.
Class:
Hooray
Teacher:
We
will
have
the
other
half
this
afternoon!
Teacher:
That's
quite
a
cough
you
have
there,
what
are
you
taking
for
it?
Pupil:
I
don't
know
teacher.
What
will
you
give
me?
Son:
I
can't
go
to
school
today.
Father:
Why
not?
Son:
I
don't
feel
well
Teacher:
Where
don't
you
feel
well?
Son:
In
school!
Teacher:
You
missed
school
yesterday
didn't
you?
Pupil:
Not
very
much!
Father:
I
hear
you
skipped
school
to
play
football
Son:
No
I
didn't,
and
I
have
the
fish
to
prove
it!
Pupil
(on
phone)
:
My
son
has
a
bad
cold
and
won't
be
able
to
come
to
school
today.
School
Secretary:
Who
is
this?
Pupil:
This
is
my
father
speaking!
Father:
How
do
you
like
going
to
school?
Son:
The
going
bit
is
fine,
as
is
the
coming
home
bit
too,
but
I'm
not
too
keen
on
the
time
in-between!

---

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