求几个英语笑话 简短 有新意 单词不要太生疏复杂 不要复制已有的欢迎原创
1、Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：这个座位是空的么？ 女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。
2、Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. 男孩：我可以给你买杯饮料吗？ 女孩：你不如直接把钱给我得了。
3、My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字。布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
4、My Wife Will Exchange Them。A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson. ″Makes no difference ″replied customer. ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk. ″Any″ he responded.
″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″
反正我太太明天会来换的。一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。 “您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。 “没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。 “那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。“什么颜色都成。”他回答。 “号码呢？” “您就随便给我拿一副吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天都会来换的。”
5、A physics Examination，Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunder rolls?
Nick‘s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考试。在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
6、Jim’s History Examination。Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的历史考试。舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。
7、he is really somebody。-- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物。-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？-- 墓地守墓人。
扩展资料：
笑话具有篇幅短小，故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有高下之分。
人类历史上，人自从有了语言，就已经出现了开玩笑的语言，最早，人们以口相传，后来有了文字，许多笑话便被记载下来，编书成册。但还有很多笑话，是流传于民间的，就当今社会，每天都有很多笑话出现，有心人如果收集，我想将来一定会有价值。
同时丰富了笑话的宝库。随着近十年网络和手机的飞速发展，随之出现了网络笑话，网络流行语，给力大全，手机笑话，雷人语句，笑料联盟等，促使笑话发展到一个新的阶段。
参考资料：百度百科：笑话
1.I made my granny happy
我让奶奶开心了
A teacher was telling her students the importance of making others happy.
一位老师在跟学生讲让别人开心的重要性。
"Now, children," she asked, "has anyone of you ever made someone else happy?"
"现在，孩子们，"她问道，"你们当中有谁曾让别人开心过吗？"
"Miss," said a little boy, "I made my granny happy yesterday."
一个小男孩说："老师，昨天我就让我奶奶很开心。"
"Good boy! How did you do that?"
"真是个好孩子！你是怎么做到的呢？"
"I went to see her yesterday and stayed with her for three hours. When I told her I was going home, she said, 'Well, I'm so glad! '"
"我昨天去看奶奶，在她家呆了3个小时。当我跟奶奶说我要回家的时候，她说：'啊，我很高兴！'"
2.The origin of human race
人类的起源
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
一个小女孩问她的妈妈："人类是怎么出现的呢？"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made."
妈妈回答说："上帝创造了亚当和夏娃，他们有了孩子。人类就是这样诞生的。"
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
两天后，小女孩问她父亲同样的问题。
The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys on the earth. And the human race was evolved from the monkeys."
爸爸回答说："很多年以前，地球上有很多猴子，人类就是从猴子进化来的。"
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
小女孩被搞糊涂了，于是又去问她妈妈："妈妈，你说人类是上帝创造的，而爸爸说人类是由猴子进化来的，这怎么可能呢？"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
妈妈回答说："呃，宝贝，这很简单。我告诉你的是我们家族的进化史，你爸爸告诉你的是他们家族的进化史。
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment.
“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”Top joke in USAA man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”Top joke in CanadaWhen NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
The Russians used a pencil.Top joke in AustraliaThis woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….”Top joke in UKA woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”Top Joke in EnglandTwo guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!” The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”Top Joke in WalesA turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don’t know, it all happened so fast.”Top Joke in Northern IrelandA doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.“Oh dear, what’s the bad news?” asks the patient. The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”“That’s terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?” The doctor replies, “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”Top joke in BelgiumWhy do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducksTop joke in GermanyA general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That’s not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That’s it.” 世界最佳两个猎人在森林里打猎，突然一人晕倒了。没有了呼吸。另外一个人急忙掏出打911。
“我的朋友死了，我该怎么做？”他紧张的大喊。
接线员说：“别那么紧张，我能帮你。首先，要确定他真的死了。”沉寂片刻，传来一声枪响。他回到电话中说：“好了，然后呢？”世界第二夏洛克·福尔摩斯和华生医生正在进行一次野营旅行。在吃过晚饭，喝了瓶葡萄酒后，他们便躺下呼呼大睡。
过了不知几个小时，福尔摩斯醒了过来并推醒他最忠诚的朋友，“华生，快看看天空，然后告诉我你能看见什么。”
“我能看见数千万颗星星，福尔”华生回答。
“接下来你能从中推理出什么？”
华生思考了一分钟，“好的，让我逐条说明--
--根据天文学，说明那里可能有数百万个星系和几十亿颗潜藏的行星。
--从占星学角度来说，我观察到土星的位子处于狮子座。
--从钟表学上看，我推测现在的时间大约是3 点一刻。
--就气象学而言，我想明天很可能是晴空万里。
--神学上，我又能深深感到上帝的强大与我们的渺小，有如浮游于天地，沧海之一粟。”
“那你能推理出什么呢，福尔？”
福尔沉默了片刻后。
“华生，你真够白痴的！”他说。“有混蛋把我们的帐篷偷走了！”Top joke in USA 美国 一天，一个男人和他的朋友正在当地的高尔夫球场打球。当他正准备切球时，看见一支长长的送葬队伍沿着道路方向走来。他的手刚摆到一半，立刻停下来，脱下他的高尔夫球帽，闭上眼睛，深深的鞠躬并默默祈祷。
他的朋友看了说：“喔喔，这是我见过最体贴最感人的事了。你真是个善良的男人。”
那个男人然后说，“是啊，怎么说我们也结婚35年了。” Top joke in Canada 加拿大在美国太空总署第一次派太空人上太空时，他们很快发现圆珠笔无法在零重力的情况下工作。为了解决这个问题，美国太空总署花了10年时间和120亿美元研发了一种可以在零重力，倒置，水下，和几乎一切表面包括玻璃上书写，适应温度的范围从0摄氏度到300摄氏度的钢笔。而俄国人用铅笔Top joke in Australia 澳大利亚 一个女人急冲冲的找到她的大夫，样子非常的焦虑，而且神情恍惚。她紧张兮兮的说，“大夫，快看看我。我今早起来的时候，我看镜子里的自己。我的头发一根根好像生锈的金属丝一样，我的皮肤苍白满是皱纹，我的眼睛布满血丝，还有小虫子掉出来，这是在我脸上找到的虫子尸体！我到底怎么了，大夫！？”
医生接过虫子尸体，给她检查几分钟。然后平静的说，“还好，我只能告诉你，你的眼睛没有任何问题....”Top joke in UK 英国一个女人抱着她的孩子搭上一辆巴士。司机说，“那是我见过的最丑的小孩了，呃咯！”那个女人生气的走到巴士后排坐下。她对身旁的一个男人抱怨到，“刚才司机在侮辱我！”那个男人说：“你直接过去，叫他闭嘴。你去吧，猴子我帮你抱着。”top Joke in England 英格兰岛 两个男人坐在酒吧里。其中一个开始侮辱另一个人。他高声嚷到，“我和你妈睡过！”酒吧里顿时一片寂静，每个人都想听听那个人会怎么反击。他又一次大喊，“我睡过你妈！另一个人说，“你喝醉了，爸，咱回家吧！”Top Joke in Wales 威尔士 纽约的一只乌龟，当它走在过一条胡同时，被一群蜗牛打劫。警探前来调查，他让乌龟描述下当时的情况。乌龟一脸迷糊的看着警探，回答：“我什么都不知道，事情发生的太快了。”Top Joke in Northern Ireland 北爱尔兰 医生对病人说，“我有一个坏消息和一个更坏的消息。”“哎呦，妈呀！坏消息是什么？”病人问。医生回答，“你只能活不超过24个小时。”“太可怕了”，病人说，“还能有什么比这还糟？”医生说，“我从昨天开始就一直试图联系你。”Top joke in Belgium 比利时 为什么鸭子长着蹼脚？
能踩灭火灾
为什么大象是扁平足？
能踩灭着火的鸭子Top joke in Germany 德国 一个将军注意到他的一个士兵。这个士兵会拿起他找到的任何一张纸，然后不满的说“不是这张”，接着便把它扔到地上再去找。他这样已经持续了一段时间，直到将军安排这个士兵进行心理测试。
结束后，心理学家给这个士兵下的结论是，他疯了。并因此给他开了退役表。
士兵拿起它，微笑着说：“找到了。”
今天我正在看碟，老妈又捧了本书进来，说道：给我讲讲这几句话什么意思 ]
老妈：这个“i don’t know.“是什么意思？
我说：“我不知道”
老妈：送你上大学上了几年，你怎么什么都不知道！！
我说：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！！
老妈：还嘴硬！！！！（一顿爆揍)
老妈：你在给我说说这个。“i know.“是什么意思你该知道吧，给我说说。
我说：是“我知道“
老妈：知道就快说。
我说：就是“我知道“
老妈：找茬呀你？刚才收拾你收拾的轻了是不？
我说：就是我知道呀！
老妈：知道你还不说！！不懂不要装懂(又一顿爆揍)
老妈：你给我小心点，花那么多钱送你上大学，搞的现在什么都不会，会那么一丁点东西还跟老娘摆谱，再问你最后一个，你给我好好解释一下，说不出来我在收拾你，你给我翻译一下“i know but idon’t want to tell you.”是什么意思？
我晕倒，拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，用头撞墙四十多下，双手轮番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用腿踢桌子角六十多下，血肉模糊之时，我问老妈：这下你满意吧
这不她老人家又来问我了:“儿啊,i`m very annoyance,don`t tuouble me.是什么意思啊~?“
我:“我很烦,别烦我“ ;
老妈:“找打,跟你妈这么说话“(于是被扁)
老妈又问;“i hear nothing,repeat.是what意思啊“
我说:“我没听清,再说一次“
老妈又说了一遍:i hear nothing,repeat“
“我没听清,再说一次“
结果被扁
老妈再问:“what do you say“又怎么解释呢“
我说:“你说什么“(再次被扁)
老妈再问:“look up in the dictionary“是何意啊’
我说:“查字典“
“查字典我还问你做甚“(被扁)
老妈又问:you had better ask somebody.怎么翻呢“
我说:“你最好问别人“
“你是我儿子,我问别人干吗,又找打.“
“啊!god save me!“
“耍你老妈玩,上帝也救不了你!(被扁)
我再问你:“use you head,then thin kit over,又是什么意思啊!“
我说:“动动脑子,再仔细想想.“
“臭小子,还敢耍我“接着又要动手
我连忙说:“是世上只有妈妈好的意思”
“嗯,这还差不多,一会我给你做好吃的,明天再问你”
定坚奥复： One day, Jake was walking to school when he met his friend Mark. ＂Hi!＂ Mark said. ＂I have a very good joke for you. Why did the chicken cross the road?＂ ＂I don't know Mark, why did the chicken cross the road?' ＂Because he wanted to get to the other side!＂ Ha, ha, ha!
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