小学三年级英语笑话超简单的!

简单的英语小笑话(3年级，带中文)~

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

Fox and cock
One morning a fox sees a cock.He
think,"This is my breakfast.''
He comes up to the cock and says,"I know
you can sing very well.Can you sing for me?''The
cock is glad.He closes his eyes and begins
to sing.The fox sees that and caches him in his mouth and carries him away.
The people in the field see the fox.They cry,"Look,look!The fox is carrying the cock away.''The cock says to the fox,"Mr Fox,do you understand?The people say you are carrying their cock away.Tell them it is yours.Not theirs.''
The fox opens his mouth ang says,"The cock is mine,not yours.''Just then the cock runs away from the fox and flies into the tree.
狐狸和公鸡
一天早上，一只狐狸看到了一只公鸡。他想：这是我的早餐。
他朝公鸡走来，对他说：“我知道，你能唱得非常好听，你能唱给我听么？”公鸡很高兴。他闭上眼睛开始唱歌。狐狸看到这些抓住它放到自己的嘴里走了。
在田地里的人们看到了狐狸。大喊大叫：“看，看！狐狸抓住公鸡逃走了。”公鸡对狐狸说：“狐狸先生，你能理解么？人们认为你叼走了公鸡。告诉他们这是你的，不是他们的。”
狐狸张开她的嘴说：“公鸡是我的，不是你们的。”就在那时，。公鸡跑到了树底下。

At home in the yard.
The Jones family is at home in the yard today. The sun is shining, and the birds are singing. It's a beautiful day!
Mr. Jones is reading the newspaper. Mrs. Jones is drinking juice. Sally and Ken Jones are playing with the dog. Jim Jones is playing the guitar. And Tom Jones is sleeping.
The Jones family is very happy today. It's beautiful day, and they're at home in the yard.
在院子里
今天琼斯家庭在院子里。太阳照耀着，鸟儿们歌唱着。这是美好的一天！
琼斯先生正在看报纸。琼斯夫人正在喝果汁。萨丽琼斯和肯琼斯正在和狗玩。吉米琼斯正在弹吉他，汤姆琼斯正在睡觉。
琼斯家庭今天非常高兴。这是美好的一天，因为他们在院子里。

A Bet
Two pals are sitting in a pub watching the eleven-'clock news.A reporter comes on about a man threatening to jump from the 20th floor of a downtown building.One friend turns to the other and says,'I'll bet you ten bucks the guy doesn't jump.'
'It's a bet,' agrees his buddy.
A few minutes later, the man on the ledge jumps,so the loser hands his pal a $10 bill.'I can't take your money,'his friend admits.'I saw him jump earlier on the six-o'clock news.'
'Me,too,'says the other buddy.'But I didn't think he'd do it again.
打赌
两个好朋友正坐在一家小酒馆内观看十一点的电视新闻。一则新闻报道说，有个男人威胁要从商业区一座大楼的二十层跳下去。一位朋友转身对另一位说道：“我敢赌十块钱，那家伙不会往下跳。”
“赌就赌，”他的朋友欣然同意。
几分钟后，站在墙檐上的男人跳了下去，因而赌输的那位交给他的朋友一张十元的钞票。“我不能拿你的钱，”他的朋友承认道，“早在六点的新闻里，我就已见他跳下去了。”
“我也是，”另一位说，“可我想他不会再跳了！”

风和太阳(The Wind And The Sun)
One day the wind said to the sun, “Look at that man walking along the road. I can get his cloak off more quickly than you can.”
“We will see about that,” said the sun. “I will let you try first.”
So the wind tried to make the man take off his cloak. He blew and blew, but the man only pulled his cloak more closely around himself.
“I give up,” said the wind at last. “I cannot get his cloak off.” Then the sun tried. He shone as hard as he could. The man soon became hot and took off his cloak.
(有一天风跟太阳说: “看看那个沿着路上走的人.我可以比你快让他把披风脱下来.)
(“我们等着看吧,”太阳说, “我让你先试.)
(因此风尝试让那个人把披风脱下来.他用力地吹,可是那个人把披风拉得更紧.)
(“我放弃了,”风最后说, “我无法让他把披风脱下来.”然后由太阳试试看.他尽可能地晒他.不久,那个人很热就把披风脱下来了.)

Once upon a time ,a stupid guy went to the doctor's.
"What's the matter with you",asked the doctor.
"I have been broken all!",said the fool .
"Broken all,what's it mean?",the doctor was surprised.
Then,the fool pointed to his head and said:"Ouch!There is something wrong with my head."after that,he pointed to his back and said :"ouch,my back hurt."then,he touch his nose and said:"ouch,my nose hurt"……
The doctor thought a while and said :"you have a bad finger"
从前，有个傻瓜去看医生。那医生问他有什么病。那傻瓜说他全身伤了。那医生很疑惑。接着，那傻瓜用手指着头说：“很痛，我的头伤了。”接着，有指着背，鼻子，说它们都伤了。
那医生想了一会儿，说：“你的手指伤了。”

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
呵呵,一个比一个效率高.

Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!
拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!"

My Baby Swallowed a Bullet

Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ?

Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody."
年轻的妈妈说：“医生，我孩子吞下一颗子弹，我该怎么办？”
医生说：“不要让他指着任何人。”

Notes
1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹
2. to point at: 对...瞄准

allybaby
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"

两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”

fool_fox

标题：I'm the boss
内容：The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
note:staff meeting:员工会议

Wife's picture
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all night long. But you go to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
note:tavern 酒馆, 客栈
martini 马提尼酒
peek/pi;k/ n.一瞥, 匆忙看过v.偷看

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

GOOD GOOD STUDY DAY DAY UP! 好好学习 天天向上！ 呵呵

i have a strange computer. it is like a person.
you mean it can think?
no, but when it makes a mistake(错误) it can put the blame(责任) on another computer.

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