求搞笑的英语小品稿

求幽默搞笑的英语小品~

Father's Things

When Tom Howard was seventeen years old he was as tall as his father, so he began to borrow Mr. Howard's clothes when he wanted to go out with his friends in the evening.
Mr. Howard did not like this, and he always got very angry when he found his son wearing any of his things.
One evening when Tom came downstairs to go out, his father stopped him in the hall. He looked at Tom's clothes very carefully.
Then he said angrily, "Isn't that one of my ties, Tom?"

"Yes, Father, it is," answered Tom.

"And that shirt's mine too."

"Yes, that's yours too," answered Tom.

"And you're wearing my belt!" said Mr. Howard.

"Yes, I am, Father," answered Tom. "You don't want your trousers to fall down, do you?"

父亲的东西

汤姆.霍德华十七岁的时候，长得和父亲一样高了，于是当他晚上和朋友一起出去时，就开始借父亲的衣服穿。

霍德华先生可不喜欢这样，当他发现他的儿子穿他的衣服时，总是非常生气。

一天晚上，汤姆下楼准备出去，父亲在门厅里拦住了他。他细细打量着汤姆的穿着。

然后他气呼呼地说：“汤姆，那不是我的一条领带吗？”

汤姆回答说：“是的，父亲，是你的领带。”

“还有那衬衫也是我的。”

“是的，衬衫也是你的。”汤姆回答说。

“还有呢，你连皮带也用我的。”霍德华先生说。

“是的，父亲，”汤姆回答说，“你不愿意让你的裤子掉下来吧？”

英文
Super funny comedy "blind detection ."
( Figure A, rural old man aged 61 years is a rheumatic diseases , or a serious presbyopia. Figure B , drug agent detection division , or a high degree of myopia , myopia up to 1250 degrees )

( Props, two chairs , a work desk , a bed. )

( Scenario A one stage hands also take a walk on crutches to assist walking cane, said while walking )

A : My old man suffering from rheumatism for many years ; to see a doctor , spent all the family money ; no way I had to borrow money from the sick to see ; your patient alive is hard to talk about this ! I have recently heard that there is a kind of what is called, " Zhuiming revive Dan ," the drug can treat : " osteoarthritis rheumatoid, what organs can cure AIDS " buy point try. Looking for most of the day , the address , the sale of drugs is this place ! ( A slowly pushed open the door into the house , he saw , B are lying on the floor touching things, old man vertigo, did not see what they said is Gesha )

A : This is a place to sell drugs a dog doing it ! Gosh ! What breed ah ! Head is not small ! ( In this case, B to A climb over, according to B of A is the kick ass shouted ) to bite me Tisi you !
B : Oh ! Who kicked me !
A : OMG ! You see my eyes, this is not the man you ! ( Hurried apology ) I'm really sorry ! My bad eyes , and consequently see a piece . Mistook you as that thing up !
B : ( slowly stood up ) What do you do ?
A : I was rheumatic patients to these medicines , you are " Zhuiming revive Dan " factory agent , right ?
B : ( B one thought is to buy medicine , the sale to a busy answered with a smile ) Yes! We are looking for old comrades to the bench to sit down and talk ( B groping to find a stool and sat down )
B : Come and sit down old comrades ! ( A also looking stool and sat down )
A : You just lying on the floor doing? Whole I thought you were going to bite me!
B : Oh ! This is not it all a misunderstanding , I myopia , which put just can not find my glasses , no glasses and I almost blind , just what is in touch glasses .
A : Oh ! You also worse than I am blind , how would you in this one ?
B : There is one, go to the next patient commercials go. The smaller the person , the less overhead it!
A : Oh ! Broadcast every afternoon . Those patients say that this drug God ! Do not know, it makes good medicine in the end !
B : This is where you can come on , I tell you about the pharmacological it !
A : What do you say speak.
B : Do you know " Zhuiming revive Dan " This drug is how made it?
A : I do not know .
B : Tell you what, " Zhuiming revive Dan " This drug wow , is extracted from turtle egg out !
A : turtle egg ?
B : that people say bastard .
A : Oh ! Understand, you son of a bitch this drug is extracted from the inside out ! Right ?
B : You can almost say that!
A : That son of a bitch what's inside can be a good thing ah ?
B : Then I ask you: Is this bastard of a long life is not long ?
A : Long ! Millennium bastard you !
B : Do you think again , bastard often live in the water , then damp places , so why should not it rheumatism ?
A : That I can not say that it was only sick bastard shall not wet know !
B : You are not a medical student , the course does not know. Let me tell you , it is because the body contains a bastard rheumatoid antibodies ! We just put this antibody extracted, made a " Zhuiming revive Dan " , this time you get the point ?
A : Oh ! I lived most of my life , the son of a bitch is a bad thing you know , I did not expect so much useless these days bastard !
B : You're right , it is very useful to big !
A : On your flyer reads: "first free testing , after the medicine ." Detection of places where you?
B : Oh ! I'm detection division, right here.
A : Are you ?
B : how , do not believe me , I'm a regular medical school , ah , did not see my eyes so big right degree , are learning to learn ah !
A : I do not do not believe you, but you do not have glasses, how to detect it?
B : I'm very skilled medical care which , no glasses does not matter, which sell drugs bear , I was talking about early medicine, early health ! So dark and dreary yet !
A : All right ! It started , how check it?
B : We examined three aspects , and then give you a diagnosis. You listen to me on the line !
A : OK ! All listen to you.
B : I will start with a drop of blood collected on your ears , look at your blood viscosity ! ( B touched the drawer and took out a plate, and a knife ) stretched over the ear !
A : ( mouth constantly muttering ) I do not grasp. . . . . . Does not seem to grasp. . . . . .
B : Do not panic !
A : fool can not nervous , take my blood and not take you ! ( A slowly stretched his head , grabbed his hand touched a B ears )
B : I'm going to blood , ah , do not move ! ( Only to hear , yeah ! Bang , A is B 's ears cut a long hole , the blood continued to flow out )
A : Doctor, I just got it wrong now ! You're picking a drop of blood or the blood of a pound ah !
B : I do not have to tell you do not move you, what you always shiver Yeah !
A : For you this look, everyone was shaking !
B : OK ! Enough blood , and quickly medication cloth, cover your ears , ( A took drugs cloth covered his mouth and ears residence not say )
A : What blood enough, I have to see more !
B : Now you knelt on the bed to support his hands , head and rushed west. After reading the blood viscosity, I'll give you the last second detection .
A : ( slowly over to the bed to himself :) This hurts my ears , what Chong Dong , Chong West . Really not a thing !
B : ( After a while , B groping came to bed, feeling a butt says ) raised his point ! ( A lift up the buttocks lift ) this old man with so large a mask doing it , face a big enough ! The masks win !
A : masks ? I did not wear masks wow , your doctor made a mistake ! That was my butt , head over here where !
B : You see you, I will not tell you head west punch you, how do you put the red ass West it! ( B touched a head, by a few A's cervical spine, for a say ) You say now , ah !
A : ( A said in a trembling voice ) ah !
B : ( B fiercely say a ) too serious !
A : ( A asks the doctor Road ) doctor , rheumatism does not seem so check it ?
B : Listen to my right ! Come on down .
A : ( A bed slowly down his mouth and said ) not wrong with it , face and buttocks are hard to tell !
B : Come here , I'll give you Baba Mai . Outstretched left hand !
A : Doctor, I left not.
B : I said the line on the line, should the left hand. You heard Nanzuonvyou you ! ( A , no way out his left arm , B , while the vein while asked ) you rheumatoid many years ?
A : Oh , my rheumatism must be very old ! Very young my mother said I have rheumatism, wind and rain my leg was so painful that way ! The older , the more serious this sick!
B : Oh , OK, just checking through , and through me on your pulse, I already know the condition of your friends !
A : I diagnose what is Shabing ah ?
B : With my years of experience , as well as the length of time you get sick , I can conclude that you have the typical " congenital postpartum rheumatism " !
A : ah ! From my point of view that you context it?
B : Your context is very smooth , and quickly take " Zhuiming revive Dan " it ! Guarantee that you will not hurt !
A : What if it hurts ?
B : Then you can continue to eat , guaranteed! One day the pain will slowly disappear !
A : I understand, you are said to have died on It does not hurt anymore !
B : What is this nonsense !
A : Doctor , you're worthy of geniuses , I too admire you, you have given me to feel the pulse of a prosthetic arm ! ( A turned to go out, her lips to say ) can extract the son of a bitch in anything good ! I see you and your drugs are the same, are extracted from the son of a bitch coming out !
B : old comrades ! I'm not finished yet. . . . . . !
中文
前面的看评论。评论接着这：什么，《追命还魂丹》的药，能治疗：“骨质增生类风湿，什么五脏六腑还能治爱滋”想买点试试。找了大半天，根据地址，卖药的地方就是这了！（甲慢慢的推门进屋，看见，乙正趴在地上摸东西，老汉眼花，没看清楚是个啥东西便说道）

甲：这卖药的地方养条狗干嘛呀！天哪！这是什么品种啊！个头还不小！（这时，乙向甲爬过来，甲照着乙的屁股就是一脚大声喊道）去，咬我踢死你！
乙：哎呀！是谁在踢我！
甲：妈呀！你看我这眼神，这不是人吗！（急忙道歉）实在对不起！我这眼神不好，看啥都一片一片的。错把你当成那玩意了！
乙：（慢慢站起身）你是干什么的？
甲：我是风湿病患者到这买药的，你是《追命还魂丹》厂家的代理吧？
乙：（乙一听是来买药的心想，买卖来了，忙笑着回答）对！老同志来我们找凳子坐下来说话（乙摸索着找到凳子坐了下来）
乙：过来坐老同志！（甲也找凳子坐了下来）
甲：刚才你趴在地上干啥呢？整的我还以为你要咬我呢！
乙：哦！全是误会这不是吗，我近视眼，刚才我的眼镜放哪找不到了，没有眼镜我和瞎子差不多，刚才是在摸眼镜哪。
甲：哦！你瞎的比我还厉害，怎么这就里就你一个人？
乙：还有一个，下去找患者拍广告去了。人越少开销越小嘛！
甲：哦！天天下午播。那些患者都说这药神！也不知道，这药到底好不好使！
乙：这下你可来对了，我给你讲讲药理吧！
甲：那你就说说吧。
乙：你知道《追命还魂丹》这药，是怎么制成的吗？
甲：不知道。
乙：告诉你吧，《追命还魂丹》这药哇，是从甲鱼蛋里提炼出来的！
甲：甲鱼蛋？
乙：就是老百姓所说的王八。
甲：哦！懂了，你这药是从王八蛋里提炼出来的！对吧？
乙：差不多可以这么说！
甲：这王八蛋里能有啥好东西啊？
乙：那我先问你：这王八的寿命长不长？
甲：长！千年王八吗！
乙：你再想一想，王八经常在水里生活，那么潮湿的地方，它为啥不得风湿病？
甲：这我可说不好，它得不得湿病只有王八才知道！
乙：你不是学医地，当然不知道了。告诉你吧，就是因为王八的体内含有一种风湿抗体！我们就是把这种抗体提炼出来，制成了《追命还魂丹》，这回你明白了吧？
甲：哦！我活了大半辈子了，就知道王八蛋是个坏东西，没想到这年头王八蛋用处这么大！
乙：你说对了，用处大的很呢！
甲：你们的传单上写着：“先免费检测，后买药”。检测的地方在哪呀？
乙：哦！我就是检测师，就在这里。
甲：你？
乙：怎么，还不相信我，我可是正规医学院毕业的啊，没看见我眼睛的度数这么大吗，都是学习学的啊！
甲：我不是不相信你，可你没有眼镜，怎么检测呀？
乙：我医疗技术精湛的很哪，没有眼镜也没有关系，卖药要紧哪，我是说呀，早吃药，早健康！免得夜长梦多吗！
甲：好吧！那就开始吧，怎么检呢？
乙：我们检测三个方面，然后给你一个诊断结果。你听我的就行了！
甲：行！全听你的。
乙：我先从你耳朵上采一滴血，看看你的血粘稠度！（乙摸着从抽屉里拿出一个盘，和一把小刀）把耳朵伸过来！
甲：（嘴里不断的嘟囔）我看不把握。。。。。。好像不把握。。。。。。
乙：别紧张！
甲：傻子才能不紧张，取我的血又不是取你的！（甲慢慢的把头伸过去，乙用手摸着拽住了甲的耳朵）
乙：我可要采血了啊，别动！（只听见，呀！的一声，甲的耳朵被乙割开了一个长口子，血不断地流出来）
甲：大夫，刚才是我听错了吧！你是采一滴血，还是一斤血呀！
乙：我不都告诉你别动了吗，你老哆嗦什么呀！
甲：就你这眼神，谁都得哆嗦！
乙：行了！血够了，赶紧用药布，把耳朵捂住，（甲接过药布捂住了耳朵嘴里还不住地说）
甲：什么血够了，我看都多了！
乙：现在你跪到床上去双手支撑，头冲西。看完血粘稠度，我再过去给你检测第二项。
甲：（慢慢走到床边自语道：）我耳朵这个疼，什么冲东，冲西的。真不是个东西！
乙：（过了一会，乙摸索着来到了床前，摸着甲的屁股说道）抬起点！（甲把臀部向上抬了抬）这老头带这么大一个口罩干嘛呀，脸也够大的了！把口罩拿下来！
甲：口罩？我没带口罩哇，大夫你搞错了！那是我屁股，脑袋在这边哪！
乙：你看你，我不告诉你头冲西吗，你怎么把屁股冲西啦！（乙摸到甲的头部，按了几下甲的颈椎，对甲说）你现在说，啊！
甲：（甲用颤抖的声音说）啊！
乙：（乙狠狠的说了一句）太严重了！
甲：（甲问大夫道）大夫，风湿病好像不是这么检查吧？
乙：听我的没错！下来吧。
甲：（甲从床上慢慢下来嘴里说道）还没错呢，脸和屁股都分不清！
乙：到这来，我给你把把脉。把左手伸过来！
甲：大夫，我左手不行。
乙：我说行就行，就要左手。你没听说过男左女右吗！（甲，没办法伸出了左胳膊，乙，一边号脉一边问道）你风湿多少年了？
甲：哎呀，我这风湿病可有年头了！很小的时候我母亲就说我有风湿病，刮风下雨我这腿疼的厉害呀！年龄越大这病就越严重了！
乙：哦，行了，通过刚才的检查，再通过我对你的把脉，我已经了解了你的病情啦！
甲：那我诊断究竟是啥病啊？
乙：凭我多年经验，以及你得病时间的长短，我可以断定你得的是典型的，“先天性产后风湿”！
甲：啊！那你从我的脉络上看呢？
乙：你的脉络很不平稳，赶紧服用《追命还魂丹》吧！保证你不会再疼了！
甲：那要是还疼呢？
乙：那你就继续吃，保证！总有一天疼痛会慢慢消失！
甲：我明白了，你是说死了就不疼了！
乙：这是什么话！
甲：大夫，你真不愧神医，我太佩服你了，刚才你给我把脉的胳膊是假肢！（甲转身往外走，嘴里不住的说）王八蛋里能提炼出什么好东西！我看你和你的药品都一样，都是从王八蛋里提炼出来的！
乙：老同志！我还没说完呢。。。。。。！

老同学（搞笑校园短剧）
演员：小石头 老干巴 大杂面 小丹

小丹：这不嘛，大学毕业十来年，当年的同学见面都难，有的有钱有的没钱，穷的不把富来奔，富的与穷家也无言。同学情感可不能白费，所以我们今天啊开个同学会，只为交流情感，不在乎喝不喝醉，呵呵。（收拾屋子）
大杂面：小丹呐，你咋还忙活呢，快做饭吧，老同学都快来了。哎，我还得告诉你几句：今天时间也不晚了，记住今天聚会赵卫锋是重点，他现在是辛氏企业的经理，百分百一个大款。咱今天要是把他整高兴了，那咱们就抱住那金饭碗了，哈哈哈哈！
小丹：你怎么那么见钱眼开呢？难道同学之间也要讲钱？
大杂面：小丹你咋这么不懂事呢，同学同学，同样是学生但不一样学习。当年学习不努力，他穷了也不能和咱们生气啊，当年刻苦学习的，他有钱也证明是自己努力。你好比当年的辛井水吧，倒是挺能折腾的，活动参加不少，就是不努力学习，听说毕业就失业了，现在在家种地，你说这是何必。
小丹：人家辛井水怎么也是同学啊，你可不能厚此薄彼啊。
大杂面：啊，对啊，你曾经还和辛井水谈过一段恋爱，怪不得你一直在为他说话呢。你们可别当着我的面情情爱爱，别怪我翻脸让他歇菜！
小丹：你！哼！（生气的下）（大杂面坐下看报纸）
小石头：（接电话）外！我是赵卫锋，哎呀，辛总啊，对来大杂面家开同学会，您放心吧，我一定会把这事办的清清楚楚，明明白白的，好好，再见！
（敲门）开门！
大杂面：来了，你好你是？
小石头：我是赵卫锋！
大杂面：卫锋，哎呀！（拥抱）我想死你了，咱们十年没有见面了吧，我都想四你了！怎么样您母亲还好吗？
小石头：还好！
大杂面：您父亲还好吧？
小石头：还好！
大杂面：您家里都好吧？
小石头：还好！
（小丹出来）
小丹：哎呀！小石头啊！
小石头：恩？你是？
大杂面：小石头？哎？这位是赵卫锋赵经理，你怎么能……
小丹：啊，原来是赵经理啊，那你们坐下聊啊！
（赵卫锋手机响，接电话）
小石头：外，辛总啊！什么？好，我马上过去！
老同学，我公司有点事情我得马上过去，好吗？咱们有机会再聚！
（赵卫锋下）
大杂面：完了，完了，他走了，这同学会还开啥了？饺子包了，来人就喝茶吧！
（老干巴上，敲门）
小丹：谁啊？
老干巴：我！
小丹：老干巴？
老干巴：小丹？诶呀吗呀
小丹：诶呀！
大杂面：小丹谁啊？
小丹：老干巴快进来！军言，你看谁来了
大杂面：啊，送煤气罐的吧，放里边吧！
小丹：他好似咱们的老同学老干巴啊
大杂面：老干巴？哪个老干巴啊
老干巴：不认识我了？大杂面？你忘了我，我可记得你呀！
大杂面：我叫张军言不叫大杂面，（不屑的）里面坐吧。
小丹：（拉住老干巴的手）老干巴，现在干啥呢，可挺长时间没有看见你了啊。
老干巴：啊，我那什么……
大杂面：咳！小丹，你去烧点开水去！
老干巴：大杂面！不张军言，你现在干啥啊？
大杂面：呀，也没干啥！就搞几个小项目呗！
老干巴：啥项目啊？
大杂面：啊，没啥，也就是给北极星供暖，把太平洋变浅，克隆一个北朝鲜，再把黑洞填满。
老干巴：诶呀！那你还挺忙啊！
大杂面：呵呵，一般！老同学，那你忙写啥啊都？
老干巴：我跟你比起来差远了，成天净鼓动农作物了。
大杂面：（骄傲的）那也行，一年也能对付个一两千！
老干巴：哪能啊，一年也就八九百——万！
大杂面：啊，八九百？万？不是我说你老干巴，你跟我你吹啥啊？啊，咱们当年都农村出来的，谁不知道一年挣多少啊，啊？你有啥困难到我这你装啥啊，我也不是不能帮你。我这现在家业好几十万，光自行车我就好几个。等会你把那个89年的推走吧，没事别老走着多累，骑去呗！
老干巴：恩，我没走着！
大杂面：骑倒骑驴啊？那玩意更累疼，还不如自行车呢！
老干巴：不是……
（小丹上）
小丹：你们唠啥呢？来喝水！
大杂面：小丹，把咱们家那些破衣服啥的给老干巴拿走点，买衣服太贵了。
小丹：哎！
（小丹拿出一件衣服）
大杂面：你拿那不我的衣服吗？
小丹：那你不说给老干巴吗？
大杂面：我说你塞暖气空子里那几件！
小丹：那还能穿吗？
大杂面：老干巴他还能嫌咱们呐？
老干巴：没事，老同学嘛，永远都是老同学！
小丹：老干巴，还没有吃饭吧？
大杂面：啧！人家老干巴还能不吃饭？再说咱家菜油太大，老干巴能吃惯吗？回头再拉肚子可咋整。给老干巴包几个馒头拿走，人家老干巴没准还有急事呢！
小丹：张军言，你是不是有点过分了？
老干巴：那什么，没事，小丹，军言你们忙着啊，我先走了！
（赵卫锋敲门）
大杂面：这又是谁啊？这个闹停！
（开门）
大杂面：诶呀！卫锋！诶呀，你可想死我了，太好了，小丹快炒菜，今天别走了啊，就在这住！
小石头：不的了，我们懂事长在这吧？
大杂面：懂事长？没有啊！
老干巴：（过来）小石头，事情办妥了？
小石头：辛哥，办妥了，外商直接就拨款2000万！
老干巴：好，咱们走吧！
大杂面：辛哥！诶呀，我想死你了！太好了，小丹快去买海鲜，辛哥，今天别走了，我给你定酒店！诶呀，快给辛哥泡龙井啊，这破衣服你又翻出来干啥呀？辛哥，快坐下！
老干巴：军言……
大杂面：辛哥你还是叫我大杂面亲切！
老干巴：你还记得自己曾经叫大杂面？你记得你这个名字怎么来的吗？
大杂面：当然记得，小的时候家里穷，我每天都带一个玉米面上学，同学们都叫我大杂面，但是没有一个人瞧不起我，他们都来帮助我！
老干巴：那时候我每天都带一个糖馒头上学，每次都用馒头换你的杂面吃。不是我爱吃杂面，而是我想让你知道，世界上除了钱之外，还有情感存在！军言，对辛懂事长你就可以请海鲜，住酒店，对老干巴你就连多呆一会你都不愿意吗？老同学老同学，就算我们再有钱，也不能忘记了曾经的老同学啊！
大杂面：老干巴！呜——
（音乐响起）
~~~

Old classmates (art campus drama)
Cast: small stone on the old Dan Zamian big Thelephora ganbajun Zang

Xiao-Dan: This is not just after graduating from university 10 years, was difficult to meet students, and some money some money and the poor to the rich not to Ben, rich and poor families also speechless. Emotional students can not wasted, so we ah open a classmate, only for the exchange of emotion, do not care to drink do not get drunk, huh. (Packing house)
Big Zamian: small Dan diploma, you also spent yesterday, it quickly cooking it, the old classmates come. Hey, I must tell you a few words: This time is not too late to remember gather today Wei-feng is the key, he is now the manager of Hsin Enterprise, a wealthy 100%. Our whole today if he was happy, then Let's cling on the golden rice bowl, You You!
Xiao-Dan: So how do you money eyes? Do students have also say money?
Big Zamian: small Dan night so you do not know anything, the students students, but students are not the same as learning. Then learning sleep, he can not and the poor Let angry ah, that assiduous study, he also proved to be money of their own. You like it then Xin Well, it is quite able to disruption, and to participate in many activities that sleep study, we heard that graduate unemployment, now at the land, you say this is why.
Xiao-Dan: Well how are people Xin students ah, ah, you can be partial.
Big Zamian: ah, ah, you have also talked about a period of well water and Xin love, no wonder you have been in it for him to speak. You can not face the situation in front of my love love, I decide to let him Bieguai Xiecai!
Xiao-Dan: You! Sing! (Angry the next) (sit down and look at the newspapers Zamian)
Small stones: (phone),! I Zhao Feng, wow, Xin total ah, home to a large Zamian students, you rest assured it, I will definitely do this clearly, out-and-out, well, good-bye!
(Knock on the door) open the door!
Big Zamian: come here, you Hello, yes?
Small stone: I was visiting front!
Big Zamian: Wei-feng, wow! (Hug) I think you die, Let's not 10 years to meet the bar, I want to 4 you! How kind your mother also okay?
Small stone: okay!
Big Zamian: Your father also OK?
Small stone: okay!
Big Zamian: Your home is OK?
Small stone: okay!
(Dan small out)
Xiao-Dan: Ah! Small stone ah!
Small stone: TU? You yes?
Zamian large: small stone? Hey? This is Wei-feng Diaojingli, how can you……
Xiao-Dan: ah, it was Diaojingli ah, then you sit down and chat about ah!
(Wei-feng cellphone, the phone)
Small stone:, Xin total ah! What? , And I immediately past!
Old classmates, some things my company I immediately past, okay? We both have the opportunity to Zaiju!
(Wei-feng under)
Big Zamian: finished, finished, gone, it will also open啥students? Dumplings package,来人on tea!
(Thelephora ganbajun Zang old, the knock on the door)
Xiao-Dan: Shuie?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: I!
Xiao-Dan: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: small Dan? Ah ah long period of time?
Xiao-Dan: long period of time!
Big Zamian: Dan Shui A small?
Xiao-Dan: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang coming fast! Army statement, you see who is going to the
Big Zamian: ah, it sent the gas tank, put inside!
Xiao-Dan: We both like his old classmates old ah Thelephora ganbajun Zang
Big Zamian: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang? Which old ah Thelephora ganbajun Zang
Thelephora ganbajun Zang old: I do not know? Zamian big? You forgot me, and I recalled you!
Big Zamian: My name is Zhang statement is not big Zamian, (disdain) sitting inside it.
Xiao-Dan: (attraction to the old hands Thelephora ganbajun Zang) Thelephora ganbajun Zang old now abide by relevant regulations, it could be quite a long time no see you ah.
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: ah, that what I……
Big Zamian: cough! Xiao-Dan, you point to burn to the water!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: Large Zamian! Zhang Jun and not words, you abide by relevant regulations ah?
Big Zamian: ah, did not abide by relevant regulations! To engage in a few small projects hymns!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang:啥project ah?
Big Zamian: ah,没啥, that is, to Polaris heating, the Pacific shallow, a North Korean cloning, and then fill the black hole.
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: long period of time! Futingmanga you!
Big Zamian: Oh, General! Old classmates, then you are busy writing Shae?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: I tell you far worse than up, Narita net instigated the crops.
Big Zamian: (pride) that also, a year can deal with a 2000!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: How could ah, it Bajiubai year - 10,000!
Big Zamian: ah, Bajiubai? 10,000? Nilao Thelephora ganbajun Zang is not what I said, you told me you blow Shae? Ah, let out that all rural areas, who do not know how many ah-earning year, ah? You wield difficult to me with Shae you, I can not help you. I am now possessions hundreds of thousands, light bike, I like a few. , And so will you put that 89 Selection走吧, nothing more than another tired old walk, ride to hymns!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: TU, I did not walk!
Big Zamian: riding inverted Qilv ah? Nawanyi pain more tired than a bike?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: No……
(On the small Dan)
Xiao-Dan: Do you these chats about normal, Shane? To drink!
Big Zamian: small Dan, Let's break those clothes home to the old啥Thelephora ganbajun Zang away, too expensive to buy clothes.
Xiao-Dan: hey!
(Dan show a small clothing)
Zamian large: that you do not take my clothes?
Xiao-Dan: Then you do not say that to the old Thelephora ganbajun Zang?
Big Zamian: I said you Cypriot Heating empty yard that few!
Xiao-Dan: It can wear?
Big Zamian: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang He also suspected Let diploma?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: nothing, just old classmates, old classmates are forever!
Xiao-Dan: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang, no dinner?
Big Zamian: Ze! Thelephora ganbajun Zang old people can not eat? Say too much anymore vegetable oil, used to eat Thelephora ganbajun Zang old? Zezheng diarrhea can be back again. To the old-Thelephora ganbajun Zang took several steamed bread, old people Thelephora ganbajun Zang chances are emergencies?
Xiao-Dan: Zhang Yan, you are not a bit too much?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: What then, nothing, small Dan, the military statement you busy ah, I am ahead!
(Wei-feng knocked at the door)
Zamian large: This is Shuie? This闹Stop!
(Open)
Zamian large: long period of time! Wei-feng! Ah long period of time, you can die, I would like to, very good, small cooking Dan fast today Biezou the ah, in this live!
Small stone: not at all, we Dongshichang in this?
Big Zamian: Dongshichang? No ah!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: (from) small stone, things get?
Small stone: Xinge, complete, direct foreign funding to 20 million!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: Well, let走吧!
Big Zamian: Xinge!诶ah, I wanted to die you! Very good, small buy seafood Dan fast, Xinge, Biezou today, I will give you the hotel!诶ah, soon to Xinge bubble Longjing ah, broken up by the clothes you abide by relevant regulations ah? Xinge, sit down fast!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: Army statement……
Big Zamian: Xinge you still ask me to the Zamian cordial!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: Do you still remember their own once told the Zamian? You remember how your name to?
Big Zamian: Of course remember, when the small home poorer, every day I go to school with a cornmeal, students都叫I Zamian big, but no one look down on me that they came to help me!
Thelephora ganbajun Zang old: every day when I take a sugar buns to school, every time you change the Zamian steamed bread to eat. Zamian is not my favorite, but I want you to know that the world apart from the money, there are emotional existence! Army statement on the symplectic Dongshichang you can please seafood, live hotels, the old Thelephora ganbajun Zang you will be an even多呆you do not want to? Your old classmate old classmates, even if we have money again, we can not forget the old students, who ah!
Big Zamian: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang! Ming --

http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/48351029.html

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旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II

http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/48351029.html

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