求一篇英语笑话，要求简单的容易背下来，两个人（男的）对话形式，两人背诵6分钟左右完成.

求一篇英语笑话，要求简单的容易背下来，两个人（男的）对话形式，两人背诵6分钟左右完成。快点回答！~

我们分享一切

An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries.一对老夫妇在汉堡王餐厅吃饭，他们小心翼翼地将汉堡和薯条分成两份。
A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.一个卡车司机非常同情他们，就提议想给老太太单独点一份。
"It's all right," says the husband. "We share everything." “没关系的。”老先生说，“我们分享一切。”
A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite.几分钟后，卡车司机注意到老太太还没动口吃一点东西。
"I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he insists.他再次对老先生说，“我真的不介意请您妻子吃一顿……”
"She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything." “她会吃的，”老先生向他保证，“我们分享一切。”
Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?"司机不太相信，恳求老太太，“你为什么不吃一点？”
The wife snaps, "Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"老太太咂咂嘴，“我在等他的假牙。”
【注释】
1. take pity on 怜悯，同情，例：take pity on the weak 怜惜弱者
2. 一起来学习一下convince这个词：
a. 使相信，使确信
convince sb. of sth. 例：The officials were eager to convince us of the safety of the nuclear reactors. 官员们急切想要让我们相信核反应堆是安全的。
b. 说服（某人做某事）= persuade
convince sb. to do sth. 例：I've been trying to convince Jean to come with me. 我一直在尝试说服Jean和我一起去。


The Preacher Buys a Parrot


传教士买鹦鹉

A preacher is buying a parrot.

一个传教士在买鹦鹉。

"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

“你确信它不会尖叫，大叫或诅咒别人吗？”传教士问。

"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

“噢，绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。”店主向他保证。

"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

“你看见它腿上的那些细绳了吗？当你拉动右边这根，它会背诵天主经；当你拉动左边那根，它会背诵赞美诗。”

"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

“太棒了！”传教士说，“但是如果我同时拉动两根绳子，会发生什么呢？”

"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

“我会从树干上掉下去，你这个笨蛋！”鹦鹉尖声说道。

这个笑话中出现了三个含有“大喊”、“大叫”意思的词语：scream，yell 和 screech。
scream 指“因痛苦、恐惧、惊奇、快乐等而发出尖叫声”，如：
She screamed when she saw the child fall. 当她看见那个孩子跌倒时，她尖声叫了起来。
yell 多指求援、鼓励时的呼叫，也可指因外界因素刺激而发出尖厉声音。如：
yell the team to victory 用喊声鼓励运动队取胜
screech 指“发出尖锐刺耳的声音”，如：
The car screeched to a halt. 车子发出尖嘎声停了下来。

1、How much English can you speak?
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
中文翻译
"法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他只会说几个英语单词。"
法官看了看被告，问道："你会说多少英文？"
被告抬起头，说："把你的钱包给我！"
2
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
He said, "What?"
丈夫给妻子看了一项调查结果，为了向她证明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000个字，而女人每天使用30000个。
妻子想了一会儿说，女人每天说的字数是男人的两倍，因为她们必须重复已经说过的话。
他问："什么？"

A：好无聊啊～我给你讲笑话吧！
A: good boring ah ~ I tell you a joke!
Q：好啊。
Q: yes.
A：从前有一只小绵羊，有一天他出去玩，结果碰上了大灰狼。大灰狼说：“我要吃掉你！”你猜最后怎么了？
A: Once upon a time there was a small sheep, one day he went out to play, the results met the wolf. The wolf said: " I want to eat you! " You guess what?
Q:恩？怎么啦？
Q: well? What's going on?
A：结果大灰狼把小绵羊吃了呗！
A: results of the wolf took the little sheep to eat it!
Q：俄……
Q: russia ... ...
A:呵呵。接着讲。有一只公鹿，他走着走着，越走越快，最后他变成了高速公路（公鹿）。哈哈．．．
A: oh. Then tell. A deer, he walked, walked faster and faster, he finally became a freeway ( male deer ). Ha-ha.
Q无语（心里那个寒阿...）
Q speechless ( mind the cold ... )
A：嘿嘿。有两个香蕉一前一后走在大街上，前面那个突然说：“好热阿！偶要把外套脱掉！”然后后面那个香蕉就摔倒了。
A: hey. There are two bananas, one before and one after walking in the street, in front of that suddenly said: " a good heat! Threw off his coat! " Then the banana fell behind.
Q：呵呵...（接着寒．．．）
Q: Oh... ( then cold... )
A：你猜一下，一只兔子和一只跑得很快的乌龟赛跑，最后谁赢了？
Q：兔子吧。
A: you guess, a hare and a fast race the tortoise, who won at last?
Q: bunny.
A：错！是乌龟啦！
A: wrong! Is the tortoise!
Q：为什么？
Q: why?
A：前面不是说那是一只跑得很快的乌龟嘛，他跑得很快很快拉~
A: front than saying that it is a fast turtle, he ran very fast pull ~
Q打了一个喷嚏（寒...）
Q a sneeze ( cold... )
A：那兔子不甘心，又和一只戴了眼镜的乌龟比赛跑步，你说这回谁赢了？
A: the rabbit can not be reconciled, and a wearing glasses tortoise game running, you said this time who won?
Q：这回应该是兔子了吧？
Q: This is a rabbit?
A：又错啦！还是乌龟！
A: wrong again! Or the tortoise!
Q：嗯？为什么？
Q: well? Why?
A：那只乌龟把墨镜一摘，耶，还是那只跑得很快很快的乌龟阿！
A: the turtle pulled sunglasses a pick, yeah, or that only ran very fast very quick tortoise a!
Q:天啊！！！（脸已僵住...接着寒...）
Q: days!!! ( face has catalepsy ... Then cold... )
A：接着讲哦。一个男人不小心把他刚开的工资弄丢了，回家后，她妻子火冒三丈，骂了他将近一个钟头呢。终于，她妻子停止骂他了，问他：“要是你连续三天看不到我，你有何感想？”那男人脱口而出：“感觉会很好的。” 结果呢，第一天他没看到他的妻子。第二、三天也没看到他的妻子。终于在第四天，肿消了些，他能勉强在左眼角看到他妻子一点点了。哈哈哈，是不是很好笑阿？哈哈哈哈……
A: then say oh. A man accidentally put him just wages lost, after coming home, her wife fly into a rage, scolded him for nearly an hour. Finally, her wife to stop scolding him, ask him: "if the three day in a row you can not see me, what about you? " The man escape one's lips: " the feeling will be very good. " As a result, the first day he didn't see his wife. Second, three days did not see his wife. Finally on the fourth day, the swelling has gone down, he can barely in the left corner to see his wife a little. Ha ha ha, is it right? Funny? Ha ha ha ha ... ...
Q：＠＃＆＊￥％……
Q: @ $ % & * ... ...
A:呵呵。从前有一只鸟，它每天都会经过一片玉米地，可是有一天，那片玉米地发生了火灾，玉米全都变成了爆米花。当那只小鸟飞过去的时候，以为下雪了，结果就冻死了。多可笑阿。哈哈。
A: oh. Once upon a time there was a bird, it can pass through a cornfield, but one day, the cornfield fires all became popcorn, corn. When the bird flew past, that the snow, the freezing to death. Funny a. Ha-ha.
Q：嗯...（开始流鼻涕...）
Q: Well... ( runny nose ... )
A：嗯？你感冒了？回家吃药阿！
A: well? You have a cold? Taking a home!
Q：好。（其实是想说只要你闭嘴我就没事了...）
Q: good. ( in fact, is to say as long as you shut up. I'll be fine ... )
A：其实前面那几个还不算太好笑阿，我前两天在书上看了一个笑话，很好笑的，要不要听啊？
A: actually in front of that is not funny, I two days before the book saw a jokes, funny, like to listen to?
Q：不用了吧，呵呵，那几个已经很好笑了，呵呵．．．（怕被冻死...）
Q: you say, oh, that was funny, huh... (fear of being killed ... )
A：哎呀，没关系的，我讲喽！有一回，土豆和年糕打架，土豆很生气，一脚就把年糕踢到海里了。
A: Oh, never mind, I said! Once new year cake, potato and potato fight, very angry, he took the New Year cake kicked into the sea.
Q：哦...然后呢？
Q: Oh... Then?
A：讲完了阿，下面讲第二个。
A: finished a, the second.
Q（欲哭无泪啊...）
Q ( no more tears to cry ... )
A：从前有一对恋人，在他们决定结婚的时候，那男生需要服兵役。他们便到了海边，说好三年后的这一天在海边相见，男孩并给了女孩一枚戒指作为婚戒。可是，三年过去了，那女孩并没有等到男孩，她很伤心，便把戒指丢进了大海里。其实是女孩误解了约会地点，男孩一直在等她。可是就这样错过了，成为了遗憾。男孩也很伤心，便决定住在海边等女孩。有一天他出去打鱼，你猜他打到了什么？ .
A: once there was a lover, in their decision to get married when, the boy to military service. They went to the seaside, that three years after the a day at the beach boys meet, and gave the girl a ring as a wedding ring. However, three years later, the girl did not wait for the boy, she is very sad, he drops the ring into the sea. Is the girl misunderstood dating sites, the boy has been waiting for her. But just missed, became a regret. The boy was sad, and decided to live near the sea, girl. One day he went out fishing, you guess he hit? .
Q：戒指吗？
Q: ring?
A：不是拉！是年糕阿！哈哈哈哈哈......
A : no! Is a new year cake! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ... ...
Q：真冷啊...
Q: it's really cold ...
A：还是那对恋人。有一天男孩听说女孩要结婚了，十分伤心，便把自己那枚婚戒也丢进了海里。几天后，他打了一条鱼吃。刚夹了一口鱼，便咬到一个很硬的东西，吐出来一看，你猜他看到了什么
A: or the lovers. One day the boy heard a girl to get married, very sad, took his ring lost into the sea. A few days later, he hit a fish to eat. Just clip a mouth of the fish, he bit into a very hard thing, spit out, guess what he saw
Q:戒指吗？
Q: ring?
A：不是！
A: no!
Q：年糕吗？
Q: New Year cake?
A:哈，怎么会是年糕呢。
A: ha, how will be the New Year cake.
Q：那是什么？
Q: what is it?
A：鱼骨头呗！ 终于Q挺不住了，感冒了一个多礼拜...
A: fish bones! Finally Q hold, cold for more than a week ...

TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?
John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.
老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？
约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。

I'm Trying to Stop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”
“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”
“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”
“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”
“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”
“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
“20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”
“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”
TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?
John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.
老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？
约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。

“Mom, I don't need extraction,I have no cavities。”
“妈妈，我不需要拔牙，我没有蛀牙。”
“Impossible, you every night at least ten candies to eat！”
“ 不可能，你每天晚上至少要吃掉10颗糖！”
“AH。”
“啊”
“Your mouth tooth was pulled out!"
"你嘴里的牙全被拔了!"

---

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