谁帮我编一个用英语说的搞笑小品

英语和汉语混合说的搞笑小品~

刚才在浴池洗澡，突然一块香皂掉在脚下。
我下意识的扭头，看到一个大爷呲着牙笑着看我，还好我反应及时，淡定的一脚把香皂踹到下水道。
大爷一把拉住我：这是我的香皂！

　　12分钟好象有点长，我这里有我参加“星星火炬英语风采大赛”的剧本。参考一下额
　　Time ancient times. Character Mister Dongguo, wolf, hunter, old
　　apricot tree, Lao Niu, old farmer." In wilderness the mist and dust is
　　billowing, shouts the acoustic shock day. In shouted that, " fight wolves!pursues (a wolf belt arrow wound to go on stage)
　　wolf: I originally am
　　come from the north wolf, but in today the arrow was injured (wolf
　　lamely to run) [ Mister Dongguo to carry on the book pouch, on the one
　　hand walks on the other hand self-effacingly recites poetry.)
　　Guo: From a pot of wine among the flowers
　　I drank alone. There was no one with me --
　　Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
　　To bring me my shadow and make us three.

　　(Between the flower a pot liquor, drinks alone without the intimate.
　　Raises glass invites the bright moonlight, becomes three people to the
　　shade) (suddenly to discover on road crowd of ants, heart of the
　　mercy, has lifted a foot does not endure to lay down)
　　Guo: (Reads)
　　walks not injuries the cricket 蚁命 manner to have to have the mercy
　　heart (cautiously to bypass ant, after continues to lead the way)
　　(field shout big quake)
　　Guo: What happened next? The United States
　　military has joined battle with Iraq? (Wolf runs has come up) the
　　wolf: The adult saves a life, behind had a hunter to have to peel my
　　skin, rescued me!
　　Guo: Good good, is the person to want to be sincere
　　(was saying behind, dismounts the package, all but actually came out
　　the inside book)
　　Guo: You first hide in this package (wolf lamely
　　sneak in package) (Mister Dongguo to carry book pouch, continues to
　　walk) (on hunter) the hunter asks
　　Guo: Ask scholar's, has seen the
　　wolf which was injured to pass a moment ago?
　　Guo: Not.
　　Hunter: Thanks
　　gentleman. After (under hunter) (waits hunter to walk far, Mister
　　Dongguo put wolf from book pouch has gotten down)

　　Guo: The hunter walked, you in a big hurry escape the
　　wolf: Is
　　not I does not want to walk, I really am tired hungry
　　Guo: What then
　　you do want to eat?
　　Wolf: I must eat your meat! ! (Reveals fierce and antagonistic
　　expression)
　　Guo: Why then you do want to eat me? I have graciousness
　　and you

　　Wolf: Because you me stuffily in book pouch too long
　　Guo:
　　Really is the good intention not good newspaper. Is not good, I must
　　go ask the person to figure out! (Said, brings wolf to go) (to walk to
　　an old tree under)
　　Guo: Sets up eldest sister, I rescued the wolf, the
　　wolf have actually had to eat me. You to me comment this principle!
　　Tree: Should eat! (Wolf self-satisfied has smiled) the tree: Your
　　humanity endlessly cutted the piece of trees, continually our these old trees do
　　not let off, burns us with the fire. Why can't the wolf eat you? Ate
　　you to be able few individual to damage the nature (under old tree,
　　wolf slowly approached Mister Dongguo) (by now on cow)
　　Guo: Holds on a minute, lets me ask Niu eldest brother Guo: Eldest
　　brother Niu, my good intention has rescued this wolf, now it actually
　　must eat me. Should you said? Cow: This! Our Lao Niu gives birth to
　　must do this for your humanity to do that, drinks or our milk. But we
　　only eat the worst fodder every day, rest the worst cowshed, you also
　　had to dig up our cowhide to make money. The old wolf should eat you.
　　Wolf: (Sneers). Looked you also have any flattery (under cow) (on
　　farmer) Guo: And so on one and so on, the distant place has come an
　　old farmer. Asks him to figure out, if he said you should eat me, I
　　have complied with. Wolf: Good, I give you last the opportunity. Guo:
　　The old uncle, I has rescued this wolf, it actually ungratefully must
　　eat me. You said this makes sense? The farmer asks the wolf: Why did
　　you want to eat your savior? Wolf: He too has been stuffily long me in
　　the book pouch, almost suffocates me (farmer to take up book pouch,
　　about about looks at) the farmer: Was this book pouch such small, how
　　many installs the book all not to be able to install, how installed
　　under you? Or you demonstrate to me have a look? Wolf: The
　　demonstration (said on the demonstration, earth-boring auger has
　　leisurely gone in) the farmer to settle on the time, grips tightly the
　　book pouch mouth, ties up with the string. The wolf on is stranded in
　　the inside farmer: Silly scholar, the wild animal eventually is a wild
　　animal, could not change natural disposition. Is the person surely not
　　to be able to be excessively benevolent! Guo: (Nod name is) indeed
　　indeed, declines office due to old age the uncle to teach the farmer:
　　Then the present, we "solved" it (say. Two people treat the book pouch
　　to pummel, the farmer also uses the hoe to pound the wolf. The wolf
　　sends out the sorrowful bugle call in inside, one could not not then
　　have the sound of something astir) (farmer and Mister Dongguo shook
　　hand, separates from each other)

　　The curtain falls, all actor goes on stage.
　　时间 古代。
　　人物 东郭先生、狼 、猎人、老杏树，老牛、老农。”
　　荒野中烟尘滚滚，喊声震天。
　　内喊：“打狼啊，追啊
　　（一狼带箭伤上场，）
　　狼：我本是一只来自北方的狼，无奈今天中箭受了伤
　　（狼一瘸一拐跑下）
　　〔东郭先生背着书囊上，边走边摇头晃脑地念诗。）
　　郭： From a pot of wine among the flowers
　　I drank alone. There was no one with me --
　　Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
　　To bring me my shadow and make us three.
　　（花间一壶酒，独酌无相亲。举杯邀明月，对影成三人）
　　（忽然发现路上一群蚂蚁，顿起慈悲之心，已举起的一只脚不忍放下）
　　郭： （念）走路莫伤蝼蚁命
　　为人要有慈悲心
　　（小心翼翼地绕过蚂蚁，继续前行）
　　（后场喊声大震，）
　　郭：又发生了什么事？美军又与伊拉克交战了吗？
　　（狼跑过上来）
　　狼：大人救命，后面有个猎人要剥了我的皮，救救我吧！
　　郭：好吧好吧，做人要厚道
　　（说着，卸下背后的包，把里面的书都倒了出来）
　　郭：你先躲在这个包里吧
　　（狼一瘸一拐地钻进包里）
　　（东郭先生背着书囊，继续走）
　　（猎人上，）
　　猎人问郭： 请问秀才，刚才看见一只受伤的狼过去了吗？
　　郭：没有啊。
　　猎人：谢谢先生。
　　（猎人下）
　　（待猎人走远后，东郭先生把狼从书囊里放了下来）

　　郭：猎人已走，你快快逃命去吧
　　狼：不是我不想走，我实在是又累又饿
　　郭：那你要吃什么？
　　狼：我要吃你的肉！！（露出凶狠表情）
　　郭：那你为何要吃我？我有恩与你

　　狼：因为你把我闷在书囊里太久了
　　郭：真是好心没好报。不行，我要去找人评理！
　　（说完，带着狼向前去）
　　（走到一棵老树下）郭：树大姐，我救了狼，狼却要吃我。你给我评评这个理！
　　树：该吃！
　　（狼得意的笑了）
　　树：你们人类无休止地乱砍乱伐，连我们这些老树也不放过，用火来烧我们。狼为什么不能吃你呢？吃了你就能少个人来祸害大自然了
　　（老树下，狼慢慢逼近东郭先生）
　　（这时牛上了）
　　郭： 且慢，让我去问问牛大哥
　　郭：牛大哥，我好心救了这只狼，现在它却要吃我。你说该不该？
　　牛：该！我们老牛生下来就要为你们人类干这干那，喝的还是我们的奶。可我们每天只吃最差的草料、睡最差的牛棚，你们还要扒了我们的牛皮去赚钱。老狼该吃你。
　　狼：（冷笑）。看你还有什么好说的
　　（牛下）（农夫上）
　　郭：等一等，远处来了一位老农夫。找他评理，要是他说你该吃了我，我就遵从。
　　狼：好，我就给你最后一次机会。
　　郭：老伯，我救了这只狼，它却忘恩负义地要吃我。你说这有道理吗？
　　农夫问狼：你为何要吃了你的救命恩人？
　　狼：他把我闷在书囊里太久了，差点闷死我
　　（农夫拿起书囊，上下左右看了看）
　　农夫：这书囊这么小，装书都装不了多少，怎么装的下你？要不你示范给我看看？
　　狼：示范就示范
　　（说完，慢慢悠悠地钻了进去）
　　农夫看准时间，把书囊口扎紧，用绳子绑好。狼就被困在里面了
　　农夫：傻秀才啊，野兽终究是野兽，改不了本性的。做人千万不能过分仁慈！
　　郭：（点头称是）的确的确，多谢老伯教诲
　　农夫：那么现在，我们就把它“解决了吧”
　　（说罢。两人对着书囊拳打脚踢，农夫还用锄头砸狼。狼在里面发出哀号声，不一会便没了动静）
　　（农夫与东郭先生握了握手，分道扬镳）

　　幕落，全体演员上场。
　　剧本是我自己写的，希望给你帮上忙啊

1.喜欢学英语的小明，不分日夜都在找说英语的机会。　　这天，他不小心走路撞到一个外国人，他不好意思的说：「I am sorry.」　　「I am sorry,too.」外国人回答。　　「I am sorry three.」小明马上回道。　　「What are you sorry for？」外国人问。　　「I am sorry five…」小明说。　　2.一中文老师与一英语老师时常发生矛盾，所以经常互相找机会挖苦对方。　　一天，仇家想撞，两人话不投机，对骂起来，语文老师拿出一张纸条，叫英语老师读。　　上面曰：“暗室达春朱，池数做河裳”。英语老师不禁一读，读到一半才明白上当。英语老师暗想；你说我是大蠢牛，吃素做和尚。看我不捉你。正好闻倒一阵响声于是不动生色，也拿出一张纸条，让语文老师读，待读到一半，不禁脸红，得意之心，一下没有了。　　只见上面写者：peace war found(屁是我放的）。　　3. 某初一学生英语课本上发现如下恐怖字眼:　　爸死bus mouse妈死 爷死yes　　哥死girls 妹死Mis goose姑死　　big病故 juice舅死 死光school　　4.　　陕西人在纽约唐人街开了家餐馆，儿子当服务生，老妈管收钱，老爸做大厨。　　某一天，店里来了个老外，点了个套餐，吃到一半， " 咣当 " ，把汤碗打了。　　儿子跑过去看了一下，说： " 碗打了！ "　　老外想： " one dollar,... ..."　　老妈听见声音，也过来看，见地上有个破碗，问： " 谁打的？ "　　老外想： " three dollar?... ..."　　儿子说： " 他打的！ "　　老外想： " ten dollar?! ... ..."　　老妈又说： " 还得打一碗！ "　　老外想： " hundred and one?!?! ... ..."　　老爸正在厨房切菜，听见外面的声音，赶忙跑出来看怎么回事。忙乱中，忘了把菜刀放下。　　五大三粗的老爸，手持菜刀站在餐厅里，老外一看，心跳加速，血压急升，但更让他心碎加崩溃的是老爸的一番话。　　老爸对着正在加热炉上舀汤的儿子说： " 烫，少盛点儿！ "　　老外： " ten thousand?!!

左豆腐乳地一

请采纳我的问题

　1、一个女生前一天晚上得到男朋友的订婚戒指，但竟没有一个同学注意到，令她忿忿不平。到下午大家坐着谈天的时候，她突然站起来大声说：“哎呀，这里真热呀，我看我还是把戒指脱下来吧。”　　　　2、女主人把女佣叫到面前问她：“你是否怀孕了？”　　　　“是啊！”女佣回道。　　　　“亏你还说得出口，你还没有结婚，难道不觉得害羞吗？”女主人再次训。　　　　“我为什么要害羞，女主人你自己不也怀孕了吗？”　　　　“可是我怀的是我丈夫的！”女主人生气地反驳。　　　　“我也是啊！”女佣高兴地附和。　　　　3、一个人骑摩托车喜欢反穿衣服，就是把口子在后面扣上，可以挡风。一天他酒后驾驶， 翻了，一头栽在路旁。警察赶到：　　　　警察甲：好严重的车祸。　　　　警察乙：是啊，脑袋都撞到后面去了。　　　　警察甲：嗯，还有呼吸，我们帮他把头转回来吧。　　　　警察乙：好.....一、二使劲，转回来了。　　　　警察甲：嗯，没有呼吸了.......　　　　4、在一条七拐八拐的乡村公路上，因为时常发生车祸，所以常常有一些鬼故事发生，有一天晚上，有一个出租车司机看见路边有一个长发披肩，身着白衣的女人向他招手，因为这个司机没有见过鬼，所以大胆的停下来让她上车了，这一路上,司机虽然不信有鬼，心里也毛毛的，所以时常从后视镜看后面的女人，开着开着，突然司机发现那个女人不见了！司机吓了一大跳，赶紧踩了一个刹车！只见那个女人满脸是血，表情狰狞。司机吓的牙直打颤。突然那女人开口了：“你会不会开车啊！我低头系个鞋带你突然一刹车我把鼻子都撞破了……”　　　　5、一个病人去看病，医生检查了他，皱着眉头说：“您病得太严重了，恐怕不会活多久了。” 病人：“求您告诉我我还能活多久？” 医生：“十……” 病人着急地问：“十什么？十年？？十个月？？？十天？？？？？” 医生：“十，九，八，七，六，五……”　　　　6、老师：“你能说一些18世纪科学家共同特点吗？”　　　　学生：“能，他们都死了。”　　　　7、犀粪蜣和蚊子谈恋爱，蜣问蚊子是做什么工作的，蚊子说：“护士，打针的。”蜣一拍大腿：“缘分呐，我是中药局搓药丸的…”　　　　8、一非洲人住在某一宾馆。夜半，起火，不明原因。非洲人见状顾不了那么许多，光着身子就跑出去了。消防员见状惊呼：“我的妈呀！都烧的糊了吧区的了还能跑那么快！”　　　　9、一个人想出国考察，但必须得到老总批准。于是他向老总请示，老总给了他一张字条，上面写着：“Go ahead”。 那人想：“Go ahead=前进，老总是批准了。”于是他开始打点行李。 一个同事见到了他问：“你在做什啊？？”他说：“我准备出国考察，老总批准了，给我写了‘Go ahead’。” 同事一见条就乐了：“咱们老总根本就没批准！！咱老总的英语水平你还不知道，他这是在说去个头！”　　　　10、牧师对买了他马和马车的农夫说：“这匹马只能听懂教会的语言，叫"感谢上帝"它就跑;叫"赞美上帝"它才停下。”农夫将信将疑，他试着喊了一声感谢上帝，那匹马立刻飞奔起来，越跑越快。一只跑到悬崖边上惊恐的农夫才想起让它停下来的口令“赞美上帝”。果然，马停下来了。死里逃生的农夫长出一口气：“感谢上帝………”

我打了很久，请采纳

1 the night before, a girl get boyfriend engagement ring, but no one noticed the classmate, make her antics. You sit and chat in the afternoon, she suddenly stood up and shouted: \"oh, it's really hot in here, I think I'd better take off your ring.\" 2, the mistress called the maid to ask her: \"are you pregnant?\" \"Yes!\" The maid answered. Export \"kui you still say, you are not married, don't you feel shy?\" The hostess training again. \"Why should I be shy, you don't the hostess also pregnant?\" \"But I conceive is my husband!\" The hostess retorted angrily. \"Me too!\" The maid happy to echo. 3, a man riding a motorcycle like the dress, is to cut on the back, can the wind. Drunk driving one day, he turned over, a planted on the road. Police: police a: a good serious car accident. Policeman b: yes, his head hit the back. Po1: well, still breathing, let's help him turn his head back. Po2: good... One, two, turn back. Policeman a: well, not breathing... 4, turn in a curvy country road, because often in a car accident, so often have some ghost story, one night, there's a taxi driver saw the side of the road have a long hair shawls, dressed in a white woman waved to him, because the driver didn't see a ghost, so bold stopped to let her get on the bus, along the way, the driver doesn't believe in ghosts, the in the mind also maomao, so often the woman behind the rearview mirror to see, open open, the driver found the woman suddenly disappeared! The driver startled, hurriedly stepped on a brake! I saw the woman face is blood, grim expression. The driver frighten of teeth chatter. Suddenly the woman spoke: \"would you drive! I bow to fasten shoelaces are you smashed through a sudden brake my nose...\" 5, a patient to see a doctor, the doctor examined him, frowning said: \"you too serious ill, I'm afraid I won't live much longer.\" Patient: \"please tell me how long will I live?\" Doctor: \"ten...\" Patient anxiously asked: \"what? Ten years?? Ten months??? Ten days?????\" Doctor: \"ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five...\" 6, teacher: \"can you say some 18 th-century scientists common characteristics?\" Student: \"yes, they are all dead.\" 7, rhino poop Qiang and mosquito fall in love, Qiang asked a mosquito is to do what work, the mosquito said: \"nurse, give or take an injection.\" Qiang a clap a thigh: \"the fate, I am a traditional Chinese medicine bureau rub pills...\" 8, the africans live in a hotel. In the midnight, a fire, unknown reason. Before rushing so many africans, naked and ran out. Firefighters said exclaimed: \"my mama ah! All paste the burned area can run so fast!\" 9, a person wants to go abroad, but it must be approved by boss. So he to the manager for instructions, the boss gave him a note, it read: \"Go ahead\". The man thought, \"Go ahead = progress, boss is approved.\" So he started to packing. A colleague to see he asked: \"what are you doing?\" He said: \"I'm ready to Go abroad investigation, boss approved, wrote me 'Go ahead'.\" Colleague of joy at the sight of article: \"let's boss haven't approved!!!!! Our boss English don't you know, he is said to head!\" 10, priests to buy his horse and carriage of the farmer said, \"this horse can only understand the language of the church, call\" thank god \"it ran; called\" praise god \"it didn't stop.\" Farmer track, he tried to thank god gave a cry, the horse gallop, immediately ran faster and faster. A run to the edge of the cliff frightened farmer remembered that let it stop password \"praise god\". Sure enough, the horse stopped. Close the farmer grows a sigh: \"thank god.........\"
I played for a long time, please

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犁性氨糖： Berserk commando characters: Zhou Yu, Zhu Geliang, Gao crazy crazy crazy, short, fat. One day, Zhou Yu was at home, suddenly, a lunatic broke in: ＂stand up!＂ Zhou Yu: ＂why?＂ High: ＂I want to order you crazy!!＂ Zhou Yu: ＂hum, is a ...

白下区13929207378： 谁有英语小品,最好搞笑点的,急用,不要老套的谢谢我帮人找的,还有没?辛苦了呵呵 - ？
犁性氨糖：[答案] A(衣衫褴褛) B(衣着光鲜) C小花 D小草 E椅子 F新闻记者 B坐在E上吃东西,A一乞丐上前 A:先生,先生,请给我些... 于是F就报道了这一事件. F:大家好,我是新闻记者F,今天我看见了一个奇异的现象,一个椅子说话了,两个人被吓昏了,...

白下区13929207378： 求8人英语小品剧本!急急急! - ？
犁性氨糖： 英语小品剧本 -- 孙悟空vs猪八戒 An English play---- Pig Guy has been defeated by Monkey King悟空:师傅,是不是太累了?休息一下再走吧.Master, are you tired? Let's have a rest.唐僧:没关系,前面不远就有人家了,到了那里再休息吧...

白下区13929207378： 求几个英语小品,适合高中生表演的,不需要太长, - ？
犁性氨糖： 英语搞笑小品剧本《今天你VOA了吗?》 Characters: Narrator(N), Salesman(S), Dad(D), Maggie(M), Alice(A), Candy(C), Policeman(P)Preparation: 学校布景,做糖果用桌及相关材料,小贩家布景Scene1(At Salesman's home)N: In a dark ...

白下区13929207378： 介绍个好玩的英语小品剧本 - ？
犁性氨糖： Three Little Pigs 三只小猪 Storyteller: There are three little pigs living with 讲故事者:三只小猪和他们的妈妈 their mother. Ding-Ding and Dong- 住在一起.丁丁和东东 Dong are brother pigs. They are very 是猪哥哥,他们很懒,他 Lazy. They eat ...

白下区13929207378： 英语搞笑小品剧本 - ？
犁性氨糖： Characters: Narrator(N), Salesman(S), Dad(D), Maggie(M), Alice(A), Candy(C), Policeman(P) Preparation: 学校布景,做糖果用桌及相关材料,小贩家布景 Scene1(At Salesman's home) N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty ...