要一个英语小品，八分钟以内，初一的水平，人数在7~8人。富有哲理。有分段有翻译，高悬赏！！！！！！！

求搞笑英语话剧剧本（人数大概7～8人），能分出主演和客串，大概15～20分钟（一定要带翻译呀）~

英语话剧剧本：搞笑英语话剧：三笑三国 （7个人表演）
开场介绍： Ladies and gentlemen,let me introduct the actor. The first is zhaoyun,he is the most actor tonight.and his black brother zhangfei ,and there boss liubei .don't forgot the other side Mr cao,and his adviser JiangGan,and the most strong XiaHou Dun.At last,don't forget who behind the scenes ME----the Director.

第一幕：人物，赵云 夏侯惇 曹操 蒋干　
　　旁白：就在刚才不久，一个黑大汉从曹操军中救出刘备之子刘阿斗，现在正向这里杀过来，他就是张飞！！！（赵云出场）Not too long ago,a black general saved the son of LiuBei ,Liu A dou.now,he is coming. His name is Zhangfei.
　　
赵云：no！本人姓赵名云，乃常山子龙也！ no! my family name is zhao my middle name is yun and my given name is zilong ~
（赵云从背后拿出一坨布，代表阿斗）
赵云：看！这就是主公的最后一点骨血！刘阿斗！我从火场之中把他救出，而我自己的脸却早已……唉……化作焦炭！（顾影自怜状）look! this is the last blood of the boss ! liu e dou . i took him out from the fire ,but my face hane already ...ai ~.
（夏侯敦挺着枪呈猫腰状杀出）
夏侯敦：小贼，莫跑，要不然我就大开杀戒了（冲到） Children， stop there or i will kill you
（赵云左手抱阿斗，右手与之搏斗）
赵云：可恶！居然敢偷袭我！fuck,!! you bitch dare to attack me ??
（二人装腔作势打斗数招）
赵云：看我九阴白骨爪！！stop!! wait!!! one two three... nine dark white bone fingers!!
夏侯敦：唔！（倒地） oh my gad i'm over
赵云：此地不宜久留，还是快去寻主公！（下）yeah~ bitch i will go to look for my boss , goodbye~
（曹操、蒋干二人上）
曹操：没想到我们初次出兵便杀得敌人望风而逃！真可谓出师未捷身先死。长使英雄泪满襟！ I didn't expect that we can beat the enemy with our first attack.
It reminds me of a poem, "Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. Long the hero Tearful"
蒋干：丞相，您说这话，真不见得怎么吉利。 Prime minister,It does not sound good about what you have said;
（曹操险些被地上的夏侯敦绊倒）
曹操：咦？这是谁扔的西瓜皮？（转身，看见倒在地上的夏侯敦）Huh? Who threw the banana rind?
曹操：是夏侯爱卿。难道他又在搞什么行为艺术？？Do not Xiahou Dun?
Is he engaged in what is called performance art?
（蒋干上前将夏侯敦一顿拍打，二人站起）
曹操：夏侯爱卿为何要在地上装西瓜皮？？Why do you want to install banana rind on the ground?
夏侯敦：有一人脸如黑炭 手抱孩子there is a very black people witha baby in his band
蒋干：是敌人的保姆！还带个孩子！！！it Is enemy's maid with a child in his arm.
曹操：那你呢？What did you do?
　夏侯敦：i i i…… i rushed to him and fight with him i'mfightting fightting fightting我 我…… 我冲上去与之打斗 打 打 打
曹操：然后呢？What then?　
蒋干：丞相，看来是夏侯将军杀退了敌人！ Prime minister, it is likely that general Xiahou has defeated the enemy
夏侯敦：唔唔！（手势如下：指指门外，右手作“九”的样子，随即作全身发冷状，然后指向自己的衣服，再指向曹操，作爪击状）
　曹操：然后呢？ Then what happened?　
夏侯敦：no no no I was defeated he used the nine cloud white bone finger ,it's so terrible
（曹操、蒋干二人将夏侯敦拉起）
曹操：如此看来，敌人应该还没有走远。咱们乘胜追击！（慷慨状）It seems that the enemy should not go far. Let's run after them.
蒋干：有时候我真的很佩服丞相您这乐观的心理……（赞同状） Sometimes I really admires prime minister very much about your optimistic psychology ......
夏侯敦：唔！唔唔唔~！（抡起两拳，作欲与敌人搏斗状）


（三人下）
第二幕:人物：刘备 张飞 诸葛亮 赵云
　　（刘备、张飞、诸葛亮三人上）
旁白：这是的刘备一行人正在军营外观看敌情~~~LiuBei and his team are looking something out of his military camp.　　
、
（诸葛亮走在前面，张飞、刘备二人紧跟其后）
诸葛亮：（转头）主公啊，按理说是您走先啦！（恭敬状）old liu ah,you should walk in front of us! Is not it?
刘备：不啦，军师您身后有好大块荫凉，躲在这里避避暑也不错。No，it's very cool that I stand just behind you，I can avoid summer heat
诸葛亮：（眺望状）主公，如果我所料不错，现在马上就要下雨了！liu ah,come here! I tell you a secret! I think it is about to rain!
刘备：先生神算！人所不及！不知先生如何知道将要下雨？great prediction！No one can compare with you！just wonder how do you know it's going to rain？
诸葛亮：首先，天气预报说今天有雨；其次，（以手指前方）看天，那边有一块黑云来了！First,the weather report told us it is going to rain today;second,look at the sky,so many dark clouds are coming!
（赵云上）
张飞：哇！那就是子龙啊，想不到这一会不见子龙就换了个新桌面啊！Ha! That is person who called long ah, I could not believe that you have changd a new tabletop without a minute!
（张飞迎上）
张飞：子龙！ long
赵云：翼德救我！ help!!! brother three.
（张飞下）
赵云：主公！云殊死力战，方保得小主人在此！只是这许久不见啼哭，怕是已经……（悲愤状，取出布包，打开并捧着） boss, i have trid my best to protect the little boss. but it have a long time to hear nothing. i am afraid...
赵云：kao！这小没良心的，居然还能睡的着！就跟他爹一样！！ oh ~ shit.how can the son of bitch get in asleep.just like his father
刘备：咳咳！
（赵云转身面向刘备）
诸葛亮：子龙，不是我说你，你嘴上就是少个把门儿的，总不能啥实话都往外说啊！？Zilong,not I tell you, although it is true,you should not say it out!
（刘备怒视诸葛亮，诸葛亮恍如不知，赵云上前，将阿斗递给刘备，刘备捧着阿斗）
刘备：为了你这倒楣孩子，几乎损我一员大将啊！我还留着你赶什么啊，我摔死你吧！！because of you，I almost lose a brave general！Why do I keep you alive，let me kill you！！（阿斗摔下）
（赵云上前，对准阿斗狂踹数脚，诸葛亮上前拉住，赵云始终作势欲踢，诸葛亮用身体压住赵云后，走上前去一脚将阿斗踢飞）
旁白：从今以后，阿斗的智力便出现了明显的发育迟缓……This is why liu a dou is so foolish that lost his country.
赵云：咦？怎么不见关二哥呢？ yi ~~ where is brothe two GuanYu?
刘备：二弟昨天为军师摆下一个八卦阵去，不过在冲出去撞马的时候闪着腰了，现在还在休养呢！：He layout the BaGuaZhen for military adviser yesterday, but when he rushed out , he get his waist twisted, now he stay in bed.
诸葛亮：哎，太糟糕了，看我，多健康，多健壮！告诉他，多喝三鹿奶粉！（自恋状）！Oh,It is so bad! Look at me,so healthy,so strong!tell him to drink more sanlu milk powder!
　赵云：就给这孩子喝成这样儿了！！！（走上前，抚摸诸葛亮，做怜惜状） so you drink to be a foolish?
曹操（在台下）：啊~！！！（惨烈地）
刘备：难道三弟又重操旧业了？咱们快去看看！Did zhangfei return to one's former career ？Go to see what happen?
（三人下）



第三幕： 人物 张飞 曹操 夏侯 蒋干 刘备 诸葛亮
　　
旁白：时间拨回到三分钟之前，张飞大战长坂坡……Go back to three minutes before the time set aside，zhangfei fight with caocao's army on changbanpo
（张飞上，在台上转一圈后，如京剧拿柱般亮相，定格）
曹操和蒋干：嘿嘿嘿嘿！（奸笑中）
夏侯敦：唔唔唔唔……（奸笑中）
（三人奸笑上台）代写剧本 www.jiaokedu.com
张飞：哇！火腿肠你回来拉！！ Wa!You, The hot dog, come back !
夏侯敦：我靠，又一个黑人，黑人都是很牛x的，我怕了。。。 black man come again ， Blacks are very powerful，i'm afaid
曹操：阁下是何人，何以竟有如此美妙的声音！Excuse me. May I know your name? What a wonderful voice you have!
张飞：我便是那燕（yān）人张翼德！（咬牙）I am Zhang Yide from jingdu! (clenches teeth)
曹操：阉人？？原来只是一个太监……夏侯敦，上去解决他！
You are the so called coward,aren't you?xiahou,beat it!
（夏侯敦低头猫腰冲出）
夏侯敦：唔！唔~唔！
（二人打在一起）（定格）
蒋干：丞相，这一仗咱们必输，一会还有桥断水倒流呢！快叫夏侯将军下来吧。 Prime minister, we must have lose this Campaign , the bridge will also cut off the water soon!Let's call Xiahou general to get down quickly
曹操：你怎么知道？How dou you know it?
蒋干：《真三国无双叁》，长坂的任务啊！！ "Really,it is the game's duty of Three countries Unparalleled Three"!!
曹操：干啊，我看你是太沉迷于网络游戏了。这样既浪费时间又上海身体，你还是听为丞相的一句话吧！珍爱生命，远离三俗啊！
I think you are too addicted to online games. What a waste of time, and It's harmful,listen to me ,You must take good care of yourself.
（张飞与夏侯敦二人继续，张飞一枪击中夏侯敦）
夏侯敦：oh my gad i am over again又被打败了 （蒋干上前将夏侯敦拖回）
曹操：唉，如今这世道变了，太监都这么厉害啦！？
Why does that coward become so brave?　
　　张飞：曹贼听着！今日汝等必不能生过此桥！ cao ,stops talking! Today you all can't pass this bridge with a live one!
曹操：汝休得猖狂！今日要不是我手下典韦身死，许诸拉稀，于禁肺炎，李典麻疹，文聘肝癌，张辽痔疮，才不会输给你！shut up!If general dianwei was still alive,We would not be defeated!
张飞：你手下终究无人可用！啊，面对此景次请，我真想赋诗一首——Nobody may go to battle for you ,Facing this scenery,i really want to sing a song.er, on ......On ......（音乐起）only you ~~~~~only……you……
（夏侯敦跃起）
夏侯敦：唔唔唔……（以手捂耳，跑下）
曹操：啊！（惨厉的叫声，并以手捂耳）
蒋干：啊！（惨厉的叫声，并以手捂耳）
曹操：这难道就是传说中的门得尔松的c大调《鬼叫》协奏曲！何以如此震撼！（惊惶状）Why is this so shocking!
　蒋干：（一手指张飞）快看！丞相！桥断了！水也开始倒流啦！！（转过身去，以手捂耳） Look, Prime minister! The bridge broke! The water also starts to flow backwards（音效：山崩地裂之声）
曹操：aaaaaaaaaa（痛苦吐血状）（定格）
（诸葛亮、刘备、赵云三人上）
诸葛亮：别唱啦！再唱下去就把曹操给唱死啦！Do not sing more,ok?if you go on singing,CaoCao will die because of your song!
刘备：三弟快打住！！（以手捂耳）Stop,stop！！（以手捂耳）
张飞：only you ~~~~~only……you……（余音不绝）
刘备：子龙，快把三弟扛回去。Zilong，carry zhangfei back quickly。
赵云：好的！ ok
（赵云上前，以手捂住张飞的嘴，扛走，张飞依旧唱个不停）
（张飞、赵云二人下）
旁白：从此以后有一首歌传唱至今 经久不衰，叫做：only you~~~~ since then, a song becomevery very famous.The name is
《Only You》.(歌声再次响起，众人谢幕~~)。

甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called , today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin. At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.
乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance?
甲:(作目瞪口呆状),
乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?
甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.
乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)
丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.
甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.
丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....
甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin
丙:OK!!! I'll use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.
near, far, wherever you are
i believe that the heart does go on
once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)
and you're here in my heart,
and my heart will go on and on.
甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.
Oh, I'm dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise
丁:(对着乙的背影,沉思状)to be,or not to be,it's a question!(走到甲面前牵起她的手做亲吻状),I'm glad to see you,my dear princess.
甲(做娇羞状):oh, it's really a big surprise,so what's your name?
丁:My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?(甲,白痴的摇头),eh..,it's ok,then how about Robin Meade?(摇头),and Melissa Theuriau?(摇头),(丁,情绪激动),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.
甲(指门,气愤状),you you you.....
丁:ok ok, it doesn't matter, you needn't learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah!
甲:I don't care who you are, just show me your talent.
丁:ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”!
甲(起鸡皮疙瘩状):oh, I can't stand, show you the door,
丁(转身离开,继续台词):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is (回头,对甲)10 thousand years.
甲:oh, it's really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, I'm dying,you three, come here,
三人跑进来,乙妩媚状:honey, you like my dance,right?
丙镇静状:director,you like my singing,right?
丁深情状:princess,you like my poet,right?
三人同声:we are past,right?
甲:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,I'm sorry to tell you ....(接电话) What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(挂电话,低头),you three,(抬头),pass!
三人欢呼,说:we make it,we are superstar!
乙(甜蜜状):that's very sweet of you,we love you so much(飞个吻)
甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but I'm look forward to your progress.Do you have confidence?
三人齐答:yes,we do!
甲伸手,三人搭上,同声,fight,fight,fight!

旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II

旁白（旁白）/简介（介绍）：很久以前，有一个疯狂的国家，在这个疯狂的国家，也有一些疯狂的人疯狂的方式，试图表明的疯狂历史。晶科是最有名的剑客，被送往杀王清，嬴政。 “但最后他失败了，你想知道当时发生了什么事？好了，下一个节目会告诉你真相。

行动，太子丹（我掏镜子梳理，做自恋状）：镜子，镜子，告诉我，谁是最漂亮的人在世界上？（画外音：这是您的太子丹，太子丹不敢恭维）感谢ü镜！（面向观众）我太子丹，神奇的镜子说，我在世界上最有魅力的男人。但应摺嗯是个嫉妒的家伙，我感觉，如果镜子真相告诉了他，他会杀了我，我很害怕，所以我能做些什么呢？（帐篷里喊）我的部长在哪里？
牙山（恭敬）：亲爱的，我来了。
太子丹：我已经告诉你一遍又一遍，你应该叫我“最美丽，最优雅，英俊，迷人，可爱，聪明和最亲爱的太子丹“！
阿三：当然，亲爱的，我有一个好主意，我们可以找到一个的英雄杀嬴政????（对杀像）
王子：噢????什么是本世纪最昂贵的商品？人才！（21世纪最需要的，什么样的人才！话保持观众交流，最好的观众来回答，然后拍摄牙山肩膀赞美等）好主意！但在谁是合适的人选吗？
牙山筛选后，我有两个如字科的人的手。一个是LiMoChou，小姐，是的先生金科。NO1明天将PK的杀手，世界
太子：嗯，告诉我尽快的赢家，OK？
阿三：是的。
行动II

旁白（旁白）/简介（介绍）：很久以前，有一个疯狂的国家，在这个疯狂的国家，也有一些疯狂的人疯狂的方式，试图表明的疯狂历史。晶科是最有名的剑客，被送往杀王清，嬴政。 “但最后他失败了，你想知道当时发生了什么事？好了，下一个节目会告诉你真相。

行动，太子丹（我掏镜子梳理，做自恋状）：镜子，镜子，告诉我，谁是最漂亮的人在世界上？（画外音：这是您的太子丹，太子丹不敢恭维）感谢ü镜！（面向观众）我太子丹，神奇的镜子说，我在世界上最有魅力的男人。但应摺嗯是个嫉妒的家伙，我感觉，如果镜子真相告诉了他，他会杀了我，我很害怕，所以我能做些什么呢？（帐篷里喊）我的部长在哪里？
牙山（恭敬）：亲爱的，我来了。
太子丹：我已经告诉你一遍又一遍，你应该叫我“最美丽，最优雅，英俊，迷人，可爱，聪明和最亲爱的太子丹“！
阿三：当然，亲爱的，我有一个好主意，我们可以找到一个的英雄杀嬴政????（对杀像）
王子：噢????什么是本世纪最昂贵的商品？人才！（21世纪最需要的，什么样的人才！话保持观众交流，最好的观众来回答，然后拍摄牙山肩膀赞美等）好主意！但在谁是合适的人选吗？
牙山筛选后，我有两个如字科的人的手。一个是LiMoChou，小姐，是的先生金科。NO1明天将PK的杀手，世界
太子：嗯，告诉我尽快的赢家，OK？
阿三：是的。
行动II

a boy and his tree a long ago,there was a huge apple tree. a little boy love to come and play around it everyday.he climbed to the tree top,ate the apples,took a nap under the shadow…he loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him.time went by…the little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree everyday. one day,the boy came back to the tree and he looked. "come and play with me ,"the tree asked the boy . "i am no longer a kid, i don't play around trees anymore."the boy replied, "i want toys.i need money to buy them." "sorry,but i don't have money…but you can pick all my apples and sell them. so,you will have money."the boy was so excited .he grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily.the boy never came back after he picked the apples.the tree was sad. one day,the boy returned and the tree was so excited. "come and play with me ,"the tree said. "i don't have time to play.i have to work for my family.we need a house for shelter.can you help me?" "sorry,but i don't have a house .but you can chop off my branches to build your house."so the boy cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. the tree was glad to see him happy but the boy never came back since then. the tree was again lonely and sad. one hot summer day,the boy returned and the tree was delighted. "come and play with me !"the tree said. "i am sad and getting old.iwant to go sailing to relax myself.can you give a boat?" "use my truck to build your boat.you can sail faraway and be happy." so the boy cut the tree truck to make a boat .he went sailing and never showed up for a long time. finally, the boy returned after he left for so many years. "sorry,my boy.but i don't have anything for you anymore.no more apples for for you…“the tree said. "i don't have teeth to bite."the boy replied. "no more truck foe you to climb on." "i am too old for that now."the boy said. "i really can give you anything…the only thing left is my dying roots."the tree said with tears. "i don't need much now,just a place to rest.i am tired after all these year" the boy replied. "good!old tree roots is the best place to lean on and rest. come,come sit down with me and rest."the boy sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears…… this is a story of everyone. the tree is our parent. when we were young, we loved to play with mom and dad……when we grown up, we left them…only came to them when we need something or when we are in trouble. no matter what,parents will alway be there and give everything they could to make you happy. you may think the boy is cruel to the tree but that how all of us are treating our parent.time is too slow for those who wait,too swiftfor those who fear,too long for those who grieve,too short for those who rejoice,but for those who love,time is eternity.如果要中文翻译的话，追问里给我说一声，还有，采纳我哦~

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