急需一个短、幽默、简单、可以一个人演的英语剧本。

英语搞笑小品剧本（要简单点）~

　　12分钟好象有点长，我这里有我参加“星星火炬英语风采大赛”的剧本。参考一下额
　　Time ancient times. Character Mister Dongguo, wolf, hunter, old
　　apricot tree, Lao Niu, old farmer." In wilderness the mist and dust is
　　billowing, shouts the acoustic shock day. In shouted that, " fight wolves!pursues (a wolf belt arrow wound to go on stage)
　　wolf: I originally am
　　come from the north wolf, but in today the arrow was injured (wolf
　　lamely to run) [ Mister Dongguo to carry on the book pouch, on the one
　　hand walks on the other hand self-effacingly recites poetry.)
　　Guo: From a pot of wine among the flowers
　　I drank alone. There was no one with me --
　　Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
　　To bring me my shadow and make us three.

　　(Between the flower a pot liquor, drinks alone without the intimate.
　　Raises glass invites the bright moonlight, becomes three people to the
　　shade) (suddenly to discover on road crowd of ants, heart of the
　　mercy, has lifted a foot does not endure to lay down)
　　Guo: (Reads)
　　walks not injuries the cricket 蚁命 manner to have to have the mercy
　　heart (cautiously to bypass ant, after continues to lead the way)
　　(field shout big quake)
　　Guo: What happened next? The United States
　　military has joined battle with Iraq? (Wolf runs has come up) the
　　wolf: The adult saves a life, behind had a hunter to have to peel my
　　skin, rescued me!
　　Guo: Good good, is the person to want to be sincere
　　(was saying behind, dismounts the package, all but actually came out
　　the inside book)
　　Guo: You first hide in this package (wolf lamely
　　sneak in package) (Mister Dongguo to carry book pouch, continues to
　　walk) (on hunter) the hunter asks
　　Guo: Ask scholar's, has seen the
　　wolf which was injured to pass a moment ago?
　　Guo: Not.
　　Hunter: Thanks
　　gentleman. After (under hunter) (waits hunter to walk far, Mister
　　Dongguo put wolf from book pouch has gotten down)

　　Guo: The hunter walked, you in a big hurry escape the
　　wolf: Is
　　not I does not want to walk, I really am tired hungry
　　Guo: What then
　　you do want to eat?
　　Wolf: I must eat your meat! ! (Reveals fierce and antagonistic
　　expression)
　　Guo: Why then you do want to eat me? I have graciousness
　　and you

　　Wolf: Because you me stuffily in book pouch too long
　　Guo:
　　Really is the good intention not good newspaper. Is not good, I must
　　go ask the person to figure out! (Said, brings wolf to go) (to walk to
　　an old tree under)
　　Guo: Sets up eldest sister, I rescued the wolf, the
　　wolf have actually had to eat me. You to me comment this principle!
　　Tree: Should eat! (Wolf self-satisfied has smiled) the tree: Your
　　humanity endlessly cutted the piece of trees, continually our these old trees do
　　not let off, burns us with the fire. Why can't the wolf eat you? Ate
　　you to be able few individual to damage the nature (under old tree,
　　wolf slowly approached Mister Dongguo) (by now on cow)
　　Guo: Holds on a minute, lets me ask Niu eldest brother Guo: Eldest
　　brother Niu, my good intention has rescued this wolf, now it actually
　　must eat me. Should you said? Cow: This! Our Lao Niu gives birth to
　　must do this for your humanity to do that, drinks or our milk. But we
　　only eat the worst fodder every day, rest the worst cowshed, you also
　　had to dig up our cowhide to make money. The old wolf should eat you.
　　Wolf: (Sneers). Looked you also have any flattery (under cow) (on
　　farmer) Guo: And so on one and so on, the distant place has come an
　　old farmer. Asks him to figure out, if he said you should eat me, I
　　have complied with. Wolf: Good, I give you last the opportunity. Guo:
　　The old uncle, I has rescued this wolf, it actually ungratefully must
　　eat me. You said this makes sense? The farmer asks the wolf: Why did
　　you want to eat your savior? Wolf: He too has been stuffily long me in
　　the book pouch, almost suffocates me (farmer to take up book pouch,
　　about about looks at) the farmer: Was this book pouch such small, how
　　many installs the book all not to be able to install, how installed
　　under you? Or you demonstrate to me have a look? Wolf: The
　　demonstration (said on the demonstration, earth-boring auger has
　　leisurely gone in) the farmer to settle on the time, grips tightly the
　　book pouch mouth, ties up with the string. The wolf on is stranded in
　　the inside farmer: Silly scholar, the wild animal eventually is a wild
　　animal, could not change natural disposition. Is the person surely not
　　to be able to be excessively benevolent! Guo: (Nod name is) indeed
　　indeed, declines office due to old age the uncle to teach the farmer:
　　Then the present, we "solved" it (say. Two people treat the book pouch
　　to pummel, the farmer also uses the hoe to pound the wolf. The wolf
　　sends out the sorrowful bugle call in inside, one could not not then
　　have the sound of something astir) (farmer and Mister Dongguo shook
　　hand, separates from each other)

　　The curtain falls, all actor goes on stage.
　　时间 古代。
　　人物 东郭先生、狼 、猎人、老杏树，老牛、老农。”
　　荒野中烟尘滚滚，喊声震天。
　　内喊：“打狼啊，追啊
　　（一狼带箭伤上场，）
　　狼：我本是一只来自北方的狼，无奈今天中箭受了伤
　　（狼一瘸一拐跑下）
　　〔东郭先生背着书囊上，边走边摇头晃脑地念诗。）
　　郭： From a pot of wine among the flowers
　　I drank alone. There was no one with me --
　　Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
　　To bring me my shadow and make us three.
　　（花间一壶酒，独酌无相亲。举杯邀明月，对影成三人）
　　（忽然发现路上一群蚂蚁，顿起慈悲之心，已举起的一只脚不忍放下）
　　郭： （念）走路莫伤蝼蚁命
　　为人要有慈悲心
　　（小心翼翼地绕过蚂蚁，继续前行）
　　（后场喊声大震，）
　　郭：又发生了什么事？美军又与伊拉克交战了吗？
　　（狼跑过上来）
　　狼：大人救命，后面有个猎人要剥了我的皮，救救我吧！
　　郭：好吧好吧，做人要厚道
　　（说着，卸下背后的包，把里面的书都倒了出来）
　　郭：你先躲在这个包里吧
　　（狼一瘸一拐地钻进包里）
　　（东郭先生背着书囊，继续走）
　　（猎人上，）
　　猎人问郭： 请问秀才，刚才看见一只受伤的狼过去了吗？
　　郭：没有啊。
　　猎人：谢谢先生。
　　（猎人下）
　　（待猎人走远后，东郭先生把狼从书囊里放了下来）

　　郭：猎人已走，你快快逃命去吧
　　狼：不是我不想走，我实在是又累又饿
　　郭：那你要吃什么？
　　狼：我要吃你的肉！！（露出凶狠表情）
　　郭：那你为何要吃我？我有恩与你

　　狼：因为你把我闷在书囊里太久了
　　郭：真是好心没好报。不行，我要去找人评理！
　　（说完，带着狼向前去）
　　（走到一棵老树下）郭：树大姐，我救了狼，狼却要吃我。你给我评评这个理！
　　树：该吃！
　　（狼得意的笑了）
　　树：你们人类无休止地乱砍乱伐，连我们这些老树也不放过，用火来烧我们。狼为什么不能吃你呢？吃了你就能少个人来祸害大自然了
　　（老树下，狼慢慢逼近东郭先生）
　　（这时牛上了）
　　郭： 且慢，让我去问问牛大哥
　　郭：牛大哥，我好心救了这只狼，现在它却要吃我。你说该不该？
　　牛：该！我们老牛生下来就要为你们人类干这干那，喝的还是我们的奶。可我们每天只吃最差的草料、睡最差的牛棚，你们还要扒了我们的牛皮去赚钱。老狼该吃你。
　　狼：（冷笑）。看你还有什么好说的
　　（牛下）（农夫上）
　　郭：等一等，远处来了一位老农夫。找他评理，要是他说你该吃了我，我就遵从。
　　狼：好，我就给你最后一次机会。
　　郭：老伯，我救了这只狼，它却忘恩负义地要吃我。你说这有道理吗？
　　农夫问狼：你为何要吃了你的救命恩人？
　　狼：他把我闷在书囊里太久了，差点闷死我
　　（农夫拿起书囊，上下左右看了看）
　　农夫：这书囊这么小，装书都装不了多少，怎么装的下你？要不你示范给我看看？
　　狼：示范就示范
　　（说完，慢慢悠悠地钻了进去）
　　农夫看准时间，把书囊口扎紧，用绳子绑好。狼就被困在里面了
　　农夫：傻秀才啊，野兽终究是野兽，改不了本性的。做人千万不能过分仁慈！
　　郭：（点头称是）的确的确，多谢老伯教诲
　　农夫：那么现在，我们就把它“解决了吧”
　　（说罢。两人对着书囊拳打脚踢，农夫还用锄头砸狼。狼在里面发出哀号声，不一会便没了动静）
　　（农夫与东郭先生握了握手，分道扬镳）

　　幕落，全体演员上场。
　　剧本是我自己写的，希望给你帮上忙啊

我就知道Don't Touch Me!是六人的话剧 ，《臭脚的故事》6到8人

Scene1（At Salesman’s home）

N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!
S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……
Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)
First, put the flour on the table.
Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)
Now press, press……
Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)
Press, press……
Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it!
Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……
Now let me cut it into pieces!

---

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