我想要开心!谁说个笑话给我?
警察也幽默打猎两名警察去打猎,他们隐藏在草丛中等候猎物出现。终于,一群麋鹿出现在眼前。一名警察突然跳出草丛,朝天放了一枪,大声喊道:“都不准动!双手抱头蹲下!我们是警察!”质询有位绅士违章驾驶,被带到警察局。绅士说:“听着,我从来没想到会到这儿来受侮辱。”警察说:“先生一向在哪儿受侮辱呢?”冲动年轻警察为他的第一个案子出庭作证。这个案子里,农民养地24头猪被运输公司的卡车轧死了。为了强调损失的巨大,年轻警察激动地说:“各位想想吧,24头猪哇!24头!是陪审团的两倍呀!”球迷由于没弄到球票,一个球迷就爬到球场外的电线杆上看场内的比赛。正看到精彩处,球迷突然发现一位警察朝他走来。他正要下来,只见警察摆摆手问道:“进球没有?”“1:0,我们领先。”球迷答道。“好,那你接着看吧。小心点儿,别摔下来!”高兴的警察叮嘱了几句后便扬长而去。球赛即将结束时,警察又走过来问:“几比几了?”“1:2,客队赢了……”没等球迷说完,警察瞪大了眼睛怒吼道:“那你还有心思看?赶快给我下来,罚款10英镑!”球迷急忙顺着电线杆往下溜,刚下到一半就听到球场内欢声雷动、锣鼓齐鸣,警察又忙说:“快、快、快上去,看看谁又进球了?”超级球迷一个人到心理诊所看病:“大夫,给我开点什么药吧,我每天晚上做梦都梦见一群老鼠在踢足球。”大夫说:“你试试这种药吧,一天三次,吞服。”“我明天再吃行吗?”“为什么?”病人不好意思地说:“因为今天夜里该是老鼠们决赛了……”互相交换溜溜和球球走进肯德基餐厅,要了两杯饮料后,两人便各自从书包里拿出三明治吃了起来.“对不起,本餐厅不允许客人吃自带的食物!”一名服务员走过来,很不高兴地警告。溜溜和球球对望一眼,无可奈何地耸了耸肩,互相交换了手中的三明治。一男养一猪,特烦它,就想把它给扔了,但是此猪认得回家的路,扔了好多次都没有成功。某日,此人驾车弃猪,当晚打电话给他的妻子问:“猪归否?”其妻曰:“归矣。”男非常气愤,大吼道:“快让它接电话,我迷路了。”
网友,请采纳一下我的问题吧!!!
1.说有一只北极熊,因为雪地太刺眼了,必须要戴墨镜才能看东西, 可是他找不到墨镜,于是闭着眼睛爬来爬去在地上找,爬呀爬呀,把手脚都爬的脏兮兮的才找到墨镜。 戴上墨镜,对着镜子一照,这才发现:哦,原来我是一只熊猫
3.一只北极熊孤单的呆在冰上发呆,实在无聊就开始拔自己的毛玩,一根,两根,三根,最后拔的一根不剩,然后他就冷死了。
4.从前从前有一只鸟,他每天都会经过一片玉米田,但是很不幸的,有一天那片玉米田发生了火灾,所有的玉米都变成了爆米花!!!小鸟飞过去以后……以为下雪,就冷死了。
5.小明新理了发,第二天来到学校,同学们看到他的新发型,笑道:小明,你的头型好像个风筝哦!小明觉得很委屈,就跑到外面哭,哭着哭着,他就飞起来了。
6.蜘蛛爱上了蝴蝶,蝴蝶却拒绝了它,蜘蛛问:为什么?这是为什么!蝴蝶说:我妈说了,整天在网上混的都不是好人.
7.夏日炎炎的一天,两只香蕉走在路上。走在前面的香蕉突然觉得好热,他说,好热哦,我要把衣服脱掉。结果他就把皮给剥掉了。 结果后面的香蕉就跌倒了。然后脱了衣服的香蕉就变成了香蕉干~
8.有一天,三个探险家终于寻找到"希望之谷",传说中,只要站在山谷边大喊心中想要的东西,然后往山谷中跳下去,就会得到满坑满谷所想要的东西。于是他们三个决定试看看。
第一个是个色鬼,因此他大喊"女人!女人!"往下一跳果真有满坑满谷的美女正等着他.
第二个是个书呆子,喊了"书书书书书!"然后,跳到山谷里也得到满坑满谷的书.
第三个是个优柔寡断的人,左思右想总是无法决定自己的最爱,过了一个小时以后,他终于下定决心,觉得还是钞票最有用了,于是他走向山谷边.一不小心踢到一颗石头,他骂了一声"shit!"不料一个重心不稳跌下山谷。
9.小明呢,就明天要考试窝,但晚上却在看电视
小明妈妈就担心地问:书都看完了吗?明天要考试啊
小明就爽快地回答:妈,我看完了。
小明妈妈就很开心的赞扬小明:乖,那明天你一定考得很好呢
小明哭着说:妈,我是说,‘妈,我看,完了’。
10.熊猫深爱着小鹿,表达爱意时却遭到拒绝。 熊猫大吼~为什麼?这一切都是为什麼? 小鹿胆怯地说:我妈说了,戴墨镜的都是不良少年
11.有一天小明走在路上!走着走着突然觉得脚很酸!为什么会这样呢?因为小明踩到柠檬了!
12.汉字当中哪个字最酷?丁字裤(酷)
巾”对“币”说:儿啊。你戴上博士帽,也就身价百倍了。
“尺”对“尽”说:姐姐,结果出来了。你怀的是双胞胎。
“臣”对“巨”说:和你一样的面积。我却有三室俩厅。
13.某日,一个大学老师提问一学生,树上有十只鸟,开枪打死一只,还剩几只?
学生反问:是无声手枪吗?不是枪声有多大?80-100分贝。在这个城市打鸟犯不犯法?不犯。您确定那只鸟真的被打死了吗?确定。这时,老师已经不耐烦了:“,你告诉我还剩几只鸟就行了,OK?树上的鸟里有没有聋子?没有。有没有被关在笼子里挂在树上的?没有。边上有没有其他的树,树上还有没有其他的鸟?没有。如果有鸟怀孕了,算不算肚子里的小鸟?不算。 打鸟的人眼有没有花?没有花,就十只。教师已经是满头是汗,且下课铃响,但学生继续问:有没有傻得不怕死的鸟?都怕死。会不会一枪打死两只?不会。学生满怀信心地说:,如果您的回答没有骗人“打死的鸟要是挂在树上没有掉下来,那么就剩一只,如果掉下来,就一只不剩。老师当即口吐白沫倒在地上!
14.一天,有人经过十字路口,发现一件超级恐怖的事,他发现卡卡西和孙悟空竟然在笑!
15.很久很久以前,有一晚,池塘里有三只虾,哈哈哈,一个女鬼放了一个屁死了。
16.一个搞生物研究的女外星人来到地球,转了一圈后,觉得人类基因有不少可借鉴之处,于是她抓了个男人,想把他和关于人类基因的文本资料一起带回。可飞船体积小,没法带他走,资料又过于庞大,不能一次带完。焦虑之际,飞船的电脑帮助系统道:“这人身上有一根小小的棒子即可解决你所有问题……”这时她才恍然大悟,笑着留着口水对那个男人说:“。。。。。把U盘给我!” 。
17.有一个陷儿正过马路,结果不小心被卡车压瘪了,他奄奄一息的时候看了看自己的身体,他说:“原来我是豆沙馅儿的,不是肉馅儿的”
18.大哥,你别在摸了!你摸了上面摸下面,毛都让你摸掉了,这么嫩的皮,被你摸的都流水了!你让俺以后怎么卖?这桃都是新鲜的,您不买就算了!
19.从前有只小羊,有天他出去玩,结果碰上了大灰狼。 大灰狼说:我要吃了你!!!小羊大惊!你们猜,结果怎么了?结果大灰狼就把小羊吃了。
20.从前有个剑客,他人很冷,心很冷,剑很冷,最后冷死了
21.从前有一只老虎在马路上追一只鹿!鹿大惊于是越跑越快,最后就变成了高速公路
22.有一个西红柿,被石头拌了一跤吧嗒摔烂了,又有一个西红柿吧嗒又摔烂了,还有一个西红柿吧嗒吧嗒吧嗒吧嗒吧嗒无数个西红柿摔烂了最后一个西红柿也摔倒了啊嗒耶!番茄酱耶!
23.士兵问连长:作战时踩到地雷咋办?连长大为恼火:靠,能咋办?踩坏了照价赔偿。
24.一天,三只小猪为了躲避大灰狼的追赶,而建造了三个小屋。大灰狼不费劲的吹毁了草屋,木屋,砖屋,三只小猪们拼命的跑,但是还是被大灰狼追上了。三只小猪绝望地说,你看着办吧。我们放弃了,随你怎样。此时,大灰狼奸笑着,留着口水说:那快告诉我小红帽在哪里?
25.大象把大便排在路中央,一只蚂蚁正好路过,它抬头望了望那云雾缭绕的顶峰,不禁唱到:呀啦索,这就是青藏高原!~~~~
我打了很久的,采纳一下吧!
1 say to have a polar bear, because the snow is too dazzling, must wear sunglasses to see things, but he could not find his glasses, then closed his eyes to climb on the ground, climb up, the hands and feet up the dirty to find sunglasses. Wear a pair of sunglasses, a mirror to shine, it found that: Oh, I'm a panda
3 a polar bear to stay alone in a daze ice, really boring started pulling their hair, one, two, three, the last one left, and then he cold dead.
4 once upon a time there lived a bird, he every day through a corn field, but unfortunately, a fire one day the cornfield, all corn into popcorn!!! The bird flew past later...... That the snow, cold dead.
5 Xiao Ming Li of the new hair, the second day came to the school, the students saw his new hairstyle, smiles: Xiao Ming, your head like a kite oh! Xiao Ming feel wronged, they ran out crying, crying tears, he would fly up.
6 spider fell in love with the butterfly, butterfly refused it, spider ask: why? This is why! Butterfly said: my mom said, mixing all day on the Internet are not good
The 7 summer day, two bananas walk on the road. Walk in front of the banana suddenly feel very hot, he said, good hot Oh, I want to take your clothes off. He put the skin to peel away. Results fell behind the banana. Then undressed banana becomes dried banana
8 one day, three explorer finally find the "valley of hope", according to legend, just stand in the valley edge shouting what you want, then jump into Valley in large numbers, get what you want. So the three of them decided to try to have a look.
The first is a goat, so he shouted, "a woman! The woman! "There was a jump down in large numbers beauty waiting for him
The second is a nerd, shouted "book book book book book! "Then, jumping into the valley has been in large numbers of books
The third is a person always irresolute and hesitant, think of this way and that is not for them to decide the most love, an hour later, he finally determined, feel or money is the most useful, so he went to the valley edge. Accidentally kicked a stone, he scolded "shit! "But an unstable center of gravity down the valley.
9 Xiaoming, will have an exam tomorrow nest, but the night was to watch TV
Xiao Ming mother asked: books are finished? Have an exam tomorrow
Xiaoming readily replied: Mom, I finished.
Xiao Ming mother very happy praise Xiaoming: good, that tomorrow you will do a good job
Xiao Ming cried and said: Mom, I said, 'Mom, I see,.'.
The 10 panda love deer, expression love but was rejected. The panda roar ~ why? All this is why? The fawn timidly say: my mother said, wearing sunglasses is bad boy
11 one day Xiaoming go on the road! Walked suddenly feel the foot is very acid! Why? Because he stepped on a lemon!
Among the 12 Chinese characters which word is the coolest? G-string (cool)
Towel "to" money "says: my son. You wear a doctor cap, also have a sudden rise in social status.
"Rule" to "do" said: the elder sister, the results come out. You are carrying twins.
"I" to "giant" said: and you have the same area. I have 3 rooms two hall.
13 one day, a university teacher asked a student, there are ten birds in the tree, shot and killed one, how many are left?
The students asked: is the silent pistol? No gunshots have how old? 80-100 db. Hits the bird in this city to violate the law? Don't make. Are you sure that bird was killed? Determine. At this time, the teacher was already impatient: ", you told me a few birds left to go, OK? There is no deaf birds on the tree? No. There is no was shut in a cage hanging in the trees? No. There is no other tree, the tree has no other bird? No. If the birds were pregnant, calculate do not calculate in the belly of a bird? Don't count. Human bird have flowers? No flower, have ten only. The teacher was already sweating, and finishes class the bell sound, but the students continue to ask: is there any silly not afraid dead birds? All fear death. Will not shoot two? Can't. Students with full confidence, said: if you answer no lie "killed if the bird hanging did not fall in the tree, then remains one, if you fall, does not remain. The teacher was foaming at the mouth and fell to the ground!
The 14 day, people pass the crossroads, found a super bloodcurdling thing, he found that Kakashi and Sun Wukong even in laughter!
15 a long time ago, one night, there are only three shrimp pond, ha ha ha, a ghost put a fart die.
16 a biological study of female aliens came to earth, a circle, think the human gene has many lessons, she caught a man, want to put him back in and about human gene text data. But its small size, don't take him away, data too large, not a band. The anxiety, the ship's computer help system way: "this person has a small stick can solve all of your problems......" Then she could see light suddenly, smile and keep slobber said to the man:"..... The U disk to me!".
17 there is a depression, crossing the road, was accidentally truck tyre, be at one's last gasp when he looked at his body, he said: "I was sweetened bean paste stuffing, not the meat stuffing"
The 18 eldest brother, you don't touch! You touch touch the hair above, let you feel lost, so tender skin, be felt by you running water! You let me how to sell? This peach is fresh, you do not buy it!
19 once upon a time there was little sheep, one day he went out to play, the results hit the big bad wolf. The wolf said: I want to eat you!!! The big surprise! Guess what, result how? Results the wolf ate the lamb.
20 once upon a time there was a swordsman, he is very cold, cold heart, sword is cold, the cold dead
21 once upon a time there was a tiger chasing a deer in the street! The deer was surprised and ran faster and faster, finally becomes a freeway
22 there is a tomato, was stone mix of Bata broken, and a tomato kipper and broken, and a tomato TA TA TA TA TA countless tomatoes smashed. Finally a tomato fell Ah Da! Tomato sauce!
23 the commander of the soldiers asked: Combat stepped on landmines? Even grew up as the angry: depend, can do? Trampled the compensation.
The 24 day, the three little pigs to avoid the wolf's pursuit, and built three cabin. The wolf not laborious blow ruined grass, wood, brick house, the three little pigs are desperately run, but was caught up with the wolf. The three little pigs desperate to say, you do it. We give up, whatever you do. At this time, the wolf crafty smile, keep slobber said: please tell me where is the Little Red Riding Hood?
25 elephants in the stool Pai Road Central, one of ants is pass by, the peak, it looked to the cloud can not help but sing: ah cable, this is the Qinghai Tibet plateau! ~ ~ ~ ~
警察也幽默 打猎 两名警察去打猎,他们隐藏在草丛中等候猎物出现。终于,一群麋鹿出现在眼前。一名警察突然跳出草丛,朝天放了一枪,大声喊道:“都不准动!双手抱头蹲下!我们是警察!” 质询 有位绅士违章驾驶,被带到警察局。 绅士说:“听着,我从来没想到会到这儿来受侮辱。” 警察说:“先生一向在哪儿受侮辱呢?” 冲动 年轻警察为他的第一个案子出庭作证。这个案子里,农民养地24头猪被运输公司的卡车轧死了。为了强调损失的巨大,年轻警察激动地说:“各位想想吧,24头猪哇!24头!是陪审团的两倍呀!” 球迷 由于没弄到球票,一个球迷就爬到球场外的电线杆上看场内的比赛。正看到精彩处,球迷突然发现一位警察朝他走来。他正要下来,只见警察摆摆手问道:“进球没有?” “1:0,我们领先。”球迷答道。 “好,那你接着看吧。小心点儿,别摔下来!”高兴的警察叮嘱了几句后便扬长而去。 球赛即将结束时,警察又走过来问:“几比几了?” “1:2,客队赢了……”没等球迷说完,警察瞪大了眼睛怒吼道:“那你还有心思看?赶快给我下来,罚款10英镑!”球迷急忙顺着电线杆往下溜,刚下到一半就听到球场内欢声雷动、锣鼓齐鸣,警察又忙说:“快、快、快上去,看看谁又进球了?” 超级球迷 一个人到心理诊所看病:“大夫,给我开点什么药吧,我每天晚上做梦都梦见一群老鼠在踢足球。” 大夫说:“你试试这种药吧,一天三次,吞服。” “我明天再吃行吗?” “为什么?” 病人不好意思地说:“因为今天夜里该是老鼠们决赛了……” 互相交换 溜溜和球球走进肯德基餐厅,要了两杯饮料后,两人便各自从书包里拿出三明治吃了起来. “对不起,本餐厅不允许客人吃自带的食物!” 一名服务员走过来,很不高兴地警告。 溜溜和球球对望一眼,无可奈何地耸了耸肩,互相交换了手中的三明治。 一男养一猪,特烦它,就想把它给扔了,但是此猪认得回家的路,扔了好多次都没有成功。某日,此人驾车弃猪,当晚打电话给他的妻子问:“猪归否?”其妻曰:“归矣。”男非常气愤,大吼道:“快让它接电话,我迷路了。”
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13. 祝你和她幸福。又是新的一天,我要开心。再见了。我爱的人。14. 表面笑的越开心的人,心里其实越伤心。 表面说着不在乎的人,其实比任何人都在乎。15. 我喜欢信息来的声音,但希望是你发的才会开心 表达很开心的说说经典 1. 小闺蜜啊,最近开心么,2. 做个悲伤的智者,不如做个开心的...
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12、你嘴有那么大吗?你可以笑出几声哈哈哈嘛。把你大嘴叫出来。跟他比一比谁厉害。13、不用回复了,女生这样一般是没话说避免尴尬。14、女生这样的表情,自己先要想想她现在是什么意思,也可以说你笑什么,真的有哪么开心么?15、你开心问她:发现什么趣事啦哈哈哈。16、可以回复一个那种一脸懵逼的...
表面上看起来笑得很开心,心里就一定是开心的吗 ?
当然也不一定就是不开心,当在特定的情景下,人会发出内心的笑,那是最美的笑了! 怎么样才可以开心起来?忘记一切不开心的事? 忘记...一个心痛的问题... 说彻底去忘记过去是在骗自己,也在骗别人,只要有一点点可以联络到过去的事的东西,你就不可能忘记过去的。不要逃,后悔也没有用...你说是吗? 有一句话不...
今天好郁闷。谁讲个笑话让我开心下!
县委书记讲完后,主持人说:“咸菜请香肠酱瓜!” (翻译:现在请县长讲话!) 县长说:“兔子们,今天的饭狗吃了,大家都是大王八!” (翻译:同志们,今天的饭够吃了,大家都使大碗吧!) 县长:“不要酱瓜啦,我捡个狗屎给你们舔舔•••••” (翻译:不要讲话了,我讲个故事给你们听听•••••...
以后要多笑笑的说说
2022-08-10 · TA获得超过418个赞 知道小有建树答主 回答量:258 采纳率:95% 帮助的人:105万 我也去答题访问个人页 关注 展开全部 1.最近很喜欢笑,就算还是有那么多不开心的事。就是想笑,单纯的多笑笑,一切都会慢慢变好吧。 2.只要看到喜欢的人笑真的就觉得很幸福所以你们一定都要多笑笑呀。
我想给男朋友讲个笑话,逗他开心,讲什么笑话,谁讲一个出来?
不会。学生满怀信心地说:,如果您的回答没有骗人“打死的鸟要是挂在树上没有掉下来,那么就剩一只,如果掉下来,就一只不剩。老师当即口吐白沫倒在地上! 14.一天,有人经过十字路口,发现一件超级恐怖的事,他发现卡卡西和孙悟空竟然在笑! 15.很久很久以前,有一晚,池塘里有三只虾,哈哈哈,一个女鬼放了一个屁...
假装开心的句子
5、我没有难过我在很努力的假装快乐,生活太难过,能不能够假装重新来过。6、为了家人,为了人生,为了好好地活只能假装快乐,只是在外人面前装出来的罢了,装的很乐观,很开心,很爱笑,性格多好多好,其实我这个人根本不爱笑,也没那么多话说,也没别人想的那么外向。一切都是假的,只有自己一个...
机钢更昔: 你笑一次,我就可以高兴好几天;可看你哭一次,我就难过了好几年!!!!
开福区18328799098: 我不高兴,不开心.谁给我讲几个笑话,?
机钢更昔: 有一天大便和小便要过马路,大便被大卡车撞死了,小便哭着对大便说:我想大便…哈哈…好笑吧
开福区18328799098: 最近心情不怎么好,谁能讲个笑话让我开心下. - ?
机钢更昔: 一女子下夜班,一男子尾随图谋不轨,女子慎怕,路过坟地,灵机一动,对坟墓说:爸爸,我回来了,开门啊.男子大惧,哇哇大叫奔逃.女子心安,正要离开,忽然从坟墓中传来阴森森的声音:闺女,你又忘了带钥匙啊.女子惊骇,也哇哇奔...
开福区18328799098: 心情很郁闷,谁能给讲几个笑话,逗我开心? - ?
机钢更昔: 看just for laughs的节目吧,优酷有哦,很搞笑的 网址: http://www.youku.com/playlist_show/id_1570503.html 这是我的笑话,不知你听过没: ###笑话:1,阿杰穿越坟场,听见敲击声,非常害怕,忽然见到了一个人在凿石碑,阿杰对那人说:你...
开福区18328799098: 谁给我讲个笑话?让我开心一下?
机钢更昔: 小红有糖,看见小明,就说:小明,你猜猜我手上有几个糖,猜对了我5个糖全给你,小明说:好!是不是3个?
开福区18328799098: 谁能给我讲个笑话?让我开心一下?
机钢更昔: 笑话我这儿很多,但我想说心情是靠自己做主的,与其听他人讲笑话,还不如面对镜子笑一下,送自己一个微笑与祝福,然后听一下贝多芬的《命运》交响曲,相信你会调整好自己心情的. 祝你幸福快乐!
开福区18328799098: 谁给我讲一个笑话,让我过年开心一下!!?
机钢更昔: .钱不是问题,问题是没钱! 2.烧香的不一定是和尚,还可能是熊猫... 3.喝醉了我谁也不服,我就扶墙! 4.我就像一只趴在玻璃上的苍蝇,前途一片光明,但又找不到出路. 5.谁说我白,瘦,漂亮~我就跟他做好朋友~ 6.关于丁字裤:以前,脱...
开福区18328799098: 谁有好笑的笑话,给我提供点,我想开心点,不要老愁眉苦脸的了.我最近心情不好?
机钢更昔: 医院里传来新生儿的笑声,医生们很奇怪,掰开刚出生的婴儿紧紧握着的拳头.看到了一片药丸.这时婴儿开口说话了:妈的,想干掉我,没那么容易
开福区18328799098: 我今天很不开心,希望大家给我讲几个笑话,能让我开心!(给大家送50分)?
机钢更昔: 一个男学生在睡觉,女老师(数学)叫他起来回答问题说,一棵树上有三只鸟,一个猎人打死了一只还有几只?男学生说,一只也没有了,其他的鸟都吓跑了,女老师说,按照数学的算法应该还剩两只,不过我喜欢你的思维方式.学生说,那么老师我问你个问题,公园里有三个女子,她们各买了一只棒冰,一个女的是咬着吃的,一个女的是唆着吃的,一个女的是舔着吃的,你说她们哪个是已经结过婚的?女老师脸红了一下说,应该是舔着吃的哪个,男同学说,是戴结婚戒指的那个,不过我喜欢你的思维方式. 《分数就不要了,采纳就行了》