一篇英语幽默小短文 100词左右，不要太难，两分钟的课前演讲！！急急急！
2分钟英语演讲短文
第一天：THE NEWSPAPER 报 纸
Nowadays the newspaper possesses considerable value Everybody should read it. It supplies us with a variety of news every day. It tells us the political situation of the world. If we form the habit of reading the newspaper, we shall (will) get enough knowledge to cope with our circumstances. 现今报纸拥有极大的价值，人人都应该看它。它每天提供我们各种类类的消息。它告诉我们世界政治局势。如果我们养成看报的习惯，我们就能得到足够的知识来因应我们的环境。 学生虽然每天须做功课，但他们至少应该匀出一两个小时来看报。哪些，他们不但能增加知识而且也能赶上时代。总而言之，看报对学生很有益处。 第二天：MY DAILY LIFE 我的日常生活
Though my daily life is extremely monotonous, I try hard to adapt myself to it. Why? Because I intend to be a good student. I wish to render service to my country.
I get up at six o’clock every day. After I wash my face and brush my teeth, I begin to review my lessons. I go to school at seven o’clock.
After school is over, I return home. We usually have supper at seven o’clock. Then I begin to do my homework. I want to finish it before I go to bed. 虽然我的日常生活十分单调，但我却竭力设法去适应它。为什么？因为我打算做一个好学生，希望将来为国家服务。
我每天六点起床、洗脸刷牙后，就开始复习功课，七点钟我就去上学。
放学后，我就回家了。我们通常在七点钟吃晚餐，之后我就开始做家庭作业，希望在睡觉前把它做完。
第三天：A MODEL STUDENT 模范学生
Do you mind being called a bad student? Of course not. So far as I know, everybody intends to be (become) a model student.
However, to be a model student is by no means an easy thing. First, he must do his best to obtain knowledge. A man without sufficient knowledge will not succeed. Secondly, he must remember to improve his health. Only a strong man can do great tasks. Thirdly, he should receive moral education. If his conduct is not good, no one will consider making friends with him. 你价意被称为坏学生吗？当然不。就我所知，每个人都打算做模范学生。 然而，做模范学生却不容易。第一，他必须尽力获得知识（求知）。一个没有足够知识的人是不会成功的。第二，他必须记住促进健康。只有强壮的人才能做大事。第三，他应该接受道德教育。如果他品行不好，没有人会考虑和他交朋友的。 第四天：HOW TO GET HAPPINESS 如何获得快乐
There is no doubt that happiness is the most precious thing in the world. Without it, life will be empty and meaningless. If you wish to know how to get happiness, you must pay attention to the following two points.
First, health is the secret of happiness (the key to happiness). Only a strong man can enjoy the pleasure of life.
Secondly, happiness consists in contentment. A man who is dissatisfied with his present condition is always in distress.
2分钟英语演讲短文
无疑的快乐是世界上最宝贵的东西。没有它，人生将是空虚的而且毫无意义的。如果你希望知道如何获得快乐，你须注意下面两点。
健康是快乐的要诀。唯有身体强壮的人才能享受人生的乐趣。 快乐在于知足。一个不满于现状的人终是处在痛苦之中。 第五天：BOOKS 书籍
As is well known, books teach us to learn life, truth, science and many other useful things. They increase our knowledge, broaden our minds and strengthen our character. In other words, they are our good teachers and wise friends. This is the reason why our parents always encourage us to read more books.
Reading is a good thing, but we must pay great attention to the choice of books. It is true that we can derive benefits from good books. However, bad books will do us more harm than good. 如众所周知，书籍教我们学习人生，真理，科学以及其它许多有用的东西。它们增加我们的知识，扩大我们的心胸并加强我们的品格。换句话说，它们是我们的良师益友。这是为什么我们的父母终是鼓励我们要多读书的理由。
读书是一好事，但我们必须多加注意书的选择。不错，我们能从好书中获得益处。然而，坏书却对我们有害无益。
第六天：A TRIP TO THE COUNTRY 乡村游记
One Sunday my mother (Mother) had (made) me take my little young brother to the a trip to the country. She bade me take good care of him.
While we were walking along the road, the sun was shining brightly and the breeze was blowing gently. We saw the beautiful flowers smile (smiling) at us and heard the birds sing (singing) their sweet songs on the trees. The scenery was indeed very pretty (beautiful).
When we felt tired, we returned home. We saw Mother (our mother) wait (waiting) for us at the door.
有一个星期日，我母亲叫我带小弟弟去乡村游历。她吩咐我要好好照料他。
当我们沿着道路行走的时候，太阳灿烂地照耀着，微风轻轻地吹着。我们看见美丽的花儿对我们微笑着，并听见鸟儿在树上唱着悦耳的歌曲，风景实十分美丽。
当我们感觉到疲倦的时候，我们就回家了。我们看见母样正在门口等候我们。 第七天：BE PATRIOTIC 要爱国
It is the duty of every citizen to make the country rich and powerful (To make the country rich and strong is...). In order to accomplish this object one must be patriotic (love his country). I consider this an unchangeable truth.
How can a student love his country (be patriotic)? I find my answer very simple and clear. He must study hard and store up knowledge so as to serve his (the) country in the future. If every student can do according to what I said, the country will certainly be rich and powerful. 要使国家富强是每个公民的责任。为了达到此目的，必须爱国。我认为这是一条不易的定理。 一个学生如何才能爱国呢？我发觉答复很简单明了。他必须用功读书并积储知识以便将来服务国家。如果每个学生能按照我所说的去做，国家一定会富强。 第八天：THE VALUE OF TIME 爱惜时光
An English proverb says that time is money. I consider it (this) wrong. Why? Because we all know that we can earn money be work but can not in any way get back time (in anyway). For this reason, we may (can) say that time is more valuable than money.
Many people do not know the value of time. It (this) is indeed a great pity. We must bear (keep) in mind that wasting time is equal to wasting your life.
Hong Kong is one of the world's highly prosperous cosmopolitan city, the whole territory of the three major regions of Hong Kong Island, the Kowloon Peninsula, the New Territories and other components. The total land area of 1,104.32 square kilometers jurisdiction, as of the end of 2014, with a total population of about 726.4 million people, the population density in the world and the third world. Prior to 1840, Hong Kong was a small fishing village. 1842--1997 years, Hong Kong became a British colony. Hong Kong's rapid development after World War II economic and social, in this intersection of Eastern and Western culture, becoming one of "Asian Tigers." July 1, 1997, China formally resumed sovereignty over Hong Kong, has become one of China's Special Administrative Region. Allowed to retain existing economic models, legal and social system, and enjoy a high degree of autonomy than all diplomatic and defense affairs. Hong Kong is the second in the world in New York, London, after the third largest financial center, together known as the "Nuremberg Harbor", enjoys a high reputation in the world. It is one of the international and major shipping hub and the most competitive cities in Asia Pacific, Index of Economic Freedom for 21 consecutive years ranked first in the world. Hong Kong's reputation for good security, economic freedom, and a sound legal system and famous, known as the "Pearl of the Orient", "gourmet paradise" and "shopping paradise" reputation. It is the world's richest, most developed economy and one of the highest living standards in the region.
推荐:1.
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行".
2. Do You Know My Work？
One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes．
Two men stood outside and looked at the fire．
“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money． People don't think of money when they're afraid． When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it． So I took all the bills that I could find．No one will be poorer because I took them．”
“You don't know my work，” said the other．
“What is your work？”
“I'm a policeman．
“Oh！” cried the first man． He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work？”“No，”said the policeman．
“I'm a writer． I'm always telling stories about things that never happened．”
译文：
你知道我是干什么的吗？
一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来。
两个人站在外面，看着大火。
“在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。”
“你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个说。
“你是干什么的？”
“我是警察。”
“噢！”第一个人喊了一声,灵机一动,说：“那你知道我是干什么的？”“不知道。”警察说。
“我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。”
希望帮到你.
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher say's“Why are you arguing?”
One boy answer,“We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest
lie.”
“You should be ashamed of yourselves said the teacher,“When l was your age l didn't even know what a lie was.”
the boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
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