英语小品

关于英语小品搞笑剧本，6人~

7人的英语小品剧本，短篇 .可任选其一。
pocket money
Characters: Narrator(N), Salesman(S), Dad(D), Maggie(M), Alice(A),
Candy(C), Policeman(P)
Preparation: 学校布景，做糖果用桌及相关材料，小贩家布景
Scene1（At Salesman’s home）
N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He
always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He
has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu ……
He is coming!
S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous
candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very
popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come
here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……
Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)
First, put the flour on the table.
Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)
Now press, press……
Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)
Press, press……
Oh, my god!(鼻涕)Never mind! Just do it!
Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……
Now let me cut it into pieces!
One, two, three, four, five……（用脏菜刀）
Wow, everything is ready!
糖果钻出来（跳舞），跳完后，非常难过地说：Oh, I’m so dirty and ugly! What can I do? The
students will eat me! And they will be ill! Wuwuwu…
S: Mmmm…It looks dirty, let me give you a nice coat! (给它穿上) Wow! Now
it’s so beautiful! Haha……
C: Oh, no! Don’t sell me! I’m dirty!(拖糖果下场)

Scene2（At the school gate）

N: The next day, when the class is over, all the students come
out happily and the salesman goes to the school gate as usual.
（Maggie和Alice 欢快地跑出校门，看到小贩）
(小贩拉着糖上场，吆喝)：Candies! Candies! Sweet candies! ……
M: Oh, Alice! Look! Candies!
A: Yeah! I think they are yummy!
M: Let’s ask him.
A: OK!
C: Don’t buy me！（非常焦急）
M&A: Why?
C: I’m dirty！
M: No, you look nice!
C: What can I do? (面向观众) Wuwuwu…(小贩将她拉在后面)
S: Candies! Candies!（引诱两个女孩）
M&A: How much are they?
S: Do you have money?（轻蔑）
M&A: Money?(对视)

M:Oh, I’ve no money!（失落之极）
A: Me too.
S: No money? So sorry!(吆喝着走开，下场)
M: What can we do now?
A: Let’s ask dad for money.
M: But how to ask?
A: How?…Oh,I know ,let’s make him happy ,and he will give us
money.（自信）

一天出租车司机Tommy遇到了很多奇怪的事情。烦人的女孩、孕妇、抢匪、不管事的警察，甚至还遇到了鬼。。。
Cast
Erin Chang: Robber
Debby Tsai: Police officer
Serrin Lee: Betel nut girl
Alec Zhao: Ghost student
Leo Lee: Taxi driver
Yi-ling Chen: Pregnant woman
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Summary
This story talks about a poor taxi driver, Tommy, who meets many strange things in one day. First, he carries a Betel Nut Girl who wants to harass him. Second, a pregnant woman makes him feel nervous. Third, he carries a robber and meets a police officer who only manages traffic. At last, he carries a ghost student.

Tommy: Hello, my name is Tommy. Serving you is my honor. Where would you like to go?
Betel nut girl: Hi! Tommy. I’m going to Chong-Shan North Road, please.
Tommy: Ok, Chong-Shan North Road, no problem. Um? I remember there’s only a Chong-Shan East Road. Miss, are you sure you’re going to Chong-Shan North Road?
Betel nut girl: Um, I’m not sure. You just drive. Maybe I will remember where it is later.
Betel nut girl: How old are you? Are you married? You’re probably not married since you’re so young. Do you have a girlfriend?
Tommy: Um…miss, we are almost at Chong-Shan East Road. Do you want to have a look?
Betel nut girl: Oh! Not here. By the way, don’t you feel tired after driving all day long? Maybe I can help you relax.
Tommy: What…what do you want to do? Take your hands off me or I’ll scream!
Betel nut girl: I did nothing! You just missed a nice chance. Stop the car, I want to get off.
Tommy: (Relived) Great! The total is 155 dollars, Thank you.
Betel nut girl: Um! Take it!
Pregnant woman: Hey! Taxi!
Pregnant woman: Thanks. You are real a very kind man.
Tommy: Where are you going?
Pregnant woman: Hospital, please.
Tommy: You’re going to the prenatal checkup, right? It must be very tiring carrying a baby.
Pregnant woman: Yeah. It’s almost nine months.
Tommy: Woo. Congratulations.
Pregnant woman: Thank you.
Pregnant woman: (screaming)
Tommy: Are you ok?
Pregnant woman: (screaming)
Tommy: Is it time now? Are you going to deliver your baby now? I will drive as fast as I can. Stay down.
Pregnant woman: (screaming)
Tommy: We’re almost there.
Pregnant woman: (screaming)
Tommy: Here we are.
Pregnant woman: Are we at the hospital? Well, how much is it?
Tommy: Aren’t you going into labor?
Pregnant woman: Me? Are you kidding? It’s still a long time before the expected date of childbirth.
Tommy: What? Well, what were you just doing?
Pregnant woman: Oh, I was just practicing! This is my first time to have a baby, you know. Practice makes perfect! I need to be ready so it will go smoothly.
Tommy: Practice! All right… well, the total is one hundred twenty dollars.
Tommy: This woman was so strange! I thought she was going to deliver the baby in my car!
Robber: Get out of here, quickly!
Tommy: A strange pregnant woman just got off my car and now here comes a robber.
Tommy: Where do you want to go?
Robber: Shut up! Just drive!
Tommy: Hey…Hey. Be careful, there’s no eye in bullets.
Robber: Shut up! Just drive your car.
Tommy: Ok! Ok! You are the boss.
Robber: Hum…your gold necklace is very good looking. If it were on my neck, that would be nice.
Tommy: Oh…com…come on, don’t do this to me. This is a fake one. I just try to look tough by wearing it.
Robber: STOP nonsense!! Don’t treat me like a fool, I warn you! I will shoot you!
Tommy: OK! OK! Take it easy. My mouth is sealed.
Robber: .... I don’t want to do this …really… but I have 6 brothers, 7 sisters and 8 kids to feed. I even have to sell chewing gums, raise pigs. The worse of all, my husband just got out of the jail…I really have no choice.
Tommy: Don’t be so sad…. Here is tissue.
Robber: Thank you. Now give me your gold necklace! Hurry up! Do you want to eat bullets!!
Tommy: But…but…but….
Robber: Just hand it to me or I’ll become a really bad guy!!
Tommy: I don’t want to die yet.
The police: Beep~Beep~ stop the car.
Tommy: OH! Thank God! I am safe now! Hey, cop, a robber wants to rob me and….
Police officer: Show me your license and registration.
Tommy: But…sir.…I got a robber in my back….
Police officer: I only watch out for traffic! The public security is not my business.
Tommy: Not your business? But…
Police officer: Here’s your ticket. You were speeding.
Tommy: But I got a robber in my car! She told me if I couldn’t drive fast enough, she’d shoot me.
Police officer: And where is the robber?
Tommy: Just right over….what!! She’s gone; she was here just now….
Police officer: See….your lie is stupid… Remember to take the ticket.
Tommy: Sir! Sir!
Tommy: I’m so unlucky. Today is not my day! Oh, no! How did I come to this middle-of-nowhere? Someone’s waving at me. Who would take a taxi in this strange place?
Tommy: Hello! Serving you is my honor. Where do you want to go? Ghost student: To my home, please.
Tommy: Um…can you say it more clearly? I don’t know where your home is.
Ghost student: Oh, my home is located on Ta-Du Mountain.
Tommy: No problem. Um… it’s an unusual place to live.
Ghost student: Yes. It’s very special. My ancestors all lived here.
Tommy: Oh! You’ve lived here for a long time, right?
Ghost student: That’s right.
Tommy: Here we are, but I don’t see any houses around. By the way, it’s so dark here.
Ghost student: Don’t be so surprised. We’re in the mountain.
Tommy: Are you sure your home is here?
Ghost student: Yes. How much is it?
Tommy: Um…The total is 100 dollars.
Ghost student: I only have a 500 dollars bill.
Tommy: That’s OK, I can give you change.
Ghost student: There you go.
Tommy: Um... What’s this?
Ghost student: Money.
Tommy: But...where did he go? Oh, no!…This is…ghost money…(screaming)


From: http://www.hxen.com/yingyujuben/2012-02-18/168691.html

　　羊肉串和纳税人（英文小品）

　　Characters:
　　Mr. Shi, Xiaofu, Dabao
　　Mr. Shi: Tax is the major source of the fiscal revenue. There is an evident change about the relationship between the tax collector and taxpayer in the past 20 years. Now, the tax collector, Xiaofu, and the tax payer Dabao, a vendor selling Yangrouchuan will show you the very change. The first Act happened in 1980s.

　　Act I

　　(in Bazaar of Beijing, sanlihe, 1980s)
　　Dabao: Yangrouchuan , yangrouchuan, eaten one ,want nine, eaten one, want nine.
　　Hi, Take my yangrouchuan.(slipped, take it up, )
　　Xiaofu: Tax! Pay the tax!
　　Dabao: (change faces)
　　Taxi? Where is the taxi? Here’s no taxi.
　　Xiaofu: Tax! T---A ---X!
　　Dabao: What’s the tax? I just know taxi! Do you want me to call a taxi for you?
　　Taxi----! Taxi----!
　　Xiaofu: Enough! Are you the vendor?
　　Dabao: No , No, No, no! I 'm just have a look. The vendor has gone to the toilet.
　　Xiaofu: Not the vendor ? Impossible! you 've been here for 2 hours.
　　Dabao: Really ? (Xiaofu: Yes, of course.)
　　How do you know it?
　　Xiaofu: The window of my office is open to here and I 've been looking at you for two hours.
　　Dabao: It’s a big bug!
　　Xiaofu: Oh. Don’t waste my time! Please pay the tax---- 10 Yuan!
　　Dabao: 10 yuan?! My god. I had just earned 20 Yuan one day! 5 Yuan, ok?
　　Xiaofu: Don't cheat me, you've sold more than 2 hundred ones.
　　Dabao: 6yuan, my dear sisiter.
　　7Yuan, my lovely beauty.
　　Dabao: Not for you ,not for me, let's split the difference. 8 yuan ,ok ?
　　Xiaofu: (looking around) All right ,a deal. But no receipt.
　　(Dabao payed 8 yuan and Xiaofu left)
　　Dabao: What a smart woman! Bad luck! I’m bankrupt. I have to change my place.
　　Hope I would not meet her any more! Let’s go!

　　Act II

　　Mr. Shi: The next scene happened in new century. China had been marching in the way of the market economy for twenty years more, in the new era of building the well-off society in an all-round way, how do the vendor regard tax as and how is the tax collected? The scene will tell you.
　　Let’s enjoy it!
　　(In the market; Dabao in white clothes ,a board with "NO SARS")
　　Dabao:: Yangrouchuan, yangrouchuan. Eaten one, want nine. Eaten one, want nine.
　　Xiaofu: Hi,
　　Dabao: Hi.
　　Two: What a familiar face.
　　Two: It’s you!
　　Dabao: 10 years past, you are a still a tax collector.
　　Xiaofu: 10 years past, you still sell Yangrouchuan.
　　How is your business?
　　Dabao: Everything is OK!
　　10 years past, you are still beautiful lady in Sanlihe of Beijing.
　　Xiaofu: 10 years past, you and your Yangrouchuan look more clean than 20 years before.
　　Dabao: Thank you. No SARS, no dirtiness; Serve people, serve me.
　　Xiaofu: Great! Have you……
　　Dabao: Married? I ‘m not married; I’m still single.
　　Xiaofu: Have you claimed your tax this month?
　　Dabao: What? Taxi? Oh, tax! Of course. I should pay the tax of 50 Yuan this month and I have claimed at the begin of this month.
　　Xioafu: Your receipt, please.
　　Dabao: (shows the receipt )
　　Here you are, I have paid my tax in the tax service center by computer.
　　Xiaofu: Great! What a good taxpayer you are.
　　Dabao: Thank you. It is my duty. I’m proud of myself to pay the tax for our country.
　　Xiaofu: Yeah! The tax you paid is a share of our country’s economy, and you do a lot for Olympics of Beijing!
　　Dabao: Let’s do it together! . It’s said that, Don't ask what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country. Just like me, sell Yangrouchuan, and pay the Tax for ten years more.
　　Xiaofu: You 're the loveliest people in new century!
　　Dabao: Thank you! And you 're the loveliest tax collector in new era!
　　X: Excuse me, and I have to go now. Bye-bye.
　　D: A moment, are you free tomorrow evening? Could I have a dinner with you?
　　Xiaofu: Well, may I have the company of my husband?
　　Dabao: No, no, no problem. 6 o’clock in the evening, Beichuanyuan, ok?
　　Xiaofu: just a kidding. I have to go home now.(leaves)
　　Dabao, See you tomorrow.
　　Dabao: Hope to see you everyday.

　　The End

---

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