2020-12-12 电影赏析 Fathers and Daughters：探讨如何面对失去与离别

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第二天有DH老师电影分享，11点点开这部电影，猛一抬头，已是深夜，陷入了久久的回忆之中，欢乐与忧伤反复交织，

如何面对人生的重大的失去与离别是每个必修的功课，如果走不出来，会给你一生带来重大伤害，如果走出来，会对人生特别大的成长和祝福.

在自己而立之年，也面对自己至亲之人的猝然离开，巨大的悲痛并不像有些电视中表现的哭天抢地，而是处于一种麻木之中，感觉不到，与世界隔离的状态（就像海边的曼彻斯特男主无法释怀的悲伤），，就像手部外伤，会让人感到疼痛，而断臂会让机体处于一种应激状态，感觉神经已经遭到破坏，我直到第三天起床，来到洗手间，看到亲人物品仍在，不禁跪在地上，呜咽起来。

害怕影响她一生的恐惧是如何开始的

失去，特别是面对突然的失去，被动的失去了最爱的人，让他们无法从巨大的伤痛中走出来。
家庭的出轨，母亲的遽然离世，父亲的遽然离世
原本和睦的家庭场景：

就如开头，当父亲在房间里追赶这 Kitty，大声喊叫这potato chip，家庭的温馨，让我想起，小时候最喜欢的就是自己双臂撑直立于身体两侧，与父亲掌心对掌心，被父亲高高举起。甜蜜的场景依旧浮现在脑海中。

但家庭生活必然充满着冲突，甜蜜与痛苦交织，正如这部电影给我的感受。

seven years，一次的不忠带给家庭的不信任，虽然已经过去七年之久，

所以我可以理解片头罗素克劳和副驾老婆关于出轨的吵架，对于坐在后面的kitty的负面影响其实是很深的。隐约能感到罗素克劳夫妇平时的感情也许并没那么甜蜜，kitty对于婚姻的不安全感应该是有的。

承认从小是对婚姻完全不信任的，无论是父爱和母爱 ，童年的回忆充斥这父母的争吵，记得有一天 夜里姐姐叫醒我说听见声响，一起出门往父母的房间望去，发现父亲因怀疑母亲不忠，实在咽不下这口气，将母亲头部捂在被子下，母亲在下边哀求哽咽，这个场景一直忘不了。那时我才9岁。

正如女主Katie，面对亲密关系，一次次的选择逃避。

The problem now is that
now you're experiencing...

...a manic depressive psychosis

brought on by the accident,
the brain trauma, the loss of your wife.

What concerns me, Jake,
are the seizures,

because those seizures are definitely a sign
of something far more serious.

And if you don't at least try treatment
and give yourself a chance,

you will end up
with a much worse condition.

Like what?

Psychotic breaks.

I would like to strongly suggest
that you consider staying at St. Francis.

I know doctors there. I really recommend
you get treatment for a few weeks.

Maybe even a few months.

A mental hospital?

Come on.

I can't do that. I have a...
I have a daughter to raise.

And that's exactly why you need to,

because you have a daughter to raise.

当医生告知他因为脑部受伤需要离开一段时间时，他选择了直面自己的女儿，

Still your favorite, isn't it?

Yeah.

Hey...

Katie...

I have to go away.

What?

Just for a little while.

How long?

I don't know, just a while.

I wanna come.

Not this time, baby.

You know...

the accident's made me a little bit sick
and I have to get fixed.

I need to be stronger
so I can take care of you.

You do!

Not the way I need to, baby. Okay?

You're gonna go stay with Aunt Elizabeth
and Uncle William

and your cousins ​​in West Chester.

But I don't want you to go!

When I come back
it'll be for good, forever.

It's gonna be fine.

男主解释了原因

并且与她的联系

Hey.
Hi, sweetheart!

Jake. Hi!

Oh, I'm so happy you come to
stay with us.

Say goodbye.

I'll be back soon as I can.

You're my Potato Chip,
You and nobody else, okay?

I love you so much.

I love you, Katie!

Dad!
You're my Potato Chip,You and nobody else, okay?
温暖的言语与告别。
突然发现这部电影没有一个镜头与情节是无关紧要的，在影片的开头就展现了如何面对正确的失去与离别。父亲做了一次离别的教科书示范。

主动的面对失去与离别，不会给女主如此大的伤害

Hey, Katie, wait up.

I Can't believe you're getting a
graduating degree in psychology,

sitting around listening to people
whine about their problems all day.

I like helping people.

You can help me.

I'm lonely as hell.

What could I possibly do
to help you, Evan?

I don't know. We could go out
for a date sometime.

You're a confident man, huh?

Am I? I think so.

So tell me,
what do you really want?

女主获得了graduating degree in psychology，并且选择了社区心理辅导员，整日听人倾诉他们的问题，听起来似乎很无聊（sitting around listening to people whine about their problems all day.），但女主却很喜欢，有种说法说，读心理学的都是希望内心得到医治，在某种程度上说，这种说法是对的。

25 Years Later.
Do you wanna date me,
or do you wanna fuck me?

'cause I'm fine either way.

What happened to your confidence?

Can I see you again?

No, man.

Why'd you do that if you don't
wanna see me again?

I didn't have to time
to work out today.

See you around, Evan.

Which one's your favorite?

You can just point.

I like the cat.
But that's just me.

Lucy, I know you're scared.

But you're in a really
safe place, okay?

And I wanna be here to help you.

I promise you that.

I...

...don't love.

But you have loved.

Yeah, a long time ago once.

So you know that you can love?

I'm... There's nothing in here.
There's nothing.

It's like... It's an empty well.
It's...

just dry and barren.

Is that why you sleep with all these men?

you continue to do it.

So how does it make you feel?

Pretty?

It makes me feel...

It makes me feel... something,

because most of the time
I feel nothing.

And these are men that
you don't even like.

Right.

So what would you do if you met a man
that you actually did like?

I don't know.

Probably make him regret the day
he laid eyes on me.

I don't know.

Probably make him regret the day he laid eyes on me.

Hey.

You know...

Normally I would never approach
someone like you, but...

I heard a rumor.

What rumor?

Um... That my literary idol and
your father are the same person.

I don't know if that's true.

So they lied to me?

Who?

My friends, they're liars.
You're not Potato Chip?

Sorry.

I can't really hear you.
Can we move?

Yeah.

Where...

What were you babbling about?

Nice. Um...

Jake Davis,

he wrote my favorite book,
of all time, "Fathers and Daughters".

Wow. It's a popular book?

Yeah.

I know. It's just been with me
ever since I was a little kid.

It...

literally changed my life. So...

Hi. My name's Cameron.

I'm Katie.

Katie?

Yes.

As in, "Kate Davis"?

You're the real Kate Davis?

How close is the book to what
actually happened?

It's a lot funnier in the book.

Okay.

Is this your thing?
You go out, alone, no friends?

Sometimes I really just...
I prefer being alone.

It's a lot easier.

So what do you do?

I'm a social worker.
I work with kids with problems.

I like it.

So how do you get by?

I'm a freelance writer
for a few newspapers

and starting my first book.

What's it called?

Uh... "Two is the Perfect Number."

Is that a love story?

Uh... Yeah. Kind of.

This is me.

Wow, this is really nice!

Perfect for a Potato Chip.

Well, you're never seeing
my apartment.

I'm... well, not the would...
This is a... date or... anything but... uh

What are you doing tomorrow?

Why?

Well, so we can continue
this conversation.

I was, you know, running.

I can run.

Okay.

Um...

Meet me up here at four.

Four? Okay.

Um... Sweet... Sweet dreams.

Sweet dreams to you too,
Cameron.

Hey.

You know...

Normally I would never approach
someone like you, but...

I heard a rumor.

What rumor?

Um... That my literary idol and
your father are the same person.

I don't know if that's true.

So they lied to me?

Who?

My friends, they're liars.
You're not Potato Chip?

Sorry.

I can't really hear you.
Can we move?

女主一开始本不想和Cameron有过多交往，直到他提及potato chip，唤起了女主小时被爱的画面，随即正常的沟通，与一开头Do you wanna date me,
or do you wanna fuck me?轻浮言语形成对比。

受过伤的女主不仅在亲密关系中无法进入，平常也都是独来独往，很少有朋友进入她的生活。正如整个影片没有涉及女主有任何朋友 。

Jake.

William.

Ah, thanks for coming.

I'm sorry. I hear about your book.

It must've been rough the way
the criticism pegged down to you.

Yeah, well, you know...

I don't know why God invented cockroaches
or literary critics. I'm sure he had his reasons.

Well, you know, I mean,
they just hated it.

I mean, they actively hated it.
How do you get passed on like that?

Well, you know, pick a cellphone,
the self-affluent.

That kind of thing.

You know, have you even noticed...

that you're shaking.

The last time we met, it looked to me like
you were about to have a seizure.

And I... I admit,

I mean I was disturbed to see you still
wrestling with an impulses you can't control

even after all that time
in the hospital.

The book's prove, Jake.

You're not ready for the real world.
You're not cut out to be a father.

You just give Katie to somebody
actually can take care of her.

Tell your kid that you love her,
and then you can't do what's best for her.

That's hypocrisy at the worst.

Carl, just not so much left-hand.

That's funny, man.
That's funny.

You're in deep shit now.

Nice move.

You'd better mind.
He's mannerless.

如何才是对孩子比较好，一方是家庭条件优越 婚姻幸福（当时来看）的姨妈家，还是身处财务危机，面临不可何时癫痫发作的的父亲，两者都非常爱女主Katie，

如果你是那个小孩，你希望选择哪个家庭呢

如果你是那个父母，你会做出如何选择呢

这个问题我也不知道如何回答，

You wanna know what made me
decide to become a writer?

Really stick to it?

Well, when I was in Kenya,

one morning I woke up
and jumped out of the car, to pee,

and... I was face to face with a lion.

Really?

Yeah, I know, for real.

I mean, a male lion
about 15 feet in front of me

just staring straight at me.

I mean, he was clearly telling me
that I was his.

What'd you do?

I didn't do anything.
I was frozen.

I mean, I physically could not move.

You know, he stared at me for
a few more moments and he just...

walked right past me.

I will never forget that moment,
you know.

I realized that no more plan B,

no documentary, no veterinarian,

no Harvard.

I just wanted to do what
I always dreamed of, you know?

I wanted to write, you know?

I wanted to write as if every page I was writing on
was the last page before I die.

You know? I wanna...

I wanna leave something behind.

You know? I wanna...

I wanna leave my mark,
because you know what,

sooner or later, in one form or another,
a lion is just gonna come and get us all.

I'm so glad that he let you live.

Yeah, so am I.

So am I.

Coming to bed?

Yeah, in a bit.

I have something for you.

Hmm?

What?

What is this?

It's the original.

To Katie, My Potato Chip,

who I love more
than the last number.

Katie I can't accept this.

I want you to have it.

It's a good luck charm.

It's for you.

I realized that no more plan B,

no documentary, no veterinarian,

no Harvard.

Yeah, so am I.

So am I.

Coming to bed?

Yeah, in a bit.

I have something for you.

Hmm?

What?

What is this?

It's the original.

To Katie, My Potato Chip,

who I love more
than the last number.

Katie I can't accept this.

I want you to have it.

It's a good luck charm.

It's for you.

如何面对恐惧，其实Katie的对亲密关系当中最大的阻碍就是面对恐惧，从这里能看到Katie清晰的成长线，从Potato chip唤起小时候的美好记忆愿意与男友开启这段关系，到男友Cameron分享与狮子面对面时候的场景，让她有了面对亲密关系的勇气，并把自己最珍贵的父亲遗留下来的手稿交给了Cameron。

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Wow, look at those teeth.

I bet you all the other dinosaurs didn't
wanna bump into this guy at dinner time.

Miss your mom?

Me too.

Hey...

You know you were the great joy
in light of your mom's life,

just like you're the great
joy in light of mine.

I really miss her.

Ooh, of course you do.

Of course you do.

But you know what?

Your mom is wherever you are.

She's in this room right now.

She's watching over us.

She's looking down.

She's got a big smile on her face
and she's so proud.

She's so proud of you baby.

'cause she can see the intelligent,
caring, beautiful little girl you are.

Yeah.

Baby.

Are you going to die?

Not for a very very long time,

when I'm an old old old man.

How old?

Well, probably about...

a thousand.

Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe a million,
if I stop eating hot dogs.

Daddy?

I will be such an old man, all right?

You'll have your own house
and your own husband.

You'll have a whole
bunch of kids.

You'll have a dog and a cat

and everybody will be running around
putting ketch-up on everything.

Promise.

I promise.

Pinky swear?

Pinky swear.

男主承诺自己不会突然离开她（但之后却...）

What do you think about when
you think about your mom?

It's just me.

Scared.

Scared, why?

I miss her so much.

And I'm so...

Mad at her for dying?

她的母亲突然离开她，她的感受是愤怒，是因为痛苦，失去爱的痛苦。

I love you Katie.

I love you like I never
loved anyone else.

You know, not everyone that
loves you is going to leave you.

I know that here,

but I don't know it here.

You should go and find some uncomplicated
girl to love and stop wasting it on me

Oh.

I like wasting it on you.

女主Katie 无法去爱人
I know that here（头脑中理解）,but I don't know it here.（本能如同直面狮子般充满恐惧）

girl to love and stop wasting it on me。

她听到了那首歌，喜乐营里有首音乐，
喜乐营才是你受伤时候的安慰，你要问自己，我的喜乐营里有什么？你越清楚， 你越能够走出伤痛

通过音乐，喜乐的核心记忆，找到回喜乐营的路，

因为愤怒再次被抛弃，
安慰她，建立人生的自信，给她告别，正确的面对离开，正确的面对失去，结束这段关系。

女主终于明白了Lucy的愤怒，正如当时突然面对父亲离开的自己，没有告别的句号，这种伤痛只会无限蔓延，Lucy和女主一样背负着这种痛苦与愤怒踽踽独行。

女主与Lucy正式的告别，帮助她开启新的旅程，并感受到了父亲的爱与自己的告别。

女住最终明白了，

当正确面对失去的时候，就克服了害怕的连接，开始成熟了，有勇气去面对失去的时候，开始成熟，在帮助Lucy的时候，她也可以和父亲勇敢告别了，知道父亲的书就是和她告别的方式，然后她就有心力去追求她的真爱。Lucy也有心力去追求新的生活。

Katie追寻她的真爱！

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