急急！！！！！！搞笑的英文笑话。越搞笑越好，越多越好。有奖励的

求一则英语幽默笑话 短一点 越搞笑越好~

My name is Smith Bill,you can call me S.B.

　一句话英语笑话一：Thisismyseat

　　It was a woman’s first time on a plane. She boarded the plane and found
herself a window seat.

　　After she settled in, a man came over and insisted that she was in his
seat. She ignored him and told him to go away.

　　"Okay," replied the man. "If that’s the way you want it, you fly the
plane."


　　一句话英语笑话二：Whatabigdeal

　　A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful
office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to
appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big
deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

　　Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said,
"Sure. I’ve come to install the phone."


　　一句话英语笑话三：Onehundredpercent

　　Patient: Doctor, please tell me the truth. What are my chances of
recovery?

　　Doctor: Just one hundred percent! Statistics show that only nine out of ten
die of the disease. Now nine of my patients have already died of it. You are the
tenth!（微信关注 逗笑库 看更多精彩笑话）

Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行".
Let me take it down

An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."

为我所用
一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。
英文笑话:A guy is not getting along with his wife. He thinks maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot."
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understood every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird. "
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked I'll tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer, can't you?"
"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy ... and I am especially good at ornithology. You ought to buy me. I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the price tag. "$200!" he says. "I can't afford that."
"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20 -- just make an offer."
Guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He's funny, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, gives good advice. Guy is delighted.
One day guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "pssst," and motions him over with one wing. Guy goes up close to the cage.
"I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your wife and the mailman..."
"What?" says the guy. "What?"
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then the mailman came into the house and lifted up the nightgown and began petting her all over," reports the parrot.
"Oh No!" the guy says, "Then what?"
"Then he lifted up the nightgown, got down on his knees and began to lick her body, starting with her breasts and slowly going down and down ..."
The parrot pauses for a long time.
"Then what....what happened Next...WHAT HAPPENED?" says the frantic guy.
"I don't know," says the Parrot, "I fell off my perch."

Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行".
Let me take it down

An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."

为我所用
一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。

有位大叔到美国去，因为临时突击的英语，所以不够用。
一天他到商店买东西，琢磨半天，对售货员说，“嘛好吃（mu how ch）”，售货员没听懂；他想了想，又说“好吃吗（how ch mu）”，还是没懂；“吃嘛好（ch mu how）”，售货员更晕了。
最后还是旁边的售货员机灵，知道大叔是问价钱，这才买了东西。
买完，走到门口，急急忙忙的，不小心撞了位美国绅士，这回大叔挺自信，说“i am sorry（对不起）”，美国绅士也讲礼貌，回一句“i am sorry too（我也对不起）”。大叔就迷惑了，怎么还two(二)呢？心说一定是讲客气，要按照数字一个个加，于是笑着说“i am sorry three（对不起三）”。美国绅士楞了一下，问“what are you sorry for（你为什么道歉）”，大叔不假思索，说：“i am sorry five（对不起五）”

一对恋人在自习室里一起学英文，突然女孩想放屁，但又不好意思，于是急中生智问男孩：“你想听布谷鸟是怎样叫吗？”男孩点头。女孩模仿：“咕咕，咕咕。”乘机把屁放了。女孩问：“好听吗？”男孩答：“放屁声太大，没听到。”女孩很不好意思，遂指着书上的三个单词，男孩念到：“peace war found（屁是我放的）”。

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