英语笑话，五年级，

短英文笑话（五年级）~

TOM'S EXCUSE

Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?

Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".

汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"

DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?

One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?"
"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself," said Tim.

你爸爸帮你了吗？

一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说："蒂姆，你这次的作业全都做对了，怎么回事？你爸爸帮你做了吗？"
"不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。"

　　Violin Lessons
　　"Daddy, can I learn to play the violin?" young Sarah asked her father. She was always asking for things and her father was not very pleased.
　　"You cost me a lot of money, Sarah," he said. "First you wanted to learn horse riding, then dancing, then swimming. Now it's the violin.
　　"I'll play every day, Daddy." Sarah said. "I'll try very hard.
　　"All right," her father said. "This is what I'll do. I'll pay for you to have lessons for six weeks. At the end of six weeks you must play something for me. If you play well, you can have more lessons. If you play badly, I will stop the lessons."
　　"0. K. Daddy," Sarah said. "That is fair.
　　He soon found a good violin teacher and Sarah began her lessons. The teacher was very expensive, but her father kept his promise.
　　The six weeks passed quickly. The time came for Sarah to play for her father.
　　She went to the living room and said, "I'm ready to play for you, Daddy.
　　"Fine, Sarah," her father said. "Begin.
　　She began to play. She played very badly. She made a terrible noise.
　　Her father had one of his friends with him, and the friend put his hands over his ears.
　　When Sarah finished, her father said, "Well done, Sarah. You can have more lessons."
　　Sarah ran happily out of the room. Her father's friend turned to him. "You've spent a lot of money, but she still plays very badly. he said.
　　"Well, that's true," her father said. "But since she started learning the violin I've been able to buy five apartments in this build very cheaply. In another six weeks I'll own the whole building!"


　　小提琴课
　　“爸爸，我能学拉小提琴吗？”小莎拉问她的父亲。她总是要东西，因此她爸爸很不高兴。
　　“你花了我很多钱，莎拉，”他说，“开始你想学骑马，然后想学跳舞，然后是游泳。现在又想学拉小提琴。”
　　“我会每天都拉的，爸爸，”莎拉说，“我会认真练的。”
　　“好吧，”她爸爸说。“下面是我要做的：我会为你付六个星期的小提琴课的钱，六个星期后你必须拉首曲子给我听。如果你拉得很好，你可以继续上小提琴课，要是你拉得很差，你就不要再学了。”
　　“行。爸爸，”莎拉说，“这很公平。”
　　他很快就找到了一个好的小提琴老师，莎拉就开始学拉提琴了。尽管学费很高，但她爸爸遵守了诺言。
　　六个星期很快就过去了。该莎拉拉提琴给爸爸听了。
　　她走进起居室说：“我准备好拉提琴给你听了。”
　　“好哇，莎拉，”她爸爸说。“开始吧。”
　　她开始拉了。她拉得很差，发出了可怕的嗓音。她爸爸身旁有位朋友，朋友用手捂着耳朵。
　　莎拉拉完一曲，她父亲说：“拉得好，莎拉。你可以继续学琴了。”
　　莎拉高兴地跑出门去。她父亲的朋友对他说：“你已经花了不少钱了，但她还是拉得很差。”
　　“噢，的确如此，”她爸爸说，“但自从她开始学小提琴，我就可以很便宜地买下这幢楼的五个公寓。再过六周，我就可以拥有整幢楼啦！”
　　希望采纳！

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I
gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But
why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“
昨天给你的钱干什么了？
”

“
我给了一个可怜的老太婆，
”
他回答说。

“
你真是个好孩子，
”
妈妈骄傲地说。
“
再
给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？
”

“
她是个卖糖果的。
”

Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a
bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:
(1) inform v.
告诉

(2) nest n.
窝；巢

(3) description n.
描述

(4) encourage v.
鼓励

(5) resemble v.
相似；类似

18.
鸟窝与头发

我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外

的树上垒了
个窝。

“
是什么鸟呢？
”
我姐姐问她。

“
我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。
”
那孩子回答说。

“
那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？
”
我姐姐鼓励她道。

“
哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。
”

I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.
有毒的

(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue
因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。

句中

Cause
是

Because
的缩略形式。

我刚咬破自己的舌头

“
我们有毒吗？
”
一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“
是的，亲爱的，
”
她回答说，
“
你问这个干什么？
”

“
因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。
”

A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central
Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from
behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her
momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however,
she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said,
"Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

摔倒的女人

上下班高峰期，
我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。
接近门口，
一位肥胖
的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。
她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。
我正准备扶她，
她却自己爬了起来。
她镇定了一下，
对我挤了一下眉，说道：
“
总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？
”

英语笑话（一）

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。
但除此之
外呢，
那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，
而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。
这个答案很有意
思吧？

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?

如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，
他肯定会生气的；
而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡
眼，他会更生气。
Corn
既可以表示
“
玉米
/
谷物
”
，也有
“
鸡眼
”
的意思。

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

因为
snail
（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的
生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

一看到
make faces
这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼
脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

怎样才能不让梦游者（
sleepwalker
）梦游（
walk in his sleep
）呢？最简单的方
法就是不让他睡觉。
虽然这不是治疗方法，
但如果让梦游者醒着呢，
他的确就不
会去梦游了。

英语笑话（二）

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一个大人物

--
我叔叔下面有
1000
个人。

--
他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
--
墓地守墓人。

英语笑话（三）

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her
daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her
daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully
to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the
money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它们是从美国直接带来的

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。
在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：
“
相信我，先生，也请你相
信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。
”

英语笑话（四）
my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人：哦，

亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。
”

英语笑话（五）
Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

给我那个打赢的吧

--
服务员，

这个龙虾只有一只爪。

--
对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。

--
哦，

那给我那个打赢的吧。

英语笑话（六）
The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a
friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell
with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。
他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家
时说：
“
你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，
再用你的脚把门推开。
”

“
为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？
”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。

---

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