需要一篇不超过3分钟的英语演讲稿，要幽默有趣，中英对照！？

求一篇幽默有趣的 英语演讲稿 要求：八年级水平 要中文翻译 3分钟左右~

An Alarm Clock
A young man went to a mountain village for his holiday. One night he stayed at a small hotel near a train station.
Before going to bed, he went to the owner of the hotel and said to the old man, “ Excuse me, sir. Will you please wake me up at a quarter to five? I'm going to take the five o'clock train tomorrow morning. ”
“ Oh, sorry, ” the owner said, “ I am afraid I can't. I don't get up that early. ”
The young man started to go back to his room when he stopped and asked, “ Do you have an alarm clock? That would help me. ”
“ Yes, here it is, young man. ”
The young man took the clock happily and thanked the old man. But when he looked at it carefully, there appeared to be something wrong with it.
“ Does it ring on time? ” he asked the old man.
“ Sure! Just shake it when it's time to get up, and it'll ring. ”
一只闹钟
一个年轻人到一个山村去度假。那天夜里，他住宿在火车站附近的一个旅馆里。
上床睡之前，他对旅馆老板——一个老头儿说：“对不起，先生，请问您能在五点差一刻叫醒我吗？我明天早晨要乘五点的火车。”
“哦，很抱歉”，旅馆老板说，“恐怕不行，我不可能起那么早。”
年轻人正想回到房间去，又停住了问：“那你有闹钟吗？或许它能帮助我。”
“我有，给你，年轻人。”
年轻人很高兴地拿了闹钟，谢了老头儿。但当他仔细查看了闹钟后，发现似乎有毛病。
“它能准时闹吗？”他问老头儿。
“那当然！时间一到，你摇一摇，他就会响的。”

If There Were No After Life
Whether there’s afterlife, the answer has never been the same. The atheists deny after life, believing that our life is no more than from the cradle to the grave. They may care about their illustrious names after death; they may feel attached to the affection of their offspring, but they never lay their hopes on their afterlife. They may also say that good will be rewarded with good, and evil with evil, but they don’t really believe any retribution in their after life.


However, in the religious world or among the superstitious people, the belief in afterlife is very popular. They do not only believe in afterlife, but thousands of reincarnations as well. In the mysterious world, there are the paradise and the hell, the celestial beings and the gods, the Buddha and the Bodhisattvas.


Maybe they really believed it, or maybe they just wanted to make use of people’s veneration, the ancient emperors always declared that they were the real dragons, the sons of God, while the royal ministers claimed to be the reincarnations of various constellations. But can the stars reincarnate?


Many people burn incense and kowtow, do good deeds and strive for virtues, not just for the present, but mainly to let God see their sincerity so as to be reborn into a better afterlife, or to achieve the highest enlightenment after several lives of practice. They do believe in afterlife. But I can’t help asking: Suppose there were no afterlife, would you still do good deeds and strive for virtues? And If God does not see what you are doing, would you still be so upright and selfless? If you work, not for serving the public and liberating the others, but just for a better afterlife of your own, isn’t it a little too selfish? Comparing with this kind of believers, those who don’t believe in afterlife, but still keep doing good deeds, are the most sincere and honest philanthropists, because they do them not for themselves but for other.


You may wonder if I believe in afterlife. My answer is: I know nothing about my previous life, so I dare not make improper comments on afterlife. But I do hope there’s afterlife! Because our present life is so short that so many things slip away before our proper understanding. I have so many dreams, so many wishes, so many ambitions, as well as so many regrets and concerns. If there were no afterlife, all of them will remain unrealized!


I’m not contented with the present commonplace life, I’m very much attached to the affections that should have been mine but have been washed away by the hurrying time, and I yearn for the perfection and maturity if I could start all over again. So believe it or not, I’d rather there were afterlife.

假如没有来世

有没有来世，众说纷纭。无神论者，不相信来世。他们认为从生到死，仅此而已。他们可能在意身后的英名，他们可能留恋后代的亲情，但他们不寄希望于来世。他们也会说善有善报，恶有恶报，但并不相信下辈子报应什么。

在宗教领域、或在一些迷信的人群，来世之说比较盛行。不仅是来世，甚至会认为有千百次的轮回。在那未知而飘渺的世界，有天堂，有地狱，有神族，有仙界，有菩萨、有佛祖。

也许真的相信、也许是为了利用人们的敬畏心里，古代的帝王们总是宣称自己是真龙天子，大臣们则标榜为天上的什么文曲星、武曲星或太白金星转世。星星能转世吗？

许多人烧香、磕头，行善、修德，并不都是为了眼前，而是为了让上天看见自己的真诚，以便下辈子有个好的托生，或者几世之后能修成正果。这些人自然是相信来世的。但我不禁要问：如果没有来世，你们会不会一样行善、修德呢？如果神灵看不见，你们是否也会公正无私呢？如果不是为了解脱他人和服务大众才去修行，如果仅仅是为了自己将来托生好才去行善，是否有些自私呢？比较起来，那些不相信来世而又坚持行善的人，则应该是最真、最诚的大善。因为他们不是为自身，而是为公理。

也许有人会问作者，你相信来世吗？我的回答是：我不知道前生，因而也不敢妄谈后世。但我真的希望能有来世！因为这辈子时间太短，许多事情都是在还没弄明白的时候，就已经匆匆过去了。我有那么多的理想，我有那么多的心愿，我有那么多的奢望，我有那么多的遗憾，我有那么多的牵挂，我有那么多的雄心壮志，如果没有来世，那就一切皆空了。

我不甘心眼前的碌碌无为，我留恋被岁月冲走的本应属于我的亲情，更向往从头再来的完美和成熟。为此，信也好，不信也好，我宁愿有来世。

Ladies and Gentlemen, Good morning! I’m very glad to stand here and give you a short speech. Man’s life is a process of growing up, actually I’m standing here is a growth. If a person’s life must constituted by various choices, then I grow up along with these choices. Once I hope I can study in a college in future, however that’s passed, as you know I come here, now I wonder what the future holds for me. When I come to this school, I told to myself: this my near future, all starts here. Following I will learn to become a man, a integrated man, who has a fine body, can take on important task, has independent thought, an open mind, intensive thought, has the ability to judge right and wrong, has a perfect job. Once my teacher said :” you are not sewing, you are stylist; never forget which you should lay out to people is your thought, not craft.” I will put my personality with my interest and ability into my study, during these process I will combine learning with doing. If I can achieve this “future”, I think that I really grow up. And I deeply believe kindred, good-fellowship and love will perfection and happy in the future. How to say future? Maybe it’s a nice wish. Lets make up our minds, stick to it and surely well enjoy our life. 中文大意: 女士们，先生们，上午好。我很高兴在这里为大家作一个简短的讲话。 人的一生是一个成长的过程，事实上，我现在站在这里也是一次成长。如果一个人的一生必须面临不同的选择，那么我就是伴随着这些选择成长起来的。曾经我盼望将来能上大学，然而那已经过去了，现在我在这儿，只想知道我的未来会是什么样的。 当我来到这所学校，我告诉我自己：我不久的将来都从这里开始。接着我要学习如何做人，如何做一个正直的人，并且拥有一个健康的体魄，能承担重要的任务，能独立思考，思想开放，心思缜密，有判断是非的能力，有一份不错的工作。 我的老师曾经告诉我说：“你不是在修补而是在创造；永远不要忘记你向人们所展示的是你的思想，而不是你的手艺。”我会将我的性格，兴趣爱好和能力一起融入到学习中去。在这过程中，我边学习边实践。如果我能实现这个“未来”，我就认为我真的成长了。并且我深信我的亲人，好朋友以及爱会使我的未来更完美，更幸福。 如何来解释未来呢? 也许那只是一个美好的愿望。让我们下定决心，坚持到底，那我们的人生一定能过得很精彩。参考资料： http://edu.cctv.com/special/C18924/04/index.shtml

要一篇不超过三分钟的英语讲演稿，而且还要风趣幽默的，还得中英对照的，很困难。

Ladies and Gentlemen , Good afternoon! I’m very glad to stand here and give you a short speech. today my topic is “youth”. I hope you will like it , and found the importance in your youth so that more cherish it. 　　First I want to ask you some questions: 　　1、Do you know what is youth? 　　2、How do you master your youth? 　　Youth is not a time of life, it is a state of mind ; it is not rosy cheeks , red lips and supple knees, it is a matter of the emotions : it is the freshness ; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life . Youth means a temperamental divdominance of courage over timidity of the appetite , for adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of 60 more than a boy of 20 . Nobody grows old merely by a number of years . We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years wrinkle the skin , but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul . Worry , fear , self -distrust bows the heart and turns the spirit back to dust . Whether 60 of 16 , there is in every human being ‘s heart the lure of wonders, the unfailing childlike appetite of what’s next and the joy of the game of living . In the center of your heart and my heart there’s a wireless station : so long as it receives messages of beauty , hope ,cheer, courag先生们，下午好！我很高兴站在这里给你一个简短的发言。今天我的主题是“青年” 。我希望你能喜欢它，并发现的重要性在您的青年，使更多的珍惜。首先，我要问你几个问题： 1 ，你知道什么是青年？ 2 ，你如何掌握你的青春？青年是不是时间的生活，这是一种精神状态，它是不是玫瑰色的脸颊，红嘴唇，柔软的膝盖，这是一个情感：它是新鲜，这是新鲜的深海温泉的生活。青年是指气质divdominance了胆怯的勇气的食欲，对冒险的爱缓解。这往往存在于一个人的60多岁的男孩20 。没有人成长岁仅仅数年之久。我们变老的逃兵我们的理想。多年的皮肤起皱，但放弃热情皱纹的灵魂。担心，恐惧，自我信任弓箭的心脏和曲折的精神回尘埃。无论是60 16 ，但在每个人的心脏的诱惑奇观，食欲的不懈稚气的下一步和欢乐的游戏生活。在中心的心脏，我的心里有一个无线电台：只要它接收邮件的美丽，希望，欢呼，

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