寻找功力深厚的英语冷笑话，拜托了啊

急 英语冷笑话~

　　One day ,a little penguin ask his grandmother,"grandma,grandma,am i a penguin?'"yeah,you are certainly a penguin!'The little ask his father again,"dad,dad,am i a penguin??""yes,you are a penguin,what's the matter??""but,why am i feel so cold????"


　　There is this guy and this girl and they want to have sex. So they go to the girls house and before entering the girl stops the guy and says.

　　"My little sister sleeps on the bottom bunk of our bunk bed and I do not want her to know what we are doing, so when I say `baloney` it means push harder, and when I say `pastrami` it means push slower."

　　With this the two get onto the top bunk and have sex. First, the girl moans, "baloney,baloney,baloney" then shouts "pastrami,pastrami,pastrami" and then back to "baloney,baloney,baloney"

　　Finally, the girls sister says "Will you guys quit making sandwiches up there, you`re getting mayonaise all over me!"

　　1

　　Q: Why did the man throw a bucket of water out the window?

　　A: He wanted to see the waterfall.


　　2

　　Q: Why did the man throw the butter out the window?

　　A: He wanted to see the butterfly.


　　3

　　Q: Why did the man put the clock in the safe?

　　A: He wanted to save time.


　　4

　　Q: What has two hands and a face, but no arms and legs?

　　A: A clock.


　　5

　　Q: What has a neck, but no head?

　　A: A bottle.


　　6

　　Q: Where is the ocean the deepest?

　　A: On the bottom.


　　7

　　Q: Why did the man throw his watch out of the window?

　　A: He wanted to see time fly.


　　one car come, one car come
　　two car pangpang
　　one car die


　　four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. the nurse comes up to the first man and says, "congratulations, you got twins." the man said "how strange, i'm the manager of minnesota twins." after awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "congratulations, you got triplets." man was like "hmmm, strange i worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "congratulations, you got twins x2." man is happy and says, "ironic, i work for the hotel "4 seasons." all three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing god and banging his head on the wall. they asked him what's wrong and he answered, "what's wrong? i work for 7up"!四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3m公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"呵呵,一个比一个效率高.osama bin laden, a canadian, and president bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. they rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "i will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." the canadian said, "i am a father and my son will be a farmer so i want the soil in canada to be forever fertile." the genie said the magic words and the wish came true. osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. president bush said "genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” it’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." president bush said,” wow! that’s a big bridge...fill it with water!!! 拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!"my baby swallowed a bulletyoung mother: "doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. what shall i do ?doctor: "don't point him at anybody."notes1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹2. to point at: 对...瞄准个中意味自己体会吧 :)allybabyonce two hunters went hunting in the forest. one of them suddenly fell down by accident. he showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. the other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. the operator said calmly:"first, you should make sure that he is already dead." then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"what should i do next?" 两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？” fool_fox 标题：i'm the boss内容：the boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "i'm the boss". he then taped it to his office door.later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "your wife called, she wants her sign back!" note:staff meeting:员工会议再来一个：wife's picturea businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.after he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. after he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.the bartender says, "look, buddy, i'll bring you martinis all night long. but you go to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."the customer replies, "i'm peeking at a photo of my wife.when she starts to look good, then i know it's time to go home." note:tavern 酒馆, 客栈martini 马提尼酒peek/pi;k/ n.一瞥, 匆忙看过v.偷看

冷笑话
black humor

一个小伙子走近一个姑娘背后，用手蒙住她的眼 睛说：“如果你猜不出我是谁，那你就让我吻一下。快 说三个名字吧！” “路易十六？……不对？维克多·雨果？……拿 破仑？还是不对吗？那么你赢了！”

sperm said: shit！

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武江区15557189967： 寻找功力深厚的英语冷笑话,拜托了啊？
施珠健胃： 一个小伙子走近一个姑娘背后,用手蒙住她的眼 睛说:“如果你猜不出我是谁,那你就让我吻一下.快 说三个名字吧!” “路易十六?……不对?维克多·雨果?……拿 破仑?还是不对吗?那么你赢了!”

武江区15557189967： 帮忙找一下关于英语的小笑话!拜托了!^ - ^ - ？
施珠健胃： 没太明白楼主的意思 中文笑话?还是英文的?如果是中文笑话的话 找到一个关于日语的 一中国男士在英国观光时突然拉肚子,他赶紧跑进公厕里~~~~终于解决了,他得意的哼着歌走出来,却发现一大群人惊奇的看着他.他这才发现,原来自己慌乱间进了女厕. “怎么办,出丑了,可不能给中国人丢脸啊,”反应迅速的他立刻装出一脸*笑,一个90度鞠躬,大喊一声: “撒由那拉,byebye~~~”然后大摇大摆地走了.后面围观的人群皱着眉头表情厌恶地嘟囔:“Oh,****~~~~Japenese!!!”

武江区15557189967： 帮我找一些英语小笑话和短文,急用,拜托？
施珠健胃： 你等着发工资吧 If you are alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. If you need money... wait for your salary.

武江区15557189967： 谁能给我讲几个英语笑话?越搞笑越好,冷笑话也行,最好能翻译一下,拜托各位？
施珠健胃： A teacher asked her class ,＂ Is the sentence `The ox(公牛)and the cow(母牛)are inthe fields'correct＂ Most of the children said,＂Yes,that is right!＂ And only one little boy said,＂No,it is not correct ,The lady must be mentioned first.＂ 译: 一个老师问他的学生.“田里的 公牛在母牛的

武江区15557189967： 求英语笑话短文一篇 - ？
施珠健胃： Best RewardA naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.＂The best way, sir,＂ said the deck hand, ＂is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, ...

武江区15557189967： 帮我找几篇英语笑话？
施珠健胃： A driver is stopped by a police officer. The driver asks, ＂What's the problem officer?＂ Officer: ＂You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.＂ Man: ＂No sir, I was going 65.＂ Wife: ＂Oh, Harry. You were going 80.＂ (The man gives his wife a dirty ...

武江区15557189967： 拜托大家了!找一个单词简单,好记,而又很短的英语笑话!说的好,再加分1 - ？
施珠健胃： 2.一个中国人在外国目睹了一场交通事故,警察前来取证,这个人描述:One car come one car go,two car peng peng,one car die… Let me take it down An elephant said to a mouse ,＂no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that ...

武江区15557189967： 求一篇50词的英语笑话和翻译,拜托拜托^ω^ - ？
施珠健胃： I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: ＂Wake up, sir!＂＂I wasn't asleep,＂ ...

武江区15557189967： 求一篇20句以上的英语笑话,急用？
施珠健胃：Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution. The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the bestpatients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go.