一篇英语短文

求一篇英语短文~

Wake up! Wake up! It's time for sleeping pills!
醒来！醒来！现在该吃安眠药了！

The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"
"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了？”
“我来试试看，”一位老太太说。
“该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。”

Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
疯人院
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"

Improvement
One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"
"Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."
进步
一位学生对另一位说：“你的英语最近学的怎么样？”
“很好，我过去不懂英国人说话，可现在是英国人不懂我的话了。”

Half or Five Tenths?
Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?
Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.
Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.
Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.
半个还是十分之五
老师：你愿意要半个柑橘，还是十分之五个柑橘？
杰拉得：我宁可要半个。
老师：仔细想想，说出理由来。
杰拉得：因为你如果把柑橘切成十分之五，那柑橘汁就损失太多了。

The Reason of Being Late
Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.
迟到的原因
老 师：约翰尼，为什么你每天早晨都迟到？
约翰尼：每当我经过学校附近的拐角处，就见路牌上写着‘学校－缓行’。

When Do People Talk Least?
Student A: When do people talk least?
Student B: In February.
Student A: Why?
Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.
人们什么时候说话最少？
学生甲：人们在什么时候说话最少？
学生乙：在二月。
学生甲：为什么呢？
学生乙：因为二月是一年中最短的一个月。

The plural Form of "Child"
Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?
Tom: Men.
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
Tom: Twins.
"孩子"的复数形式
老师：汤姆，‘男人’这个词的复数形式是什么？
汤姆：男人们。
老师：答得好。那‘孩子’的复数形式呢？
汤姆：双胞胎。

All Except the Music
A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and ices. Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today?"
"Oh, yes, miss!" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."
除了音乐
一位热心的年轻教师想让她的学生多了解一点优秀的古典音乐，就安排了一天下午去听音乐会。为了使这次活动能给大家留下更深的印象，她请大家喝柠檬汽水、吃点心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回来上汽车的时候，她问小萨莉：“你今天玩得好吗？”
“噢，好极了，小姐，” 萨莉说，“除了音乐其它都很好。”

My Sister's Fingers
Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?
Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.
Teacher: I don't see any bandages.
Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.
我妹妹的手指头
老师：凯温，这次你怎么又迟到了？
凯温：对不起，老师，我在家钉钉子，砸坏了两个手指头。
老师：怎么没有扎绷带呀？
凯温：噢，砸的不是我的手指头，我叫小妹妹扶着钉子的。

The Climate of New Zealand
Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?
Matthew: Very Cold, sir.
Teacher: Wrong.
Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!
新西兰的气候
老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样？
马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。
老师：错了。
马修：可是，先生！从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。

Lightning
Teacher: Why is it said that lightning never strikes the same place twice?
Roy: Because after it's struck once the same place isn't there any more!
闪电
老师：为什么说闪电从来不会两次击中同一个地方？
罗伊：因为它击中一个地方一次以后，那个地方就不存在了。

Who Discovered Australia?
Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me, Johnny.
Johnny: It's there, sir.
Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?
Sammy: Johnny, sir.
谁发现了澳大利亚？
老师：约翰尼，在地图上给我找出澳大利亚在什么地方。
约翰尼：先生，在这儿。
老师：对了。萨默，你来回答我是谁发现了澳大利亚？
萨默：先生，是约翰尼。

Essay
Teacher had set his class an essay in "A Game of Cricket". After two minutes Simon Steel handed his paper in and was allowed to go home. His essay read: "Rain stopped play."
作文
老师给学生出了个作文题：“一场板球赛”。两分钟后，西蒙。斯蒂尔交了作文，老师允许他回家了。他在作文上写道：“下雨，比赛终止。”

How Many Rabbits?
Teacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have?
Jonathan: Nine, sir.
Teacher: Nine?
Jonathan: I've got one already, sir.
多少只兔子？
老师：好，乔纳森，假如我给你三只兔子，第二天我又给你五只，你一共有多少只兔子？
乔纳森：一共有九只，先生。
老师：九只？
乔纳森：先生，我本来就有一只。

To Go to Heaven
Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up ..... what about you, Terry? You haven't got your hand up -- don't you want to go to Heaven?
Terry: I can't. My Mum told me to go straight home.
去天堂
主日学校的教员：想去天堂的人举起手来，把手举起来。。。你呢，哈里？你还没举手呢-- 你不想去天堂吗？
哈里： 我去不了，因为妈妈让我一放学就回家。

第三人称版：
My name is Lucy,and I'm looking forward to my friend Roes' arrival.She's coming to my home to play with me for a few days. Here is the route how she gets here.
After the train from the train station, she'd take bus No.11 or directly take a taxi to the bus station of Xinhua North Street. The station is in my neighborhood, so I will pick her up at the station.We can walk to the beach from our house to play.

第一人称版
Hi，Lucy!
I'm really looking forward to your arrival. Remember what I've told you how to get here?
First,when you get off the train from the train station, you'd take bus No.11 or directly take a taxi to the bus station of Xinhua North Street.
You'll see my waiting you right there cause the station is in my neighborhood.
After that ,we can just relax and walk to the beach to have fun!

a few suggestions about how you can build your self-confidence:

1. Don't worry about being perfect. There are never right or wrong answers to complex business decisions. The best that you can do as a leader is to gather all of the information that you can (in a timely manner), do a cost-benefit analysis of potential options, use your best judgment — and then go for it.

2. Learn to live with failure. Great salespeople are the ones who get rejected the most often. They just ask for the order more than the other salespeople. You are going to make mistakes. You are human. Learn from these mistakes and move on.

3. After you make the final decision — commit! Don't continually second-guess yourself. Great leaders communicate with a sense of belief in what they are doing and with positive expectations toward the achievement of their vision.

4. Show courage on the outside — even if you don't always feel it on the inside. Everyone is afraid sometimes. If you are a leader, your direct reports will read your every expression. If you show a lack of courage, you will begin to damage your direct reports' self-confidence.

5. Find happiness and contentment in your work. Life is short. My extensive research indicates that we are all going to die anyway. Do your best. Follow your heart. When you win, celebrate. When you lose, just start over the next day.

青春youth
(美)塞缪尔•厄儿曼Ullman
青春不是年华，而是心境；青春不是桃面、丹唇、柔膝，而是深沉的意志、恢弘的想象、炽热的感情；青春是生命的深泉在涌流。青春气贯长虹，勇锐盖过怯弱，进取压倒苟安。如此锐气，二十后生有之，六旬男子则更多见。年岁有加，并非垂老；理想丢弃，方堕暮年。岁月悠悠，哀微肌肤，热忱抛弃，颓唐，必致灵魂忧烦，惶恐、丧失自信，定使心灵扭曲，意气如灰。无论年届花甲，抑或二八芳龄，心中皆有生命之欢乐，奇迹之诱惑，孩童般天真久盛不衰。人人心中皆有一台天线，只要你从天上接受美好、欢乐和力量的信号，你就青春永驻、风华常存。一旦天线降下，锐气便被冰雪覆盖，玩世不恭、自暴自弃油然而生，即便年方二十，实以垂老矣；然则只要竖起天线，捕捉乐观信号，你就有望在八十高龄告别尘寰时仍觉年轻。
Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life. Youth means a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of 60 more than a boy of 20. Nobody grows old merely by a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, fear, self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spring back to dust. Whether 60 or 16 years old, there is the lure of wonder, the unfailing childlike appetite and the joy of the game of living in every human beings heart. In the center of your heart and my heart there is a wireless station: so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power from men and from the Infinite, so long are you young. When the aerials are down, and your spirit is covered with snows of cynicism and the ice of pessimism, then you are grown old, even at 20, but as long as your aerials are up, to catch waves of optimism, there is hope you may die young at 80.

Be a lifelong learner
做一个终身学习的人
1. Learning doesn’t finish when you leave school.
2．Learning can become a way of life which helps you to achieve your greatest potential.
3．We never stop learning; there is always something new and interesting to discover.
4．Learning new skills can be a bit scary but we all need to do this each time we reach a personal learning plateau.
5．Cross the plateau by actively seeking support and advice.
6．Take up some training, further education night classes any new interest which will help you to develop your strengths.
7．Keep looking and listening and keep your brain active. You are never too old to learn.

University is not the only way out, but the university is a good way. Experienced college life is not life, how many would be regrettable. 300 days of struggle, happy life. This community has failed to diploma will be respected, to live in the bottom of society, was bullied, and can not resist. In fact, we are not lazy, but rather a lack of self-confidence, with confidence in learning, learning becomes full, and easily.大学不是唯一出路，但大学是好的出路。不经历过大学生活的人生，多少会令人遗憾。奋斗300天，幸福一辈子。这社会没文凭会被人看不起，生活在社会底层，被欺负，还不能反抗。其实我们不是懒惰，而是缺少自信，有了学习的信心，学习变得很充实，很轻松。

My name is XXX, play basketball, football-loving playing badminton and table tennis and playing computer games. And enjoy reading, read the newspapers

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