英语笑话带翻译

英语笑话带翻译~

The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
完美儿子
A:我有一个很完美的儿子.
B:他抽烟吗?
A:不抽.
B:他喝威士忌酒吗?
A:不喝.
B:他会不会很晚回家?
A:不会.
B:我想你确实有一个完美儿子. 那他多大了?
A:下个星期三就满6个月了.
Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
我刚咬破自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
.鸟窝与头发
我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。
“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。
“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。
“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。
“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”

Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

给我那个打赢的吧

-- 服务员，

这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。 Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."

"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"

"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.

"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".

迪克年龄七岁，他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天，妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩，自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。

孩子们玩了个把小时，在四点半的时候，姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并对他说：“喏，迪克，给你刀子，把这块蛋糕一切为二，给你妹妹一块。不过，你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。”

迪克问：“像一个绅士？绅士怎样做呢？”

他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。”

迪克说了一声“噢”。他对此想了一会，然后，他把蛋糕拿给妹妹，并对她说：“凯瑟琳，你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。”
I'm Trying to Stop It

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"

"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”

“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”
“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”

“20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"


"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".

1、Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
冰山和衣刷之间有什么区别？
A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
一个 撞 船 一个 刷 大衣！(单词的拼写造成的JOKE）

2、white man：are you Black?

black man：no,i'm White


He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

1. Time Is Money

As the taxi came to a screeching halt at a traffic light，I asked the driver,“Do you agree that 'Time is money'?”

“Well, it's a very common saying. Who will care so much about that?”the driver answered.

“Look, the digits in the meter are still running when the car has stopped,”I pointed at the meter.

“Oh, yes. You've got a point here. In this case, time is money for both of us,”added the driver.
时间就是金钱

出租车在尖锐刺耳的刹车声中停在交通灯前，我问司机：“你同意‘时间就是金钱’这个说法吗？”

“怎么说好呢，大家都这么说。管它呢！”司机回答说。

“你看，车都停了，可你计程器上的数字还在变。”我指着计程器说。

“哦，对，你说得对。在这种情况下，对你我来说时间就是金钱。”司机补充道。

2.Unfair

The Smithsons went away for their summer vacation and gave Jane, the maid, a month's wages, then sent her on her way rejoicing.

On their return four weeks later, Jane demanded higher wages or no work.

Mrs. Smithson was horrified. "Gracious! " she exclaimed. "You've just had a vacation for a whole month with full pay! You should consider yourself very fortunate. "

"That's just it, "replied Jane, "you paid me that money for doing nothing, so it isn't fair to expect me to do all this work now for the same wages. "
不公平

史密森全家外出度假，发给女佣简一个月的工资，然后打发她消遥去了。

过了四周他们回来后，简要求加薪，否则就不干了。

史密森夫人惊呆了。“天哪！”她嚷道。“你刚刚带薪休了一整月的假！你应该觉得自己很幸运。”

“对呀，”简答道，“我什么都不干你都给我那么多钱，而现在让我做这么多事才拿同样的工资，未免不大公平。”
213.All The Details

one woman to another, "I won't go into all the details ; in fact, I've already told you more about it than I heard myself. "

全部细节

一名妇女对另一个说道：“我不再细说了；其实，我告诉你的已经比我听到的还多了。”
223.Missed Nothing

Overheard at the ball game:

"What inning is it? "

"It's the top of the fourth. "

"What's the score? "

"Nothing to nothing. "

"Oh, goody, goody! We haven't missed anything. "

什么都没有错过

在一场球赛时听到的：

“第几局了？”

“第四局的上半场。”

“比分怎么样？”

“零比零。”

“哦，太好了！我们什么都没有错过！”
226.Smart Dad

The Junior Murray had become involved in a financial tangle. In a moment of weakness he had loaned a friend $500 in cash without a written note, or even a receipt, indicating the amount loaned. In the meantime the young man had found he needed his money. In desperation, he consulted his father.

After a moment of consideration, the father said, "Oh, that's easy, son. Write him and say you need the $1,000 you loaned him. "

Young Murray said, "You mean $500? "

"That I do not, " said the father. "You say $1,000, and he will write back that he owes you only $500. Then you will have it in writing."

精明的义亲

小默里陷入了一桩钱财纠葛。当时一犹豫，在借给一个朋友500美元现金时，没有留下书面记录，甚至没有收据可以表明所借款额。与此同时，年轻人发觉自己需要这笔钱。他无计可施，于是向自己的父亲求教。

考虑了一会儿，父亲说道：“哦，很容易，儿子。给他写封信，就说你等着用借给他的1000美元。”

小默里说：“您是说500美元？”

“不是500美元，”父亲说，“你说1000美元，他会回信说只欠你500美元，这样你就有了书面证明了。”
264.half Time

A mother was talking to her little boy. "Now, Billy, you shouldn't be selfish with your toys. I've told you to let your younger brother play with them half the time. "

"That's what I've been doing, " said Billy. "I take the sled going downhill, and he takes it going up. "

一半时间

妈妈对小男孩说：“比利，对自己的玩具不要小气。我告诉过你要让弟弟玩一半时间。”

“我是这样的，”比利说，“我坐雪橇下山，他把它提上山。”

____________我挑了好久的……

I'm Trying to Stop It

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"

"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”

“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”

“20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?

John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.

老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？

约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。

The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"

"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".

教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了？”

“我来试试看，”一位老太太说。
“该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。”

Father:do you know?Today is a great occasion of nation stanza, the anti- day is also successful!
Son:??Great occasion of nation stanza?Is just Chinese?
Father:do you guess a foreign country to have?
Son:this I also don't know, affirming is "the country is disgusted with stanza"!
Father:......
爸爸:你知道吗?今天是国庆节,抗日也成功啦!
儿子:??国庆节?只是中国的吗?
爸爸:你猜猜外国有没有?
儿子:这我还不知道,肯定是\"国厌节\"啦!
爸爸:......

Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.
“You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
“She is the one who sells the candy.”
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?”
“A kid bit me,”replied Ivan.
“Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother.
“I’d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.”
他的耳朵在我的衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。”
9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
完美儿子
A:我有一个很完美的儿子.
B:他抽烟吗?
A:不抽.
B:他喝威士忌酒吗?
A:不喝.
B:他会不会很晚回家?
A:不会.
B:我想你确实有一个完美儿子. 那他多大了?
A:下个星期三就满6个月了.

---

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丰勇善唯：[答案] He Won Tommy:How is your little brother,Johnny?Johnny:He is ill in bed.He hurt himself. Tommy:That's too bad.How did that happen? Johnny:We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won. 他赢了 汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗? 约翰...

林芝县13641884778： 急!求英语笑话带翻译的,三到五分钟,两个人对话的,初二水平,谢谢! - ？
丰勇善唯：[答案] 1、周而复始 老王在树下休息,老李走过来对他说:“嗨,为什么不去上山砍柴?” 老王说:“砍柴干什么?” 老李说:“好卖钱啊.卖到钱就可以买驴,再沿家挨户卖柴.挣了钱就再 买卡车,然后买木厂卖木 器,再买更多的卡车,那样就可以发大...

林芝县13641884778： 有没有关于英语的小笑话,带翻译的,急 - ？
丰勇善唯： 某学校某班正在上英语,英语老师要求学生们上英语课不准用中文说话只能用英语说话`````快下课了~~~一名英语成绩比较差的学生放松了`他对别人笑了起来~~`这时他的同桌举起手来对老师指着那个英语成绩比较差的学生说;老师他用中文笑了``````老师无语`````