哪位英语水平高的人帮我看看这段英语有语法错误吗

麻烦哪位英语好的帮我看下下面这段英语有些什么语法错误，改正一下。~

说实话，你写的基本没有语法错误，但没有什么出彩的地方。Nowadays more and more people get overweight,we can learn that exercise is the best way to lose weight and keep fit.People need to play sports because it is a good way to relax. When we are tired of work or study, we can play football, basketball, table tennis and so on to relax ourselves. It can not only relax our brains and eyes but also helps us to build our bodies. I think it's really helpful to both our health and our study or work. Besides, It can help us make lots of new friends and communicate with each other well. What's more, it is good for teamwork when we play sports. And it can also make us feel comfortable and refreshed.

Besides, people tend to be positive toward this world after they read（no "s" ） good news stories of celebrities ,especially of their idols. If one reads his superhero goes to the gym every morning, he or she is likely to get up early and to work out either. Young people tend to imitate the behaviors of others. And typically, those iconic figures possess some good qualities, such as(:) persistent(persistence) and diligent (deligence) , that the public like. For instance, Michael Jordan, a well-known basketball player, affects many teenagers. They are greatly inspired by Jordan when life is at low ebb. Some of my classmates subscribe their idol’s Facebook account and read any reports or posts of their idols now and then to obtain positive energy about them. By watching their videos, my classmate Joe told me that he realized the joy of fighting and became more industrious in his academic performance. Obviously, it is beneficial for people to know what happened about the people they care about. Form the above analysis, I believe people should read news and current events everyday and do not get rid of this part of their daily life, since they could become more wise and have a positive outlook on life.

原文有语法错误的地方已被括号所标：
Hello （everyone.I） am XXX, my 20 years （old,） I come from XXX, a very beautiful coastal （city.I ）am the only daughter in my family, （My） parents love me too much .Personality, I move off if the rabbit, such as Department of static son, cheerful with others, be able to communicate, but also be able to seriously deal with the completion of my task. At positions, and create maximum value for my own are my goals. A strong sense of responsibility on the job, an industrious, steadfast, focused on team spirit and collective concept. I believe that as long as seriously, there is no job should not competent
I have wide spread interests, I am curious about （everything.But） my favorite things are: listening （to music ,） （Go） shopping, as well as other things related to （fashion.I ）deeply love the fashion, I continuously thought decorating oneself is a way to expresses （oneself,） showing oneself is the best choice to prove your existence. I have a unique angle of view to look at （something ,） and （is） enjoying every day positively and （upwardly.when） I have never blindly pursue fashion tidal current and lose myself, but can burn joyfully during the pursue .My English is not good, but I am take much ffort on （it.Moreover ）I believed I cannot let you be disappointed, I will try my best to achieves it well .Thank you very much for giving me this opportunity to stand here, thanks a lot!
全文经修改如下：
Hello everyone. I am XXX, my 20 years old; I come from XXX, a very beautiful coastal city. I am the only daughter in my family, my parents love me too much .Personality, I move off if the rabbit, such as Department of static son, cheerful with others, be able to communicate, but also be able to seriously deal with the completion of my task. At positions, and create maximum value for my own are my goals. A strong sense of responsibility on the job, an industrious, steadfast, focused on team spirit and collective concept. I believe that as long as seriously, there is no job should not competent
I have wide spread interests, I am curious about everything. But my favorite things are: listening to music, go shopping, as well as other things related to fashion. I deeply love the fashion, I continuously thought decorating oneself is a way to expresses oneself; showing oneself is the best choice to prove your existence. I have a unique angle of view to look at something, and am enjoying every day positively and upwardly. When I have never blindly pursue fashion tidal current and lose myself, but can burn joyfully during the pursue .My English is not good, but I am take much effort on it. Moreover I believed I cannot let you be disappointed, I will try my best to achieves it well .Thank you very much for giving me this opportunity to stand here, thanks a lot!

改后如下：
Hello,everone.My name is XXX,I`m 20 years old girl and I come from a very beautiful coastal city.I`m the only child in my family,so my parents love me so much.My personality characteristics,as an old saying goes:If the rabbit from moving, such as the Department of static son.I can communicate with people easliy and also complete my assignment seriously.In the position,produce the maximum value in myself is my goal.I have a strong responsibility and down-to-earth effort, I also pay attention to team work and collective spirit.I believe,as long as treat conscientiously, I can competent every job.My interests are widely, I am curious about everything.But the most favorite things are listen to the music,go shopping and all the things about fashion.I deeply love fashion,I continuously thought decorating oneself is a way to express oneself, showing oneself is the best choice to prove your existence.I have a unique view to look things,and enjoy every day positively .I never blindly pursue fashion ,but I will burn happily during the process.I know my English is not good,but I will give much effort on it.I believe,I can not let you down,I will try my best to make it better.Thank you very much for give me this opportunity to stand here,thanks a lot!
英文不是字对字，词对词的翻译，很多时候需要意译，因为西方人的思维方式和我们不一样，你把每个词摞上去，他不会很明白你的意思，而且会觉得你思维混乱。这是我改的，参考一下吧~~

英语简直就像机翻的，读不下去的感觉。

简历没必要写得这么啰里啰唆，简历应该对症下药，投用人单位所好。比如我招的是技术人员，那就强调技术；我招的是文秘，那就强调细心，周到。如果有实习经验，就更要写，这些经验胜过你写得天花乱坠。

说实在的，我是HR，绝不会看你这么啰嗦还不通顺的简历的。。你是家里的独生女，你家在哪个美丽的城市，你觉得HR会看这些么？人家每天都有100多份简历要看，哪能看那么仔细，大多一眼扫过，看重点，就是：工作经验，你的能力。

给你个例子：（投一个比较注重英语成绩的工作）
SELF APPRAISAL
 Excellent English and communication skills both written and verbal
 A half years+ experience in project management, a half years CMMI Level5
 Adaptable, can work well under pressure, with good teamwork spirit

1，英语优秀，IELTS xx或 CET 6（对方看中的放第一条，写出你的成绩）
2，半年实习经验
3，吃苦耐劳，有团队精神（套话）

这么简单 3点，就行了。我是HR，也会觉得这种简历比较务实。

至于你那英语，我懒得帮你纠正了，没有意义，不是重点。

重点是 了解对方需要什么

my 20 years old【错了，应是i'm 20 years old】

I move off if the rabbit, such as Department of static son【这句看上去怪怪的，如果是给中国人看的就算了，如果是老外，我看免了吧，实在是很中国式的英语啊~用一两个实际点的形容词去形容你的性格就好】

but also be able to seriously deal with the completion of my task【直接用but also 么？用as well好点吧】
and create maximum value for my own are my goals【and 改成to】
have wide spread interests【去掉spread，多余的这是】
and is enjoying every day positively and upwardly【去掉is,改enjoying 为enjoy】

大部分语法都还好，就是有些bug

修改如下:
Hello everyone.I am XXX, 20 years old, I'm come from XXX,it's a very beautiful city.I am the only daughter in my family, My parents love me very much .Personality, I move off like the rabbit, such as department of static son, cheerful with others, be able to communicate, but also be able to seriously deal with the task. At positions, and create maximum value for mine is my goal. I have a strong sense of responsibile on the job, an industrious, steadfast, focused on team spirit and collective concept. I believe as long as seriously, all job could be competent.
I have wide spread interests, I am curious about everything.But my favorite things are: listening to music , go shopping, and many other things about fashion.I love the fashion deeply , I continuously think decorating oneself is a way to expresses oneself , showing oneself is the best choice to prove your existence. I have an unique angle of view to see something , and I enjoy every day positively and upwardly.I have never blindly pursue fashion tidal current and lose myself, and I can burn joyfully during the pursue .My English is not very good, but I have took much effort on it.Moreover, I believe I cannot let you disappointed, I will try my best to achieve it well .Thank you very much for give me this opportunity to stand here, thanks a lot!

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