三人幽默故事带翻译

大学生3分钟英语搞笑故事带翻译~

The Policeman and the Thief
Once, a new policeman caught a thief in a small town, and decided to bring him back to the police station in the city. On their way they came to a shop where bread was sold. “ We have no food, and we must be hungry after a while. Let me go into the shop and buy some bread for us. Wait here for me.” The thief said.
The policeman agreed with him and waited in the street for a long time , but thief didn’t come out of the shop. The policeman began to be worried ,and ran into the shop, he couldn’t see the thief but the back door of the shop.
The policeman had to go back to the police station alone, and he was very unhappy.
Luckily, the policeman caught the thief at the same place the next day. When.they walked though the same street and the same shop, “ Wait here,” said the policeman “ Last time you ran away from the shop. This time , I’ll go into the shop and buy the bread , and you must wait here for me.”

警察与小偷
一次， 一个新上任的警察在小镇上抓住了一个小偷，他决定把这小偷押送到城里警察局去。在路上，他们路过了一家面包店。“我们没带吃的，呆会儿肯定会饿的，让我去给咱们买点面包。你在这等等我啊。”小偷说道。
警察同意了，并在街上等了很长一段时间，但是，小偷一直没有从商店出来。警察开始担心了，他跑进商店，除了一扇开着的后门，他什么也没看见。
警察不得不很郁闷的独自回到了警察局。
幸运的是第二天，他在同一地方又抓住了那小偷。当他们路过同一条街，同一家商店时，“在这等着我，”警察说道，“上次，你从这家商店溜了，这次，我去买面包，你必须在这等我！”

Q: Why won’t the elephant use the computer?
为什么大象不玩电脑？
A: He’s afraid of the mouse!
他害怕老鼠！
鼠标和老鼠的英文皆为mouse。
mouse [maʊs] n. 鼠标；老鼠；胆小羞怯的人

2.A much worried patiant walked into the doctor's office and asked for help。
"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday."
"Oh, don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days." The doctor said.
一位很焦急的病人走到医生办公室寻求帮助。
“医生，我不知道该怎么办。昨天我不小心喝下了一瓶汽油。”
“哦，不用担心。你一定要牢记未来几天不要吸烟就行了。”医生说。
3.A man was hit by a cab in the street.
He was brought to the hospital.
His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."
"Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.
他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."
医生说:"我怕他已经死了."
听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."
妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."
4.A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?"
And God says: "A penny".
Then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?"
And God says: "a second",
Then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?"
And God says "In a second".一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.
他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"
上帝回答:"一便士."
男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"
上帝说:"一秒钟."
最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"
上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
5.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
6.Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?""A kid bit me," replied Ivan."Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother."I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."他的耳朵在我衣兜里伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

　三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。

　　右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”

　　左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”

　　中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。

　　Very Pleased to Meet You

　　During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

　　One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.

　　Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

　　Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."

　　"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.

　　"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."

　　"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"

　　在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。

　　一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。

　　后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。

　　琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”

　　“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。

　　“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”

　　“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”

　　Two Soldiers

　　Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"

　　Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.

　　Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.

　　Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"

　　Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.

　　George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.

　　"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.

　　George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"

　　军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”

　　比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。

　　乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。

　　这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”

　　比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。

　　乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。

　　“你还要什么?”比尔问。

　　乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”

一 ，小孩哭着去找女人：妈妈，爸爸从梯子上摔下来了
妈妈：那你为什么哭？
因为刚才我笑了
二，孩子用皮球把女人家的玻璃打碎了
孩子：一会儿爸爸就来安玻璃
（来了一个男人安玻璃）
女人：好吧，你把球拿走吧
玻璃安好了。
男人：十块钱
女人：什么？你不是他爸爸？
男人：什么？你不是他妈妈？

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