圣诞笑话，英文的！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

圣诞节小笑话英文版~

a few days later I heard that you want to have eggs, that true? That I wish you lay eggs (Christmas) Happy! In a few days you have to Egg's full moon, I also wish you a round ahead of eggs (New Year's Day) Happy! Send中文：听说你过几天要生个蛋,真的吗?那我得祝你生蛋(圣诞)快乐!再过几天你的蛋蛋又要满月,那么我就也提前祝你圆蛋(元旦)快乐! I wish to Santa Claus on Christmas Eve: I hope that no matter how bad your feet, wear socks when tomorrow morning, I'll give you receive the full blessing, the warmth of your heart and feet ㄚ子!中文：平安夜我向圣诞老人许愿：希望不管你脚多么臭，明早当穿起袜子时，能收到我给你的满满的祝福，温暖你的心和脚ㄚ子！.

二、法官与小偷


It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,
“What is your offense?”
“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened,” answered the prisoner

圣诞佳节到来，法官心情愉悦的问受刑人：
“你做了什么坏事啊？”
“我今年圣诞节购物早了些。”犯人回答。

“那并不事件坏事”，法官说：“到底多早之前啊？”
“商店开门之前。”犯人答道。

One egg was left of the family are turned into a Christmas这是你要求翻译的那个

If you have not received my Christmas present, it has to be because of - your socks have a big hole! Bu Bu it fast! !中文：如果你今天没收到我的圣诞礼物，那一定是因为--你的袜子有个大洞！ 快补补吧！！

a few days later I heard that you want to have eggs, that true? That I wish you lay eggs (Christmas) Happy! In a few days you have to Egg's full moon, I also wish you a round ahead of eggs (New Year's Day) Happy! Send中文：听说你过几天要生个蛋,真的吗?那我得祝你生蛋(圣诞)快乐!再过几天你的蛋蛋又要满月,那么我就也提前祝你圆蛋(元旦)快乐! 发送

I wish to Santa Claus on Christmas Eve: I hope that no matter how bad your feet, wear socks when tomorrow morning, I'll give you receive the full blessing, the warmth of your heart and feet ㄚ子!中文：平安夜我向圣诞老人许愿：希望不管你脚多么臭，明早当穿起袜子时，能收到我给你的满满的祝福，温暖你的心和脚ㄚ子！

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12 Days of Christmas - A Cat's Rendition

On the twelfth day of Christmas my human gave to me:
Twelve bags of catnip!
Eleven tarter Pounce treats,
Ten ornaments hanging,
Nine wads of Kleenex,
Eight peacock feathers,
Seven stolen Q-tips,
Six feathered balls,
Five MILK JUG RINGS!
Four munchy house plants,
Three running faucets,
Two fuzzy mousies,
And a hamste-e-er in a plastic ball!!

How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive" ?
Olive ?
Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"

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Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.

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Why doesn't Santa have any children ?
Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

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Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

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How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike ?
They both have ornamental balls.

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What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve ?
They go into town, and blow a few bucks.

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What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies ?
Snowballs.

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Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ?
Because the snowblower was coming down the block.

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The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable.
"Jesus Christ!" he shouted.
Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary; it's better than Clyde!"

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During the recent Karpov-Kasparov world chess championships they came to an adjournment and left for their hotel. In the lobby of the hotel several chess enthusiasts could be heard bragging, "I could beat Karpov with no problem".
"Oh yeah, I could beat both of them at the same time."
"That's nothing, I could beat both of them blindfolded!"
Finally, the hotel manager had had enough and threw them all out of the hotel.
But why?" a bystander asked.
"Because," the manager replied "I hate ..."chess nuts boasting by an open foyer!"

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A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today ?"
Johnny raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." and Robert, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response.
The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Robert how he knew this. and Robert said, "Well.....every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"

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Santa Claus makes his way down the chimney, and is met by a lovely young woman in a robe.
She says "Santa, how about giving me a special present. I know you'd like to come into my bedroom."

Santa responds "Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know."

The lovely young thing peels off her robe, revealing a skimpy negligee. Santa looks up from his sack of gifts, and she says "I've got something special for you Santa. Can't you stay for just a little while? I know you want me. Let me make this Christmas eve unforgetable."

Santa responds "Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know."

Not to be denied, she strips off the negligee, revealing her naughty bits, and they were quite nice naughty bits, I might add. And she says "Santa, this is your last chance. This body is your gift."

Santa responds "Hey! Hey! Hey! Gotta stay. Gotta Stay. Can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!"

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As the Christmas season draws nigh, foretelling the end of over a full month of Commercial Christmas, there is a special urgency in the spirits of children as they visit toy stores and toy departments all over the country.
It was with particular urgency that little Wilbert dragged his mother to the toy department in a big Los Angeles department store. Mother quickly steered Wilbert into the line of children waiting to talk to Santa, but Wilbert was far more interested in the hobby horse.

As soon as his mother relaxed her vigilance for a moment, Wilbert vanished from the Santa Queue and began rocking back and forth on the hobby horse. His mother noticed his absence, and after a quick, frantic search, spotted him on the horse. She let him rock for a few minutes, then told him it was time to get off. Wilbert ignored her. She began to beg; Wilbert paid no attention. She began to make promises of sugarplums, etc., if only Wilbert would get off the hobby horse. He stuck his nasty little tongue out at her.

Then Santa himself, who had been watching this little family drama out of the corner of his eye, stepped over and said to Wilbert's mother, "Perhaps I can persuade your son to cooperate."

"I doubt that," said the mother, "but you're welcome to try."

Santa, with a big smile, whispered quietly into Wilbert's ear.

Wilbert's eyes grew very large, he quickly slid off the horse and took his mother's hand. Together, with no fuss, they left the store.

As they drove home, Mama asked Wilbert what Santa had whispered to him. Wilbert was silent. Mama began offering bribes (toys and German Chocolate cake) if Wilbert would only tell Mama what Santa's words were. Wilbert turned pale and wouldn't utter a word.

What had Santa said? Wilbert's mother was determined to find out. She had never been able to get the kid to obey that easily, and decided it was worth a great deal of effort on her part to discover what magick Santa Claus had used on Wilbert.

She continued to bribe him with a soft voice and much cajolery, and Wilbert's stubborn streak finally faded. What did Santa say?

Wilbert now answered: "He said, 'Listen, you little son of a bitch, if you don't climb your ass the hell down off that horse right this second, I'm going to beat the heck out of you!' "

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Why the Little Angel is at the top of the Christmas Tree ...
On Christmas Eve Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip. As he pulled his favorite pair of red pants on, they ripped. So, he had to take them off and put on another pair, which was a bit too tight. He then went to check on the rest of the preparations. The elves were on strike. The reindeer had shin-splints. At this point, Santa was BUMMED. He went into the kitchen to take a calming drink, and the bottle was EMPTY. Now he was really mad. All of sudden, there was a knock at the door. Santa, in his angry state, ignored it. There was another knock. Santa was in no mood for all of this. When the knock came again, Santa--filled with rage--threw open the door. Standing there was a little angel who said, "Hi Santa! What do you want me to do with this Christmas Tree?"

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One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof.
As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here."
The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said "Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these fuckin' prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."

A family ate an egg and turned to christmas and jokes

(翻译成这样的英文不好笑哦）

anway, good luck 咯~

eat egg become xmas..

你那笑话外国人听不懂 - -|||

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行唐县13577644358： 关于圣诞的英语笑话 - ？
林雄悉敏： If you have not received my Christmas present, it has to be because of - your socks have a big hole! Bu Bu it fast! !中文:如果你今天没收到我的圣诞礼物,那一定是因为--你的袜子有个大洞! 快补补吧!!

行唐县13577644358： 圣诞节英语小笑话 - ？
林雄悉敏： A half-eaten egg was a result it becomes a leftover egg! I wish Merry Christmas 一个鸡蛋被吃剩半边,结果它变成了剩蛋!预祝圣诞快乐

行唐县13577644358： 圣诞节笑话英文版 - ？
林雄悉敏： 英文版的实在是找不到,不过中文版的我找到两个.[至于你给不给分,那就随你了] 圣诞老人 某日,妈妈问小于:你相信有圣诞老人吗? 小于:嗯……(想了一下)不相信…… 妈妈心想小于真是长大了.她便又问:你为什么不相信有圣诞老人呢...

行唐县13577644358： 关于圣诞节的笑话(英文版)？
林雄悉敏：Onenbsp;daynbsp;anbsp;visitornbsp;fromnbsp;thenbsp;citynbsp;camenbsp;tonbsp;anbsp;smallnbsp;ruralnbsp;areanbsp;tonbsp;drivenbsp;aroundnbsp;thenbsp;countrynbsp;roads,nbsp;seenbsp;hownbsp;thenbsp;farmsnbsp;looked,nbsp;...

行唐县13577644358： 圣诞节小笑话英文版 - ？
林雄悉敏： Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. ＂What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?＂ ＂I gave it to a poor old woman,＂ he answered. ＂You're a good boy,＂ said the mother proudly. ＂Here are two cents more. But why ...

行唐县13577644358： 关于圣诞节的英文小笑话 - ？
林雄悉敏： The child, I am a Santa Claus, some Christmas big ritual needs to giveyou. Any... ... Your family does not have the chimney? Does not buy!.孩子,我是圣诞老人,有一份圣诞大礼要送给你.什么……你们家没有烟囱?还不去买!

行唐县13577644358： 圣诞节笑话用英语怎么说? - ？
林雄悉敏： Christmas jokes Jokes about Christmas Jokes regarding Christmas

行唐县13577644358： 关于圣诞的小笑话,英文的(要有翻译) - ？
林雄悉敏： a few days later I heard that you want to have eggs, that true? That I wish you lay eggs (Christmas) Happy! In a few days you have to Egg's full moon, I also wish you a round ahead of eggs (New Year's Day) Happy! Send中文:听说你过几天要生个蛋...

行唐县13577644358： 圣诞节的英语笑话(简短,有中文)？
林雄悉敏： 二、法官与小偷 It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What is your offense?”“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.“There's nothing wrong with that,” said the ...

行唐县13577644358： 圣诞节短的英语笑话 (带中文、三年级水平的) 快 - ？
林雄悉敏： A: Oh, my god, I have lost my little dog!B: But you must put an ad in the papers!A: It's no use, my little dog can't read.A:哦,天!我弄丢了我的小狗!B:那你一定要去报纸上登条寻狗启示!A:那没用,我的小狗不识字.